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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to obbsess over an ignored message?

354 replies

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 05:45

A superior at work has helped me loads in my job and we get on famously. Few months back we exchanged numbers and we've reached a comfortable stage where we've gone for a couple quick coffees after work when he's in town. He's shared pictures of his lovely kids with me as well, so we've become quite friendly.

Today at work I sent him a message to say happy new year to him and his family and to thank him for all his help this year.

This was in the morning. And there has been no response at all.

This is jarring because he's always quick to reply and if he's busy he will say so and respond in more detail a few hours later.

Without going into detail I know he read the message and I know today wasn't a busy day at work for anybody. So it's apparent he just ignored the message deliberately.

Given the positive note things have been on, I don't understand why he just didn't reply?! I can't think of anything I may have done to offend so I'm completely puzzled here.

I know I shouldn't take this so seriously but I can't stop obsessing over it.

OP posts:
andsmileimontherightpath · 01/01/2015 10:22

I think OP has feelings for this man and that's why she is frothing at the non reply.

'Got to the stage where we' .....and I think he may be backing off by not replying. He may be worried in case he's giving the wrong signals and OP has wrong idea.

KatieKaye · 01/01/2015 10:22

The poster on the other thread does sound somewhat familiar.

GoodKingQuintless · 01/01/2015 10:23

My juniors messaged me as well, and even though I had a busy day I still replied to all of them.

If it was a busy day surely he decided he had work to do, and could not spend his working day responding specifically to lots of individual "Happy New Year" messages bouncing around the company?

I am not sure how you think you can know his workload. And bollox that you are not interested in him, if you werent, you would hardly notice a missing response.

AlpacaYourThings · 01/01/2015 10:25
Hmm
ElizabethHoover · 01/01/2015 10:26

you guys troll hunting?

AIBU to obbsess over an ignored message?
GoodKingQuintless · 01/01/2015 10:27

Also, you need to consider WHY he felt compelled to talk about his family, he was most likely not moving your relationship to the next stage, but trying to tell you to back off. Please consider that you may be embarrassing yourself .

FunkyBoldRibena · 01/01/2015 10:27

Do you think the fact that you have been so defensive over being accused of being over-invested in this man means you are over-invested in this man?

Hell, I didn't reply to my mother or business partner's texts last night because I was busy in the front room/bath/front room/bedroom and the phone was charging in the dining room. I replied this morning.

TheChandler · 01/01/2015 10:27

Of course she's interested in him. You don't care if someone replies to you that quickly unless you fancy them!

Both threads have quite a lot of adjectives: "famously", "amazing", "jarring", etc..

Possible outcome 5: he's been setting the scene for a workplace affair (sharing photos of family to make it seem like he's a nice guy and also not raise expectations that he will leave his wife) and has changed his mind.

FreudiansSlipper · 01/01/2015 10:31

MN is a strange place at times thread started about obsessing over non reply to message

OP told to back off from married man, obviously has feelings for him, far too invested as she was on another thread

That some have gone to the trouble of looking up

Oh the irony

LittleBearPad · 01/01/2015 10:31

Marking place simply to see the frothing from the OP who sounds about 13

raffle · 01/01/2015 10:32

Did you say you are at home in bed ill?

He may well of replied but you don't know it yet?

clam · 01/01/2015 10:33

Same posting style, I agree. Began very early in the morning, and lots of copy and pasted posts that aren't highlighted properly, making it difficult to see which part is the OP's addition.

But anyway, if it's not the same poster, it might be worth the OP taking a look for some of the advice given there.

juneandjuly · 01/01/2015 10:34

As someone else said, if it's on the work system (which can't be accessed from home) how do you know he hasn't replied? He may well reply on Friday.

TheChandler · 01/01/2015 10:34

That some have gone to the trouble of looking up

To be accurate - clicking on a link provided.

Its like a mystery. I want to solve it! And if you've ever experienced one of these work colleagues that has difficulty with personal boundaries, you'll understand why its a subject that interests many!

SnakeyMcBadass · 01/01/2015 10:35

Just...let it go. It's not healthy to be this concerned about a non reply to a generic politeness. Really. Are you an anxious person generally?

PiratePanda · 01/01/2015 10:36

Weird how very, very similar those two threads are ...

This is the biggest non-issue thread I think I've ever read on MN. It really is not a big deal for a superior at work not to respond to a conventional HNY text while a) working on b) New Year's Eve. I'm sure he's really busy. I'm sure he likes and appreciates you as a junior colleague. But he's clearly (and quite rightly) not that into you.

You are waaaaaaay over invested.

Fanfeckintastic · 01/01/2015 10:39

I think you should go into work and see if he's replied OP! Grin

Or text him on his mobile and ask if he got your message OR send him a sad, sick selfie of yourself in bed! OR OR OR put up a status on Facebook about "leaving people who can't be bothered to reply to your messages in 2014 and knowing who your REAL friends are"

PiratePanda · 01/01/2015 10:41

Oh - and for context - I didn't respond to my lovely DM's HNY text and request to Skype last night, despite the fact that she's in Australia. I was dead tired and about to go to bed, and skyped her this morning instead.

MrsCosmopifairylight · 01/01/2015 10:41

YWNBU to send a message to a friend/colleague
YABU to be making a big deal out of a non-reply. Yes, if someone usually chats to you it's annoying, potentially rude, but presumably there are reasons.

The workplace is a funny beast - you work with people daily, you feel close to them. You laugh, cry, eat cake together (possibly). However, when someone moves out of the department, that dynamic changes. You don't hold the same status, you're not as close to them any more. You may not necessarily realise this, but I have experienced it. Someone I worked with got a promotion. Up until this point, we'd have lunch together weekly, chat daily, message. Post-promotion, I was dropped. I wasn't told I was dropped. I just was.

People on the thread ABU suggesting that every time a male and female have a verbal/text/email exchange that there is sexual frission bubbling away.

FreudiansSlipper · 01/01/2015 10:48

Am sure most of us have experienced an over invested work colleague, friend of a friend, fellow student

op makes a good point her last sentence in her first post Grin

TheGrandPooBah · 01/01/2015 10:58

OP, I don't think you have feelings for this man, I think you just enjoy the feeling of appreciation you receive from him. Don't stress about the non-reply, it's most likely that he has other things on his mind that have a higher priority than you, nothing more sinister than that. Suggest you step back from the need for his attention/approval, however, as it sounds like the balance in the relationship is out of kilter.

crumblebumblebee · 01/01/2015 10:59

While I do think OP was BU, to be fair to her, she did repeatedly highlight that it was a work messenger and she still got several replies from people who couldn't be arsed to RTFT. "Maybe his battery ran out" or "he was having family time!" Hmm

Azquilith · 01/01/2015 11:04

One of my team (male) what's apped me a sweet HNY message yesterday. I didn't reply. I don't think he'll lose sleep about it. This is weird....

KatieKaye · 01/01/2015 11:05

perhaps he was having a close encounter with his wife/other colleague or in the middle of a game of Candy Crush or contemplating which bottle of vintage champagne to buy on the way home or dreading he prospect of having to deflea the dog that evening when you sent the message and was rather distracted?

Maybe he was having 40 winks?

Or maybe he just didn't think the message had to be responded to?

clam · 01/01/2015 11:08

Any or all of those things, katie, although it's kind of irrelevant. After all, to mis-quote something I'm often reading on here, we cannot control others/outside events, only our reaction to them. So, it's not the fact that this colleague hasn't responded that's the issue, it's the OP's OTT reaction to it.