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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me out here/ urgent

209 replies

Kab13 · 31/12/2014 12:29

At a soft play, 90% sure there's aan taking photos of random children. Seem him sat on his phone with camera on. Told the managers don't seem to be doing much .
Not sure if he got a shot of my dd who ran infront of him. He's acting very shifty.
What do I do?
He's here with his son...

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 20:44

Sorry I missed that the play centre said 'No pics' but seriously, kids should be fully clothed on the beach?

Waltonswatcher · 31/12/2014 20:52

Oh gawd-really? Surely you know the difference between naked and swim cossie? Naked kids I mean .

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 20:54

Yes its hysteria because the children were all supervised by adults and were fully clothed. OP says the man was allegedly taking photos and I have asked btw, did she see exactly what was photographed? It could be he was taking selfies.

I have very real experience with this and IMO it is bordering on hysteria reacting like that.

lisaloulou84 · 31/12/2014 20:56

Well done OP for spending quality time on New Year's Eve at a soft play with your child, clearly many others on here don't have time for such activities as they're too busy online trying to pick holes in your story...

First off, if 3 separate people are concerned plus management it's not nothing.

Second - all phones make that clicking noise when you take a picture, can't turn the bloody thing off!

And thirdly, she posted for advice not to be picked to pieces, whether you think she was right to be concerned or not. Such a nice community sometimes Mumsnet!

grocklebox · 31/12/2014 20:59

First, just because threee people think something, doesnt make it true.
Second, not true, my phone makes no noise when taking photos.
Third, she posted in aibu with a load of rubbish. She got good advice.

ILovePud · 31/12/2014 21:00

It's not hysteria, she was concerned, so were others, she spoke to the manger and they eventually contacted the police. She didn't go after him with pitch forks and flaming torches, she didn't go and daub 'paedo' on his car. I'd rather people take a overly cautious approach to child protection than turn a blind eye, minimise and deny that child abuse goes on as has happened in the past.

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 21:02

Three people concerned but nobody approached him, instead asked for urgent advice presumably on her own phone and didn't like the majority of answers. I have been able to turn off the clicking noise on all my phones, go into the camera settings or just put your phone onto silent.

I'm not spending any of the evening with either of my children, they are out partying and in the pub

Lifesalemon · 31/12/2014 21:04

donkey we have a no photo policy at the school where I work and it is nothing to do with hysteria or the fear of a child sex offender being in the audience. It's to safeguard certain students who for various reasons are not permitted to be photographed.

grocklebox · 31/12/2014 21:05

Pretty sure they didnt contact the police, and if they did the police would tell them to sod off.

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 21:09

If this man was allegedly taking photos inside the play area not of his own children it is bad manners and inappropriate IME it would not be viewed as a CP/ Safeguarding concern by the police nor SS.

ILovePud · 31/12/2014 21:13

Not on it's own Donkey but if there had been a number of complaints about a man doing this in the area or if indeed he was known to the police then I think it would be treated as a CP concern.

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 21:17

I appreciate that especially with LAC's there is sometimes limitations but when my children were in primary school it was due to hysterical mothers and being worried about pedophiles.

With this OP I can't see where there was any safeguarding issues here. The man wasn't approaching or talking to any children other than his own and appeared (not confirmed) to be taking photos, which could be selfies but it appears nobody saw any actual pictures just heard a clicking noise (again not very discreet if that was what he was trying to be) Due to the age restrictions in these places children are not allowed in unsupervised so all children would have had a parent or guardian with them. I really can't see where the CP Safeguarding issue is.

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 21:20

All if's Ilovepud. Lets assume this man was known to police for child exploitation/ sex offences do you think he woulod be allowed unsupervised visits to a childrens play centre with his own children? Not unheard of but very unlikely. I stand by what I say that on the evidence presented the police are unlikely to react to this IME

Lifesalemon · 31/12/2014 21:26

I get what you are saying regarding OP donkey
That's why I've not actually posted an opinion on that. I've been watching the thread and can see both sides. I agree that taking photos of random children seems dodgy but if it was anything sinister surely he would have been more discreet about it and I can't see a possible reason he would have for taking the photos in the first place. If it was a beach or a swimming pool that would be different but I really am sitting on the fence with this one.

ILovePud · 31/12/2014 21:33

They are all if's and that's why it's best to inform the police and let them decide what if any action to take. If he had convictions for offences against children then he may well not be supposed to have unsupervised contact with kids or go to play centres but sadly, especially as convictions are so hard to achieve in this area, there's an awful lot more people that the police have intelligence on than are convicted and even if someone is convicted and isn't supposed to do certain things it doesn't mean they won't. I agree with you that the police are unlikely to send cars with blues and twos on straight round but it still doesn't mean reporting it is worthless, hysterical or to be derided.

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 21:41

Its strange how both MrsDeVere and I work in CP and Safeguarding in a professional capacity and we both seem to post very similar views. Maybe because we are posting from our experience rather than opinion. I also have very real experience regarding CP and my own DC's and yes I still think it is hysteria instead of common sense.

theendoftheendoftheend · 31/12/2014 21:50

I wouldn't gloat about working in CP and Safeguarding, although given your opinions I wouldn't be suprised if you do!

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 21:57

theendoftheendoftheend you missed off what my DC's had to go through 10 yrs ago - damn that'd be gloating too. Sorry if my experiences and opinions offend but I neither care nor change them.

ILovePud · 31/12/2014 22:00

I really hate it when people trot out 'I do x y or Z for a living' to try and say that their opinions are more valid than others', it's a parenting forum, people can answer from their frame of reference as parents. We have no way of knowing whether you or anyone else works in safeguarding and you have no idea what the professional backgrounds of people who have posted in support of the OP's course of action are.

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2014 22:04

People who work in CP will know better than most what is considered a safe guarding issue, ILove and given this is a parenting forum, are likely to be parents themselves.

So whilst their opinion isn't necessarily more valid than anybody else's, the 'frame of reference' which helps form the opinion probably is.

ILovePud · 31/12/2014 22:15

Well I can say I'm an astronaut or a jockey or a professional ice sculptor on here.....I think saying you're a CP professional just sounds wanky in this context. I think only a police officer would be qualified to comment (in a professional capacity) on whether contacting the police in this situation would be appropriate.

Icimoi · 31/12/2014 22:18

It sounds as if the three women reporting this were basically wound up by each other, given that it appears each report was made publicly and audibly as OP knew all about the other two. But if that is the case, it's interesting that none of the other parents backed them up.

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 22:20

I have bobbed in and out of this thread a lot today - damn illness keeping me in tonight and not until the very end have I disclosed why I say what I did. In a lot of my posts I have said IME rather than IMO I have also stated I have got very real and personal experience (not professional) for my posts and opinions.

Most on here will have DH's, DP's, DB's, DF's and DS's etc and I think it is a shame that they may one day feel unable to take their children anywhere and not get their phone out for the fear that out of hysteria someone might be 90% sure they are taking inappropriate photos, despite not seeing any photo to indicate so. FFS this man might have been taking selfies thus the camera being on, sat there bored to tears waiting for his DC's

I stand by everything I posted that, this man didn't talk or approached any child other than his own, was in a place where children are only allowed if supervised by an adult and all children would have been fully clothed, unlike in a pool and was obviously not discreet by his actions or the camera noise on his phone.

Where is common sense? It doesn't matter if you do or don't work in any field

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2014 22:20

And that would highlight you lack some understanding of the CP process.

forumdonkey · 31/12/2014 22:24

Ilovepud I agree and I think there is someone who does work for the police in child exploitation on this board somewhere and I would love for their input and opinion I really would.

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