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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think nobody will believe it was an accident this time...

170 replies

RedFacedReindeer · 28/12/2014 19:42

...if I'm pregnant again?

NC. Anyway: DS, now five months, was a happy and statistically highly improbable accident. I had a copper coil in and though it had not moved and did not appear in any way defective, he nevertheless turned up. As DP and I were relatively new together, I'm a full-time student and we... aren't married yet, this caused much consternation with our friends and families. As over the years I've often said I'd like to have children relatively young, and DP has apparently said the same, there was some eyebrow raising that it was really an accident.

Anyway, everyone eventually got their heads round the idea, uni have let me take a year out, DS is now the apple of grandparents eye, DP and I have almost got over the shock/ got accustomed to the lack of sleep, and I'm looking for childminders in preparation for going back to studying next academic year. At some point I said to my mother it would be a shame there'd be such a big age gap before the next one (I really want to finish studying and get career established - 6 years before even trying) and she said 'just don't go there', as if I was suggesting taking another year out to have more.

Anyway, I now have a horrible feeling I know what the last four days of enhanced sense of smell and room spinning and terrible nausea feel like. And it's not norovirus. Going to POAS asap but SERIOUSLY. We've probably only dtd about ten times since he was born, and are using durex extra safe ffs! AND I'm breastfeeding. (Awaits barrage of 'you can't rely on that for contraception you know...)

If it comes back positive, WIBU to just tell everyone we've planned it like this as nobody will bloody believe we could have two such 'accidents' in quick succession??

(Fwiw though, dire financial and career and space in our tiny flat implications aside, I'd bloody love another baby Grin. Probably definitely getting ahead of myself though...)

OP posts:
Starlightbright1 · 29/12/2014 12:28

Sorry it is not the result you wanted but it has made you think about what you want more x

hhhhhhh · 29/12/2014 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoringBit · 29/12/2014 12:35

I took bfn to mean big fat no, Tattie

IBrokeTheInternetB4itWasCool · 29/12/2014 12:36

Aw, sorry you're disappointed OP. Tattiebogle it means Big Fat Negative. Boooo. x

LostOnLand · 29/12/2014 12:42

Two kids is much harder than one, more than twice as hard! Especially if you have a more difficult baby second time round. Although there is also an arguement for them being close together and getting it out of the way - we had a 21 month gap.

I'd really work out the practicalities and costs before letting your hormones get the better of you. I had a passing thought about retraining as a Dr and I know I couldn't do it, we are just too exhausted - mine are nearly 3 and 4 and a half and the eldest wakes every night. I'm just about managing to be a SAHM and retrain, in my own time and pace in accountancy instead. In your situation, and what seems like a good time for your body and your older child's adjustment, I'd plan a second child when the first starts school, or just before so you will be on maternity just before they start school. So a 3.5 to 4.5 yrs gap - saves money on childcare and you eldest will be old enough to entertain himself and even help you a little. Unless you have lots of family support or money to pay for help of course!

Boomtownsurprise · 29/12/2014 13:11

Training is definitely no barrier today. As I say GP is a great option. All our female friends from uni work part time. And you help the community. Not one, and all qualified and settled now about ten years so all have kids, regret the path.

The ones who chose law are more mixed in responses, mainly those still in London practice. Those who moved to more local roles are as happy as the GPS.

TheEagle · 29/12/2014 13:12

Sorry to hear it was a BFN OP.

If it's any consolation, I had incredibly strong pg symptoms when I was BFing and gearing up to ovulate again. I POASed a few times that cycle!

2 cycles later I got pg with twins Grin and am 20 weeks pg now.

MissDuke · 29/12/2014 13:12

At least this has helped you and oh gain some perspective on what you want Wink It isn't the end of the world, at least you can have some fun now 'trying' Grin Things have a habit of working out in the end. Hope you aren't too disappointed!

MrsHathaway · 29/12/2014 13:47

Since it's BFN I can remark that my youngest is the age OP's baby would have been as a sibling if it had been BFP - with me? Mine is 8 and a bit months older.

A 5mo is a very easy age. They generally have predictable wants and needs, are scarcely mobile if at all, very portable, etc. It's a happy peak of parenting.

A 13mo is a whirlwind. He can sort of understand what you say but can't respond. He can walk and climb but falls over hourly. He gets frustrated and Knows What He Wants.

A 13mo is a baby. It's very young to be the oldest.

I think it would be prudent of OP to get through this stage - baby easy to look after, broody hormones peaking - before making a decision.

LizzieMint · 29/12/2014 13:48

Sorry to hear you didn't get the result you wanted op - but at least you now know it's what you wanted now.
lostonland would you mind if I PM you? I'm a SAHM and I'm planning on retraining in accountancy when my littlest starts school in sept so it'd be great to speak to someone further down that line!

TattyDevine · 29/12/2014 13:58

Thanks for update! Sorry to hear it was a negative - probably pros and cons for that outcome, very thought provoking for you x

LostOnLand · 29/12/2014 14:05

Lizzie, feel free to get in touch, although I've taken my time so I'm not very far on with these plans - partly as I keep wondering if it's the right thing and partly because my youngest won't start school until Sept 16, so I can take my time.

DeWee · 29/12/2014 15:14

Sorry you're disappointed.

But I was coming on to say I knew a couple that had 5 children (all singletons) in 6 years, all conceived under at least one form of contraceptive. the last 3 they were using 2-3 types at a time.
As the dad said "we have 5 degrees between us, but can't work out contraception..."
So I don't see whay people wouldn't believe you.

tobysmum77 · 29/12/2014 16:50

Sorry to hear that op. I was quite happy to be proved wrong on this one. Get cracking then Wink

ohtheholidays · 29/12/2014 19:15

Sorry OP,but thought I should just mention I had 5 negative tests with our 5th DC but was sure I was pregnant.

4 Tests I did myself and the 5th one I had done at a family planning clinic,when that came back negative the lovely young Dr who did the test said she was sure I was pregnant as well.She told me to leave it a week and go to the Dr's.Went to our DR's and she did a test and said to me and DH your very pregnant,we were about 2 months along.Smile

Moreisnnogedag · 29/12/2014 20:43

Ah sorry about that. I think it might be worthwhile deciding for yourselves when would be the right time, bugger what other people think.

Fwiw, the financial support available as a student is far in excess of what you'll get once you qualify. I think people can always think that x is the right time, but ultimately there's pros and cons at whichever stage.

jaggythistle · 30/12/2014 07:53

Hope you're ok after BFN OP.

elspethmcgillicuddy · 30/12/2014 14:49

Sorry OP.

Fwiw I had my first as an F2 and my second as GPST1. It is all totally manageable. In some ways the fact that it "isn't the done thing" makes it easier. I was the only F2 in the deanery with a baby so they I gave me supernumerary jobs for the rest of my foundation training part time to accommodate me. I didnlt even have to worry about job sharing.

Good luck :)

heartisaspade · 31/12/2014 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charlie97 · 31/12/2014 10:03

Oh well OP, maybe you might rethink your plans

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