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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to return these baby clothes? (someone "gave" them to me)

181 replies

Mammanat222 · 29/12/2014 13:18

So an old friend gave me a massive amount of baby clothes (all the way from birth to 1 year) and was very OTT when she gifted them. She made a big song and dance about how she's washed them / put them in order and how happy she was to help us out etc..

She has now discovered that another friend [not someone I know] is also having a girl a few months after me so has messaged to ask that I send the clothes back after so she can "give" them to her friend.

AIBU to just send the whole lot back now? I will need to get her to come and collect them as we don't have a car at the moment.

I will of course be tactful and don't want to seem ungrateful in any way but keeping these clothes separate from my own will be a huge hassle (I have a relative expecting a girl and want to give her my baby clothes!)

OP posts:
ArgentinianMalbec · 30/12/2014 10:24

I am amazed by the cheek of your "friend"! Who does she think she is! I would be tempted to get the box of clothes and leave it outside her house. Fucking bitch! Please don't cry, she is being unreasonable - not you.

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 30/12/2014 11:25

youve been pretty rude imo

How so?

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 30/12/2014 11:38

"A gift to be returned when you've finished" - does not compute.

What a cow she's proving herself to be. Well done for warning her other victim friend, and what a good solution re the husband.

Saki5000 · 30/12/2014 11:41

Your "friend" has been very unreasonable. The person in Reading hasn't done anything wrong though so if her DH is willing to collect the clothes from you when he is in London the weekend after next I would give them to him then.

Hakluyt · 30/12/2014 11:46

A sideline but "I have only done this once with a very small bundle of nice and distinctive clothes and, even so, it was a pain. If I pass clothes on, my only proviso is that they are passed on to someone else in their turn or given to a charity shop outside my immediate area (not sold)."

Why "outside my immediate area"?

ZingTheGreat · 30/12/2014 12:07

burning the clothes and posting photos - I like your way of thinking!Grin

CecilyP · 30/12/2014 12:07

Glad the Reading family are being reasonable and hope the DH is able to collect the clothes without incident. If your friend had no plans to see Reading family between now and April, it seems that she, while acting as Lady Bountiful, was expecting to use you both as a free storage facility and a free courier service.

MokunMokun · 30/12/2014 12:41

Of course you haven't been rude. The woman sounds awful. Glad to hear the Reading woman is nicer. I hope they get picked up ok. Relax and enjoy your last few weeks. Block the rude woman if possible on What's app.

cardamomginger · 30/12/2014 13:11

Bloody hell OP! She sounds like an utter loon.

PrettyLittleMitty · 30/12/2014 13:20

If you go with the setting fire to them option (which I think you should) you would be unreasonable to not post photo's here Grin

TattyDevine · 30/12/2014 13:58

She really is batty.

It's nice to pass stuff on, I pass stuff on. But when I pass stuff on, its done firstly by making sure they want the item. The item is then gifted to them. I tell them to pass it on to someone else or a charity shop when they are done with it. One friend used my moses basket twice (so its now been used for 4 babies which is great) and she passed it back to me "just in case" so could get another using. If she'd had a friend expecting I would have been equally happy for them to have had it.

Clothes get lost, ripped, stained, or worn out. To have to worry about giving them back is unnecessary stress for something that can probably be purchased at a supermarket for a couple of quid.

All that aside, she has really showed her true colours with the song and dance about them being returned and then moved on elsewhere. Nutty.

schokolade · 30/12/2014 14:21

Delayed response sorry!

I try clothes on the baby because I haven't got money to throw away on Winter coats etc that don't fit!! Am amazed people do really.

MrsHathaway · 30/12/2014 14:43

schoko I think we thought you meant vests and everything Grin

Mind you, I've tried nearly nothing on my DC except wedding outfits.

schokolade · 30/12/2014 14:47

[Grin] At trying on vests. You're right depends what's in the parcel. Sounds like the friend has lost the plot now anyway. .

CecilyP · 30/12/2014 15:05

When I first read your post, I thought you meant to see if it suited your baby, imagining you holding her up to the mirror in the changing room or asking for a second opinion from the sales assistant. Now I see what you mean about more expensive seasonal items and it makes more sense.

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 30/12/2014 15:24

Your friend is a twat, pass clothing into the other friends DH, and then never have any contact with her again.

You have been entirely reasonable.

brokenhearted55a · 30/12/2014 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

schokolade · 30/12/2014 15:54

You still have to try on at home and go back to shop etc though. I conclude that buying baby clothes is generally a pita!

Trunkisareshite · 30/12/2014 16:07

Just taxi them to her house with the instruction if she isn't in to leave them on her door step. Or if you keep them bill her for storage- you're not the 'big yellow box' storage for other peoples stuff!

If she'd said 'here's some clothes, when your done I have X friend who could do with them, feel free to pass them on' then fine but she didn't she went all control freaky instead and spoilt what would be a kind thing to do.

Surely unless your planning on needing them back for another child of your own you wouldn't care what happens to them?

anothernumberone · 30/12/2014 16:11

OP I would drop them back to your friend with a thank you note and a re gifted box of chocolates. I definitely would not send them onto other friend. It strikes me that she wants to be seen as a really generous person by as many people as possible and that is why she is promising multiple people the same clothes.

woollyjumpers · 30/12/2014 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplepoodle · 30/12/2014 16:40

Your friends been unreasonable but some people do seem to do this with baby things. They 'give' them then expect them back or have a say in what happens to them. I refused baby clothes from a close friend as had a feeling she was this type - lovely designer stuff. Told her to sell it on ebay. Tbh mine didn't really progress out of baby gros (smart ones) until they were 8/9 months and walking

BalloonSlayer · 30/12/2014 17:47

Maybe the charity shop thing is so that the poster doesn't see her old stuff in there and have a pang at her pfb's special dress being for sale for 80p. That would make me sad tbh.

FigWig · 30/12/2014 18:22

I'd have given them back immediately.

I'm probably in the minority but the thought of being given a bag full of greying, bobbly baby clothes that have been worn by loads of other kids is enough to make me recoil in horror....

puffinsaregood · 30/12/2014 18:51

The outside area charity shop thing is probably in case her relatives see the (distinctive) presents they bought her years ago in the charity shop for 50p.