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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to return these baby clothes? (someone "gave" them to me)

181 replies

Mammanat222 · 29/12/2014 13:18

So an old friend gave me a massive amount of baby clothes (all the way from birth to 1 year) and was very OTT when she gifted them. She made a big song and dance about how she's washed them / put them in order and how happy she was to help us out etc..

She has now discovered that another friend [not someone I know] is also having a girl a few months after me so has messaged to ask that I send the clothes back after so she can "give" them to her friend.

AIBU to just send the whole lot back now? I will need to get her to come and collect them as we don't have a car at the moment.

I will of course be tactful and don't want to seem ungrateful in any way but keeping these clothes separate from my own will be a huge hassle (I have a relative expecting a girl and want to give her my baby clothes!)

OP posts:
duplodon · 30/12/2014 09:05

I would give it back. We were given clothes by about six sets of people. When we were moving house, I had 67 pairs of trousers in 2-3. I sincerely wish this were an exaggeration. I was literally drowning in clothes at times, it was a relief to be able to get rid of the ones people wanted back because we were moving.

duplodon · 30/12/2014 09:06

Oops just read update. She is being a cow.

TheBooMonster · 30/12/2014 09:09

mama your "friend" is entirely unreasonable, I personally would have nothing to do with her after that outburst, at least the friend the clothes are being passed onto is far more reasonable and good on you for warning her that the clothes may come with strings!

AliceLidl · 30/12/2014 09:11

That sounds awful OP.

She's not the same friend who wanted her son to wear wellies on your new carpet is she?

Best to just let the other woman's husband pick up the stuff and have done with it now.

And if he doesn't come, tell your friend you will store the clothes for a week or so but if she hasn't come to collect them by X date you will pass them on to the charity shop.

AlpacaLypse · 30/12/2014 09:12

Brew and Flowers Mammanat!

Well done for warning the other mother to be to watch out for the strings that your ex-friend attaches to 'gifts' Smile

ASunnyTiger · 30/12/2014 09:12

She was using you for storage and passing it off as generosity. She sounds horrible.

AlpacaLypse · 30/12/2014 09:14

And that bit about 'not having space to store them'... So she expects you to keep stuff for her? I believe Big Yellow charges per cubic foot per week... shall we help you work out a bill for her?

expatinscotland · 30/12/2014 09:18

She was using you to fob off her gear and then pass them on to someone else making her look good on top. Fuck using a courier to do her shit. He picks them up or flog them.

As for her, get rid of her from your life.

expatinscotland · 30/12/2014 09:23

And fuck being 'the bigger person'. There's no such thing as 'karma'. Tell her, 'Thanks for making me feel like shit, using me to store your gear and expecting me to act as your fucking secretary. If anyone's a bitch, it's you, you bossy, narcissist douchebag asshole.'

GoodZingWenceslass · 30/12/2014 09:24

poor you.Thanks

at this point I would be just as upset. she misled you and used you as temporary storage.

you have a few options - but as you are now the "ungrateful bitch" in their eyes (not that you are!!!) it doesn't matter what you do and I don't think you are obliged to play nice anymore.

this is what I would do : call other woman and tell her that you will place clothes in a box outside your home this Saturday between 10am - 5pm.
if it's not collected you will take the whole lot to charity shop on Monday.
do not explain yourself again.
be matter of fact.

you do not need to deal with other people's shit and while it's a sorry thing this person is not your friend anymore best thing is to take a deep breath and be grateful it happened now, not a few months down the line when she would ask you to replace damaged items or pay for them or whatever disgusting thing she'd dream up!
good riddance to them

please don't cry. they are not worth itThanks
big hugs

ILovePud · 30/12/2014 09:26

I think your latest update confirms what a cow she is, what is the point of trying to preserve this relationship? Do what ever is most convenient with the clothes but I certainly wouldn't be sending them on to her other friend. I feel sorry for the other friend, I'd be mortified if I was being pulled into her unreasonable behaviour.

PrettyLittleMitty · 30/12/2014 09:26

She sounds awful, certainly not the kind and generous friend she tries to portray on fb. Please don't let this upset you, you sound like you have a lot going on and don't need the stress. I wouldn't be rushing to have any contact wih this "friend" again.

diddl · 30/12/2014 09:33

The friend sounds awful.

But the clothes were always going to have to be returned?

So how where they to be returned when finished with?

Whose responsibility would that have been?

Yours or hers?

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 30/12/2014 09:39

Thanks ladies, glad I am not being overly sensitive about this.

She is being really mean.

LOL, so she isn't my wellie friend, although she is the second friend I've had issues with recently so I am the common denominator???? Hmm

This friend is someone I have known forever but don't see all that often, not someone I am massively close to but we've always kept in touch and only see each other sporadically.

No real loss on my part, am tempted to burn her fucking clothes though, join FB and post loads of pictures for her viewing pleasure !!!

OP posts:
Orangeisthenewbanana · 30/12/2014 09:40

Sorry to read your update OP Sad Your friend is the one BU. If someone is passing on baby clothes or toys (or whatever) they should say straight out if they are expecting them back. If they didn't, I would assume they were mine to do with as I wanted. Personally, I wouldn't give away anything I wanted back unless it was something I could be fairly sure would be indestructible, and certainly nothing that required elaborate keeping separate from everything else nonsense! She is basically using you for storage space so she can look super generous to as many friends as possible for sharing all her baby clothes.

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 30/12/2014 09:42

As far as I understood when she gave me the clothes, they were a gift (she even agreed with this when I spoke to her last night)

Then when it transpired she wanted them back I assumed - based on her phrasing - that I would send them back to her and she would pass them on.

Once I diplomatically tried to return the clothes without using them I was informed I need to send them on directly to her friend as she doesn't have the space and won't be seeing her friend for a few months.

All very odd and completely unnecessary

OP posts:
EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 30/12/2014 09:45

Diddl the expectation that they would be returned was made clear after they were given.

Branleuse · 30/12/2014 09:50

youve been pretty rude imo

diddl · 30/12/2014 09:53

Can you store them without trouble?

If so I'd phone the other friend & give her a date to collect them by.

I agree that much easier to get rid of the whole lot now rather than in dribs & drabs.

Jodie1982 · 30/12/2014 09:53

Fuck her, cheeky cow she is. Can u dump the bag on her doorstep? Tell her unless she comes to get em they'll go to charity shop.

Springsintheair · 30/12/2014 09:54

Quite honestly, I would get your dh to drive to this "friend's" house and just leave the clothes outside her door with a note saying I really appreciate your generosity but have no further need.

I would not do her the favour and pass on the clothes to her other friend. She sounds selfish or dumb or both.

Springsintheair · 30/12/2014 09:55

Jodie, x post Smile

Mmmicecream · 30/12/2014 10:04

YANBU! I borrowed items from someone I thought was reasonable and would be fine with a little normal wear and tear, but ended up having to spend money to replace something I never even used because she reckoned that when I gave it back it was in a worse condition than when I received it.

I know a woman that always says "neither a lender nor borrower be" if you want to keep peace, and I think that's true. The only time lending or borrowing is OK is when you are absolutely sure you're on the same page about what is normal wear and tear.

messyisthenewtidy · 30/12/2014 10:11

It sounds to me that part of her motivation was to use you as storage (with the added bonus of looking good). I know someone who sometimes does this and it drives me crazy. She gives me a box of clothes. I say no thanks (we have different styles and sizes). She says "well have a look and any you don't like just take them to the charity shop".

Then she scarpers and I'm left storing her clothes for her AND saving her the trip to recycle them.Confused

Orangeisthenewbanana · 30/12/2014 10:23

We declined to lend BIL and SIL our maxi cosi car seat for that exact reason Mmmi. It was pretty pristine and we knew that if it got stained, they would likely argue about how "it wasn't that bad" rather than want to replace it. I felt bad at the time, but knew it would likely save hassle in the future!

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