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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

just sitting in car

255 replies

shggg245 · 31/12/2014 17:35

I live in a very remote spot just my house and fields - there's a small car park adjacent to my back garden. For the past 3 weeks a man has parked up and sat in his car from 10am until 5 ish. Engine not running - no lights when it's dark.

He literally just sits everyday including weekends. Don't think he's doing anything dodgey but just think it's really peculiar.

Aibu to ask if he's ok or should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 18:22

Fuck we've just missed him he's gone now which is a positive sign as he's clearly we'll enough to drive.

I'll get dh to talk to him tomorrow there must be something we can do to help. Despite me minimising saying it's his right etc I'm increasingly concerned and don't think I'm being overly dramatic. Concerned for him not me but I didn't dare approach him whilst on my own.

OP posts:
hagarthorne · 02/01/2015 18:24

He wants you to notice him, that's why he's in the same place, day after day. (Unless free car parks very rare in your part of the country).

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 18:25

Vicar said he would try and up tomorrow or Sunday. I'm just worried for him.

OP posts:
hagarthorne · 02/01/2015 18:27

If you google your local church the vicar's phone number should be listed. Most churches have websites these days,

GatoradeMeBitch · 02/01/2015 18:29

Fluffyraggies I was responding to someone on the last page who was upset that someone had to piss in gardens. I didn't realize it had moved on a page...

And I think you're best off leaving this to the vicar.

fluffyraggies · 02/01/2015 18:29

try and up tomorrow or Sunday

Hmm

Nice to see he's rushing to help the poor chap. My faith in the church is restored.

not

Jill2015 · 02/01/2015 18:30

I'd still suggest contacting the police, or ask the vicar to do so.

fluffyraggies · 02/01/2015 18:32

gator - yes, i know. I posted without seeing that you hadn't seen, and then i saw you had! I was going to appologise DH bought me a cupper and i got sidetracked.

HexBramble · 02/01/2015 18:35

.

hagarthorne · 02/01/2015 18:36

I'd contact the police now, and have something in place for tomorrow. I try and get hold of Salvation Army too- they have a big website with useful links. Shocked at the vicar not being there today.

Theboulderhascaughtupwithme · 02/01/2015 18:55

OP, My feeling is having read the whole thread is that, whilst this man is very unlikely to mean or do you any harm, I do think it is significant that he is actively choosing to park in the exact same spot day and year day after day, enduring what you have rightly identified as a cold, uncomfortable and very isolating and lonely situation.

Something about being remote but still 'near' to people is important to this chap and whilst he appears 'ok' to your husband I also think that it is more than possibly he was able to maintain an acceptable facade which may well be covering something significant under the surface. I too work in mental health and to be honest you do get quite used to seeing people,extremely ill, acting outside of societal norms ect, so lower level incongruity is sometimes normalised.

I do think that a call to the local police, or prefably of so officer ( they often seem more friendly/ less authoritative) might be in order at this stage, at the least they can run his plates and make sue he is not wanted, missing or detained under MHA or similar!!

Good luck, I would be unsettled by this for sure.

Theboulderhascaughtupwithme · 02/01/2015 18:56

Preferably a PCSO!!

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 19:05

I've bitten the bullet and rang police 101. The police officer felt it was indeed very strange behaviour and said he would've done the same thing. He took a description and his reg number.

I totally stressed that I'm not worried about him being there or think he's up to no good but am increasingly concerned about his overall welfare. He promised me that they would treat with the utmost sensitivity and check he is not missing or vulnerable.

If he's homeless they can sign post to agencies or do nothing at all if he refuses help. I feel better and trust that they'll treat with care.

OP posts:
Bakeoffcakes · 02/01/2015 19:11

I agree about contacting the local police. This chap sounds like he needs helpSad

Bakeoffcakes · 02/01/2015 19:12

X posted. So pleased you've phoned them.

trackrBird · 02/01/2015 19:14

I think you did the right thing.

Kab13 · 02/01/2015 19:20

Read the whole thread. You've done the right thing OP.

ithoughtofitfirst · 02/01/2015 19:25

Woah OP. Fair play. If it was a relative of mine I'd hope someone would do the same.

Hatespiders · 02/01/2015 19:37

Good for you op. I'm pretty sure the Police will be pleasant and not aggressive or heavy-handed. Like you, they'll be concerned for the man. But if it does turn out to be evasion of bail or he's wanted for something, I'm afraid they'll be obliged to arrest him. However, if he's in need of help, they'll know of many agencies and may refer him on for assistance and support.
I expect you feel a bit better having handed this over to them!

sliceofsoup · 02/01/2015 19:47

I think you have done the right thing OP. I too would be very concerned at this situation.

If I was in the mans situation, and I truly wanted peace, I would have found another place to park after someone spoke with me. Him returning after speaking to your DH feels to me like a call for help. Hopefully the police can get to the bottom of it now.

MaryWestmacott · 02/01/2015 20:55

You've done the right thing. He clearly needs help, hopefully he'll get it now. The police are the right agency to offer this help.

bananananacoconuts · 02/01/2015 21:14

I think calling 101 was definitely the right thing to do. I hope the situation is resolved quickly now for all concerned

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/01/2015 21:24

Good move all round.

You've notified the authorities which hopefully will aid whatever issues this man has and you've logged a potential problem otherwise.

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 21:33

Just hope he gets support and manages to work through whatever's brought him here. Once again thanks for advice - I was genuinely conflicted and you've helped me decide on the best course of action.

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 02/01/2015 22:18

Just to reassure you, I'm another one who thinks you've done the right thing!