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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to obbsess over an ignored message?

354 replies

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 05:45

A superior at work has helped me loads in my job and we get on famously. Few months back we exchanged numbers and we've reached a comfortable stage where we've gone for a couple quick coffees after work when he's in town. He's shared pictures of his lovely kids with me as well, so we've become quite friendly.

Today at work I sent him a message to say happy new year to him and his family and to thank him for all his help this year.

This was in the morning. And there has been no response at all.

This is jarring because he's always quick to reply and if he's busy he will say so and respond in more detail a few hours later.

Without going into detail I know he read the message and I know today wasn't a busy day at work for anybody. So it's apparent he just ignored the message deliberately.

Given the positive note things have been on, I don't understand why he just didn't reply?! I can't think of anything I may have done to offend so I'm completely puzzled here.

I know I shouldn't take this so seriously but I can't stop obsessing over it.

OP posts:
PoppySausage · 01/01/2015 11:09

Do you generally have high expectations of friends? I only ask as my friend is lovely but the expectations of us such as replying to text, meeting up, being in the 'right' mood etc are too much and I sometimes need a break and don't always reply to her.

She is lovely, but a bit full on

Fanfeckintastic · 01/01/2015 11:11

I sent one of on male juniors a message yesterday saying happy new year, telling him to have a good night and asking him to sign for a delivery for me on Saturday and store it in the back. His reply "Emma is covering my shift on Saturday"

How very dare he not be friendly and jovial back with me. I even included an unprofessional little smiley face and everything!

HeraldAngelSinging · 01/01/2015 11:13

How do you know he was the one to read the message, OP? Could have been a 2 year old or his wife.

sonjadog · 01/01/2015 11:13

Has it been eating you up inside ever since, Fan?

I sent a whole pile of messages last night. Can't remember how many and can't remember how many replies I got. It doesn't really matter.

riverboat1 · 01/01/2015 11:13

I remember the other thread about this quite well. Aside from the scenario being practically identical, looking at it again via the link upthread the language and phrases used are extremely similar too.

OP - you can't be this upset about a simple breach of messaging etiquette. You clearly have inappropriate feelings towards this colleague, not necessarily romantic but you are placing way too much importance on him. Resolve to distance yourself from him in 2015 - it would seem like he has already decided to take a step back from you.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 01/01/2015 11:14

I think at times in life when everything is rosy, this kind of thing doesn't tend to matter. You are reading his silence as a lack of acknowledgement/ respect but there are a lot of other reasons that are more likely. Your behaviour is quite needy. I know that sounds harsh but I'd suggest considering why this matters so much to you. How is your own life looking right now?

MooMaid · 01/01/2015 11:20

It's the problem with modern technology - we all expect immediate responses. Fact is, it doesn't matter if you would reply in 2 secs flat, he hasn't and clearly didn't feel the need to. Stop obsessing about it. Unless you said something you shouldn't have then why worry.

This thread certainly has been one of the more amusing to read today!

Fanfeckintastic · 01/01/2015 11:24

It has sonja, but I just texted him "have I done something to upset you? Sad"

Best take the bull by the horns Grin

AuntieStella · 01/01/2015 11:26

"How do you know he was the one to read the message, OP? Could have been a 2 year old or his wife."

It won't have been those, as OP said she sent to his work email. It could have been opened someone by someone other than him, though - anyone covering his work intray.

pippitysqueakity · 01/01/2015 11:27

HNY OP.
( Don't feel you need to reply)

ButchCassidy · 01/01/2015 11:47

Maybe he was really busy.
Or maybe he meant to reply but didn't get round to it.
We have instant messenger at work and if there is more than one person messaging It can get confusing

Blueandwhitelover · 01/01/2015 11:48

Skimmed through the thread and also feel you are being unreasonable! Have you had any contact with him over the Xmas break? I just wondered if you might have texted him Happy Xmas and his wife might have seen it and then he has decided to limit replies. I know this New Year message was not a text by the way!
I do think that he possibly feels that you are too interested.

ecofreckle · 01/01/2015 11:52

Allboxed was the book you read the thrive one about social anxiety? I'm just working through it for a phobia issue.

Funkycoldribena I always love to see your name on any thread. I love it!

I have failed to comment on the OP because she seems to have gone for now and also had all the advice I could offer. I hope your day is improving op.

Allisgood1 · 01/01/2015 11:59

Where is the biscuit emoticon when you need one??

Have some fluff instead OP Smile

FunkyBoldRibena · 01/01/2015 12:05

Funkycoldribena I always love to see your name on any thread. I love it!

Thanks Eco - Do you think we can [one day] get to a comfortable stage where we go out for coffee after MNetting, when I am in town? Wink

CombineBananaFister · 01/01/2015 12:11

Jesus that's 20mins of my life am not getting back, saw the amount of responses and thought it was going to be a really juicy thread and I always rtwt.
Feel totally bloody cheated now Angry just some pissing non-answering a message, is that it? am off for caffeine and sugar - i deserve it.

Yabu to obsess over anyone not replying to a message, take your pick from the 265 posts why they may reasonably not have replied to you.

MorelliOrRanger · 01/01/2015 12:26

Xmas Biscuit YABVU.

Hopefully you feel better soon and realise how weird you a making this thread sound

BringMeTea · 01/01/2015 12:35

Combine For the first time, EVER I fast forwarded at page 3. So happy. I hear ya! Grin

tilliebob · 01/01/2015 12:35

Yeah I've just rtwt too - a bit strange, eh? Defensive OP, resorting to sarcasm as they didn't get the replies they wanted. Would you really have gone to the bother of starting a thread if it had been a female colleague? I (and lots of others, who are obvs all wrong too) read the OP as you do "like like" this man.

Maybe he's picked up something from your chats/messages and is stepping the hell back?

I secretly love threads where the OP gets all stroppy when folk don't fall into line with their POV Grin

NoMontagues · 01/01/2015 12:37

OP are you on the UK or same time zone?

I can't believe you'd be up at 5.45am starting a thread on mn about someone not responding to a HNY message.

And if the message system is only in work and you've been home since 7pm last night then how do you know he hasn't replied?

And what are you doing asking if ybu and then refuting all those who say you are? You're the one that asked.

Weirdest thread ever. Biscuit Confused

NoMontagues · 01/01/2015 12:37

in the UK

SisterMoonshine · 01/01/2015 12:38

Ah that thread starts at about 5 o'clock in the morning too.

DropYourSword · 01/01/2015 12:40

Don't think OP is coming back Envy

ecofreckle · 01/01/2015 12:44

Funkybold, why not? Couldn't hurt. We've got a shared love of music so that's surely the basis for taking our relationship to the next stage. but only if you reply in a non tardy way

FunkyBoldRibena · 01/01/2015 12:48

Result

Smile
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