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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

just sitting in car

255 replies

shggg245 · 31/12/2014 17:35

I live in a very remote spot just my house and fields - there's a small car park adjacent to my back garden. For the past 3 weeks a man has parked up and sat in his car from 10am until 5 ish. Engine not running - no lights when it's dark.

He literally just sits everyday including weekends. Don't think he's doing anything dodgey but just think it's really peculiar.

Aibu to ask if he's ok or should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
GoringBit · 02/01/2015 12:48

People giving the OP a hard time should wind their necks in.

OP everything you've posted shows your concern for this man, but other than common courtesy and humanity, he is not your personal responsibility. He has chosen to place himself near your home, you haven't invited him. He isn't your friend. I think your rationale re police and vicar is very sound, and I hope he gets whatever support he needs.

MaryWestmacott · 02/01/2015 13:00

I think talking to the vicar is a good start. But don't worry about the police going in too heavy handed, do you have a local commuity support officer you could call and ask if they can do a friendly chat? Sounds like this man needs help.

YouTheCat · 02/01/2015 13:13

Maybe he has the most horrendous in laws staying and he's keeping out of the way?

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 13:18

The vicar was lovely and had previously noticed the man, he instantly knew who I was talking about and had actually placed him on his 'to have a chat' list.

He shares my concern and is going to have a word and offer assistance. If it's wanted I'm confident the vicar will help without making the guy feel uncomfortable.

I totally hear and agree with the right to roam, free country thing. I'm simply concerned, this is very unusual behavior day after day and would like to think people would help me in a similar situation.

Anyway I'll leave in vicar's very capable hands. Thanks for advice it's been useful and much appreciated.

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 02/01/2015 13:23

Have only skimmed the thread so don't know if this has already been suggested, but how secure is your WiFi? Could he be nicking your bandwidth?

MassaAttack · 02/01/2015 13:26

Vicar - of course! Why didn't any of us think of that sooner?

fluffyraggies · 02/01/2015 13:32

I do hope he accepts help from the vicar.

My feeling is that he is parking regularly near a dwelling (OPs house) as he feels it is close to someone. Anyone. And is a familiar spot. How sad.

I think if he was planning to do something to the house or the OP then he wouldn't have been sat there in broad daylight in the same vehicle every day for 3 weeks.

Bananayellow · 02/01/2015 13:35

The wifi thing could be why he is parked so close to you in an otherwise remote spot.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 02/01/2015 15:50

Those who are saying he has right to be there, he isnt doing anything wrong etc, what if he tops himself? "A man was found having committed suicide in a remote spot, having visited it every day, all day, for the month prior"

Seriously? You would wonder why nobody had said or done anything because this sort of thing is unusual and could be an indicator of something deeper wrong.

RandomNPC · 02/01/2015 15:53

I must admit, when I've thought about suicide in the past during deep depressions, this is how I've thought of doing it. I hope the vicar can help him.

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 17:08

He's still here and it's dark and cold. I am seriously concerned. Dh will be home soon I'm going to get him to out again.

OP posts:
Idefix · 02/01/2015 17:11

Hope you are ok Shg and that car man is too. It sounds very sad, and I would also feel spooked by this.

hagarthorne · 02/01/2015 17:24

I think you really should ask the police for help. It's not to do with his right to be there- he has a right to be in many places, including CAB, nice warm libraries, doctors surgeries ect. He has chosen to isolate himself on your doorstep. I think it is what is called a cry for help. You can't help him, but someone can. The vicar clearly has not done his stuff. Please get someone there now.

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 18:02

I'm just very worried for him - this is not right. Just tried 101 but gave up after 15 mins on hold. He's still alive as I've just seen him spark a fag up but he must be freezing. Going to insist on dh speaking yo him again.

OP posts:
hagarthorne · 02/01/2015 18:06

Would your Vicar come out right now?

maddening · 02/01/2015 18:06

I reckon those advising of his right to. Be there would not like me parking my car on the road outside their house and sitting there for hours every day say in your cul-de-sac or outside your terrace house - nothing illegal - right to be there as it is a normal road and I pay road tax, but it would be odd and you would likely feel perturbed.

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 18:08

I'm worried for his health mental and physical he's been in his car since 11 and it's pitch black and cold.

OP posts:
hagarthorne · 02/01/2015 18:09

You could try 111- NHS emergency number.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/01/2015 18:10

Oh heck I'm worried about him how Sad

Give the vicar a call OP - that sounds like a good idea to me. Ihope (s)he will be able to help

hagarthorne · 02/01/2015 18:11

But if not, I'd be ringing 999 by now I think. They get called out for far less than this and you would have a chance to explain the situation to someone who could help.

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 18:14

Dh is going out now. There must be something we can do. I don't have vicar's number and doubt he'd come out in the dark. Told dh to say how concerned we are.

OP posts:
Pipbin · 02/01/2015 18:14

Poor chap. How did the vicar get on?

GatoradeMeBitch · 02/01/2015 18:17

But he is actually pissing outside? Surely if he has a car he's able to drive to public facilities?

I suppose it's nice that some women would want to make tea, do clothes washing and offer their bathrooms up to a complete stranger, but I wouldn't do it!

GatoradeMeBitch · 02/01/2015 18:20

Sorry, I didn't see there were more posts.

fluffyraggies · 02/01/2015 18:21

Oh god does it really matter where he's pissing?????

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