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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

just sitting in car

255 replies

shggg245 · 31/12/2014 17:35

I live in a very remote spot just my house and fields - there's a small car park adjacent to my back garden. For the past 3 weeks a man has parked up and sat in his car from 10am until 5 ish. Engine not running - no lights when it's dark.

He literally just sits everyday including weekends. Don't think he's doing anything dodgey but just think it's really peculiar.

Aibu to ask if he's ok or should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
Redling · 03/01/2015 19:03

I work in a public library and there are dozens of people who arrive as we open and leave when we close... 9-6.30. Especially in winter. Homeless hostels tend to be 7pm-7am affairs, just to sleep. If you are in a remote area and there are no widely open public buildings and he has a car, he may well sit in it all this time as its bloody freezing. It is exceptionally common for peoe to live like this unfortunately. Granted it may be unnerving for it to be in the same place, but he may need the structure and routine. We have had a man come in the library 7 days a week, all hours open for 5 years. He's not mad, he's just got nothing else, poor guy. You are right to check he is ok, but he may just be getting through this time until he can get housed by someone. Single men have very little chance though.

Original poster
shggg245 · 03/01/2015 19:18

The police seem to think he has a local house and is not homeless.

OP posts:
PulpsNotFiction · 03/01/2015 19:21

Maybe he's had the Mil from hell visiting over Christmas and is pretending he's at work?

fluffyraggies · 03/01/2015 19:30

Any car legally on the road will be registered to an address. This has no meaning re: his welfare though.

He's spent another day sat out there.

pulp he's been out there for 4 weeks.

Redling · 03/01/2015 19:47

Hmmm, maybe chucked out of house although he still owns it? Either way, you are right to be concerned for the man and also to feel uncomfortable yourself, but I've discovered what can seem like very odd behaviour isn't so much when the person has no choice. If he has belongings in the car and smells musty I'd say he's not living at this address he has.

Jill2015 · 03/01/2015 19:54

OP, you did the right thing.

Original poster
shggg245 · 03/01/2015 20:20

Police just rang they have no concerns at all he just likes to sit there to chill out and read. Not homeless or in any distress at all. Knows it's me who rang, he worked it out and they said he may have a word to reassure me of his well being. Jesus I feel awful now, hopefully he'll understand my concern.

Still odd to sit in pitch black when you've got a nice toasty house imo. So solved and best possible outcome - although I feel like a complete busy body / tit!!

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 03/01/2015 20:25

Don't feel bad, you had the best of intentions.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/01/2015 20:30

That's even more bizarre if true, he has a house yet sits alone in his car?

It's odd and unsettling regardless of his insistence that he just 'chills and reads'.

Original poster
shggg245 · 03/01/2015 20:38

I'll also have to tell vicar just in case he decides to offer assistance!! Actually I'm telling myself that it was a good thing to do and yeah whatever it's weird but free country and all that. Blush

OP posts:
AppleRings · 03/01/2015 20:40

I still think it'd do no harm for the vicar to go along and have a chat with him. It's not entirely normal to sit in a car for 7 hours a day and there is probably something else going on

Hatespiders · 03/01/2015 20:58

I don't buy that at all. It's daft. Why outside yours? Sit and read? All those hours every blooming day? No, there's some other reason.
I'd be rather wary of this (as I was from the start) I know it's a free country and all that, but I find it sinister tbh.
Still, there's not much you can do op. However you did the right thing.
Maybe he'll get fed up and go somewhere else.

trackrBird · 03/01/2015 21:09

I think police would rather you notified them of something unusual, and it turn out to be nothing, rather than not notify them, and have it turn out to be important.

The man's behaviour is unusual. If you sat in such a manner for long periods of time, you wouldn't be surprised if someone showed concern, I'm sure.

I don't really buy the 'chill and read' thing either, especially if there are no lights after dark, but the police know and that's all anyone can do.

So don't feel bad - you definitely did the right thing. Flowers

Original poster
shggg245 · 03/01/2015 21:11

Well it is a nice view - that's why we bought the house, but even I'd get bored of the most stunning view for hours on end day after day.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 03/01/2015 21:18

Something not right here. No one would sit in a car for 7 hours every day to 'chill and read'.

I understand that the police cant 'do' anything about a person choosing to spend their life sat in their car, but to have 'no concern' is a bit of a cop out surely (no pun intended).

I'd be happy for the bloke to come and have a word. I'd be very interested in why on earth he chooses to freeze in his car if indeed he has a house. It's just odd. And why 'for the next few weeks'?

Don't feel like a tit or a busy body OP. It would have been more bizarre to have ignored him.

Haggisfish · 03/01/2015 21:21

Hmmm i still find it odd. I also think its quite rude on his part-you are clearly worried/anxious about his presence so he should do the decemt thing and sit somewhere else!

Original poster
shggg245 · 03/01/2015 21:28

The police went to his house so it's true. Who knows - I've done what I can and I'm sure he'll move on eventually. Thanks for all the advice and support - (I bloody love mumsnet) and reassuring me that I wasn't overreacting or just being plain unreasonable Smile

OP posts:
NorbertDentressangle · 03/01/2015 21:30

Firstly, can I say that I think you've done the right thing.

However, I still think that there's something very odd about this.

Surely he would feel uncomfortable about returning to the same spot day after day especially as it's now so obvious that he does that, that it's been noted by you/vicar/police and that (for all he knows) that it could be making you feel uncomfortable.

There must be other places he could go to "chill and read" that have a great view that aren't physically so close to a solitary house .

RandomNPC · 03/01/2015 22:48

You've done all you can now OP, and you've done everything right too IMHO.

Bananayellow · 03/01/2015 23:04

It will be interesting to see if he continues coming. A normal reaction would be to move elsewhere. well as normal a reaction as it could, be considering it's not normal behaviour in the first place

deeedeee · 03/01/2015 23:07

Relieved he isn't homeless or missing! I still think it's odd though and unfair on you! Maybe the vicar could help in that respect, to gently make him realise he'd be better not sitting next to a house

steppeupunderthemisletoe · 03/01/2015 23:16

I think you were absolutely right to report.

I still think it is weird.
Maybe he has an odd home life and escapes from Mother/wife all day??

I feel sorry for him.

fluffling · 04/01/2015 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatCushion · 04/01/2015 08:52

You did the right thing. Could be he is so wrapped up in his own problems that he can't think beyond them to the effect it might have on you. You and the police could have made all the difference to his thought processes, even if he is outwardly the same.

Did the police say he lives alone? (Not that they would tell you if he has family). He could be pretending to go out to work, telling his family he has a temporary job. The police would have said something to them if that's the case, and let his family know where he goes, if he has anyone at home.
If that's not it...maybe he's trying to keep out of someone's way. Avoiding a confrontation or being asked to do something he couldn't say no to.
He's set his mind to dealing with it this way, whatever it is, so hard to go back on that, but if there's a next time, perhaps he'll reconsider whether it's worth it.

Don't put the vicar off entirely. If he is still there in another week, I'd call the vicar again. People who clam up when they see the police can sometimes open up to a vicar.

LeepyTime · 04/01/2015 10:36

Hi OP, is he back today? I was wondering by the 'few weeks' comment is he maybe working on a project (novel, poems) and sits there for inspiration, but you would think he would have told the police that when discussing this. Yes it will be strange if he comes back again today. Good luck