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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think nobody will believe it was an accident this time...

170 replies

RedFacedReindeer · 28/12/2014 19:42

...if I'm pregnant again?

NC. Anyway: DS, now five months, was a happy and statistically highly improbable accident. I had a copper coil in and though it had not moved and did not appear in any way defective, he nevertheless turned up. As DP and I were relatively new together, I'm a full-time student and we... aren't married yet, this caused much consternation with our friends and families. As over the years I've often said I'd like to have children relatively young, and DP has apparently said the same, there was some eyebrow raising that it was really an accident.

Anyway, everyone eventually got their heads round the idea, uni have let me take a year out, DS is now the apple of grandparents eye, DP and I have almost got over the shock/ got accustomed to the lack of sleep, and I'm looking for childminders in preparation for going back to studying next academic year. At some point I said to my mother it would be a shame there'd be such a big age gap before the next one (I really want to finish studying and get career established - 6 years before even trying) and she said 'just don't go there', as if I was suggesting taking another year out to have more.

Anyway, I now have a horrible feeling I know what the last four days of enhanced sense of smell and room spinning and terrible nausea feel like. And it's not norovirus. Going to POAS asap but SERIOUSLY. We've probably only dtd about ten times since he was born, and are using durex extra safe ffs! AND I'm breastfeeding. (Awaits barrage of 'you can't rely on that for contraception you know...)

If it comes back positive, WIBU to just tell everyone we've planned it like this as nobody will bloody believe we could have two such 'accidents' in quick succession??

(Fwiw though, dire financial and career and space in our tiny flat implications aside, I'd bloody love another baby Grin. Probably definitely getting ahead of myself though...)

OP posts:
Boredshitless · 28/12/2014 20:14

Who cares, if they believe you or not?? But please POAS!

Smile - hopeful face!

Boredshitless · 28/12/2014 20:16

Hamportcourt is right ..... Go find a late night chemist!

longjane · 28/12/2014 20:19

All the drs on here say have your kids young before you start all the cazy hours .

TooHasty · 28/12/2014 20:22

Yes POAS. Enhanced sense of smell comes with any queasiness with me.
Who is going to be looking after your tots when you are doing placements which might not be at all local?

LST · 28/12/2014 20:26

Oh please please poas!

Moreisnnogedag · 28/12/2014 20:26

Ooh POAS and let us know

Honestly I thinned school is the right time to have children - they have to accommodate you!! I had DS during cSt and it was a nightmare. Am currently a reg and pregnant and whilst seniors have been lovely it's taken its toll on my career development (I.e. I think I will always be a staff grade, which I am happy with).

Good luck!

Theyvallgone · 28/12/2014 20:27

eek please get to a late night chemist :P You're killing us!

On the question in hand ... I can't actually believe that people ASK whether it was planned. When I announced my pregnancy everyone asked me whether it was on purpose and I was gobsmacked! How is it their business? I would never ask anyone (unless really really close?!)

SophieBarringtonWard · 28/12/2014 20:28

Heck of a lot easier to have kids during medical school than during your junior doctor years, IMO.

(We had one while DH was in medical school and one during FY. Medical school was way easier! Pregnant with third and will have it during ST (inshallah!) so wait to see how that goes...)

Babiecakes11 · 28/12/2014 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedFacedReindeer · 28/12/2014 20:36

DP has just read this thread and is now running round like a headless chicken. Possibly should have mentioned this to him first... Googled late night pharmacies and none near us on Sundays so will have to wait to POAS until tomorrow morning. TooHasty current plan for DS is childminder that fits around DP's hours. He works flexible shifts so is going to take a weekday off, and I won't work weekends until I qualify, so he'll only be in childcare four days a week. If I am expecting again will push that plan back a year and look for someone that can take two! And thank god for student childcare grants. DP is luckily fairly local workwise as my commute is at least an hour 15 depending on which hospitals I get for rotations Smile. (Assume you're asking as DM's general skepticism might be down to her being childcare plan- she's very much not!)

And yy to whoever said- I do sort of think there's an argument for having kids before foundation years craziness. But we'll see...

OP posts:
Gem124 · 28/12/2014 20:38

Good luck!!

DartmoorDoughnut · 28/12/2014 20:40

Am I the only one gutted that you can't POAS yet?! Hmm Grin

eurochick · 28/12/2014 20:44

I think the best response to anyone asking if it was planned would be "why don't we discuss your contraceptive arrangements first. Off you go...".

Whereisegg · 28/12/2014 20:45

I cannot believe that you would be so bloody irresponsible as to start this thread with no access to a chemist! Shock

RedFacedReindeer · 28/12/2014 20:46

Oh and I KNOW about people asking if he was an accident! I couldn't get over the rudeness!
One midwife I saw read on notes I am medical student and, tutting, gestured in the general direction of the bump saying 'And I presume this was an accident...' complete with pursed lips.

So I lied and said no, and we'd been trying for ages, just to throw her, because I'm a bad person Blush.

OP posts:
RedFacedReindeer · 28/12/2014 20:47

Whereisegg I am truly sorry. If it helps, DP feels much the same as you...

OP posts:
Silentelf · 28/12/2014 20:48

Congrats! And so long as you can make things work financially, having babies during medical school probably isn't a bad time, compared to later on in your career. I had one during foundation training and no 2 during core medical training- both v difficult to return to with the long hours and nights. Now v early days expecting no 3, as a registrar, not going to be much easier!

tobysmum77 · 28/12/2014 20:53

If you are telling the truth then you have a virus you aren't pregnant. I dont buy this condoms are crap stuff. Or you didnt use one once or twice now that's different.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/12/2014 20:54

How about "goodness! What a personal question; why on Earth would you ask that?"?

RedFacedReindeer · 28/12/2014 20:57

Tobysmum nope we have always used one. But I'm sure it must be possible for one to split, or leak a tiny bit, unnoticeably? Or am I being silly...?

OP posts:
MrsCaptainReynolds · 28/12/2014 20:59

Good luck. FWIW I waited till I was a consultant to have mine i.e. about 10 years post graduation, and so so wish I'd done it all younger. You'll be able to train flexibly, get better choices on rotations to accomodate child care issues. It'll take determination but it'll all be fine.

Essexgirlupnorth · 28/12/2014 21:17

When I went for my 6 week check my GP told me condoms weren't reliable.

It isn't anyone else's business if baby was planned or not. No one every asked us but after it took 16 months to conceive our first doubt an accident is likely.

TattyDevine · 28/12/2014 21:19

Just go with it, and update us!!! And update us with what people say so we can be outraged on your behalf! Grin

Whereisegg · 28/12/2014 21:22
Grin
IBrokeTheInternetB4itWasCool · 28/12/2014 21:30

Tobysmum has clearly already been through medical school. You didn't know they could diagnose pregnancy over the internet now, did you OP? It's probably on next year's syllabus. Oh well, you saved a tenner on a test - thank you dr Tobysmum. ^sarcasm.

Good luck OP.

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