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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

just sitting in car

255 replies

shggg245 · 31/12/2014 17:35

I live in a very remote spot just my house and fields - there's a small car park adjacent to my back garden. For the past 3 weeks a man has parked up and sat in his car from 10am until 5 ish. Engine not running - no lights when it's dark.

He literally just sits everyday including weekends. Don't think he's doing anything dodgey but just think it's really peculiar.

Aibu to ask if he's ok or should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
bigbluestars · 02/01/2015 08:53

THis would freak me out too I'm afraid- I would be calling the police.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 02/01/2015 09:17

Id feel as if I cpuldnt leave the house. He will know after fpur weeks who lives there and when the house is empty.

Someone sitting in their car seven hours a day for 28 days must be pretty low. Id worry about if and when that feeling escalates.

Please call 101 and express your concerns. Even just to have something on file. Give them a description of the bloke and the reg no. Someone could have reported him missing.

There is a man who disappeared local to me (Noth East) a few weeks before Christmas and the local FB pages are awash with his info as family is desperate to just makr sure he is alive and well.

He could be somebodies missing person.

ithoughtofitfirst · 02/01/2015 09:29

Bless him. I wonder what's the matter with him.

LightastheBreeze · 02/01/2015 09:37

I think I would ring 101 also, i wouldn't feel comfortable at all and he has said he will be there for a few more weeks. Although he appears innocent, you never know.

Jill2015 · 02/01/2015 09:38

I'd agree with notifying police. As others have pointed out, somebody could be very worried about him.
It would make me uneasy, the idea of someone sitting for days on end, near my house, if I lived in an isolated area. I wouldn't be inviting him in/ giving him tea/ washing his clothes, sorry.

insancerre · 02/01/2015 09:39

I would be ringing the police and asking for their advice
You never know, they might visit him and he might move on hopefully to one of those posters up thread who are keen to do his washing and adopt him

Hatespiders · 02/01/2015 09:43

I agree he could be dodgy, even though he sounds ok MH-wise. No-one knows his back story after all. He could have been chucked out by his wife for any number of reasons (eg DV) or even be hiding from the Police (eg for breaching bail). If he has a car, he surely has money to get accommodation. And it's odd he has no friends who could let him doss on a sofa or something.
And a quick wee on one occasion is not the same as doing that several times a day for weeks. It isn't hygienic. I'm compassionate but prudent too. There are some weird folk at large, and I can say I'd have run this past the Police immediately. There are agencies for helping people in crisis, who have experience in these matters. A lone householder in an isolated spot would be ill-advised to get involved.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/01/2015 09:56

I actually think I would call the police for advice. I wouldn't be very happy to have an unknown man sitting outside of my home constantly. I think you do have to put your family's safety first and hopefully the police would be able to put him in touch with those who can help him with getting better housing / other services.

Newrule · 02/01/2015 10:23

OP initially said she was not worried about her safety. He has been there for 3 plus weeks and has shown no interest in her house.

I imagine he would not want to park somewhere completely isolated in case he comes to some harm. Being near a house may offer him some feeling of safety.

I find it odd that he is not around your neck of the woods OP. He drives to your area every day. I can't imagine he is driving for miles on end to get to that spot and I imagine he knew the area and did not just chance upon it?

deeedeee · 02/01/2015 10:41

I think you should definately call the police. He could be a missing person, could be vulnerable, could've a criminal, all sorts. The police could investigate . Imagine he was to commit suicide, freeze to death, hurt someone, and his family we're wondering why you didn't try and get help when he's been sitting outside if your house for weeks. It's very very weird. And so would you be to ignore this and decide it's none of your business. The man is on your doorstep! He is your business

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 10:48

I don't feel threatened by him but it makes me uncomfortable I can't say why exactly. Guessing but I don't think he's a 'local' although I expect he's staying nearby. He didn't offer any explanation to why he's here, which was partly one of the reasons husband feels he is not mentally ill, aviodant but able to deflect and communicate well.

He knew we were the householders and says he's seen us pottering around - he also liked my car. I don't know.

My dad said get him checked out via reg number or maybe get vicar involved. Equally I don't want to give him a hard time as he's not actually doing anything wrong.

He's not here yet so maybe husband's intervention has put him off.

OP posts:
Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 10:55

I'll give 101 a call just to makes sure he's not missing or wanted. Poor chap don't want to make things worse for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 11:05

He's here. Sad

OP posts:
deeedeee · 02/01/2015 11:10

You're no giving him a hard time, you're making sure he's ok. I'm sure your husband is very experienced and great at his job, and therefore would agree that you can never be 100% certain someone is not mentally ill from a conversation. What did 101 say?

Osirus · 02/01/2015 11:18

This is so sad. I hope he manages to fix whatever has gone wrong with his life. If he was there on New Year's Day, he was probably there Christmas Day too.

thenightsky · 02/01/2015 11:20

What sort of car is it? Posh and new or beat up and old looking?

Are you not tempted to follow him when he leaves?

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 02/01/2015 11:31

Does he do anything while he's there - play music, read, use phone or tablet, eat, get out and walk about or does he just sit there?

Original poster
shggg245 · 02/01/2015 11:31

Right I'm off to see the vicar he can do his pastoral care thing - police seems too heavy handed and I don't trust them to handle it sensitively. They're likely say 'right we've had a complaint'

It's an old car and no way would I follow him.

And yes agree MH is not an exact science - the clients my husband deals with are extremely unwell so unless they're completely psychotic or likely to harm he's not that worried.

OP posts:
mutternutter · 02/01/2015 11:45

Keep us updated op. In suspense here. Do hope all ok

Ohbollocksandballs · 02/01/2015 11:49

In all honesty if I was the OP I'd be pretty concerned. Both about my welfare and his.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/01/2015 11:59

To those who have given OP a hard time, would you really be nonplussed about a total stranger parking up outside your house day in, day out? Shock, really?

I'd be concerned and nervous that after I'd/Dh [had] spoken to him he felt he could still turn up [isolated area] and has admitted watching the householder pottering around inside their home.

Yes his welfare is a concern but your own is more important, get the Vicar involved and I'd be thinking about the police being made aware too.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/01/2015 12:01

I think asking vicar for advice is a good idea. Let us know what he says.

RandomNPC · 02/01/2015 12:15

About the MH thing, when I'm particularly low/suicidal I can be very convincing that there's nothing wrong with me. After a few years dealing with MH professionals, I know what to say to them. Sometimes it is very difficult to determine MH symptoms when talking to someone who has been unwell for a long time.
I think people are being unfair having a go at the OP, I imagine it IS a bit scary having this man there every day. I think the vicar/101 is the right way to go.

deeedeee · 02/01/2015 12:39

If he's not doing anything wrong, then the police aren't going to be heavy handed. If you ring 101 and just say you're are concerned and ask them to investigate and give them his reg. you can even say you don't want him
Approached on your behalf. Vicar good idea too.

How about also asking www.missingpeople.org.uk for advice?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/01/2015 12:47

I would feel very uncomfortable with someone sat in a car practically on my doorstep for 7 hours a day

It does not really matter what your comfort level is, a member of the public in a public area breaking no laws is entitled to be there regardless

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