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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell SIL that I am exchanging her gift, and why?

95 replies

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 13:12

SIL bought be a set of pjs for Christmas. They are huge. She said "I always buy my pjs a size up so they are comfy so Ive done the same for you". They are a size 18, and I am a 12.

I will exchange them (though they are christmas themed so they may not have any left in my size in that pattern - will swap for a different set if needs be), but do I tell her? And do I tell her why?

She probably wont see me in pjs so I dont have to tell her, but fgs I seriously do not look like a size 16. And if I dont mention the size, what if she then continues to buy extra large pjs? The bottoms fell down as soon as I let go of them!

OP posts:
Custardo · 27/12/2014 13:14

If she's generally a bitch then tell her

acsec · 27/12/2014 13:17

A friend of mine did this and when I went to exchange them they wouldn't let me as they were old stock. Just exchange them and say they were too big and you changed them for a pair that were the right size if she asks. Otherwise don't bother telling her.

Original poster
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 13:17

I wouldn't label her as A Bitch, but she is quite "snippy" and judgemental. The sort who, in a family disagreement, would say "I suppose I am just a much more accepting person than you are", which is rich, as she doesn't accept that others may hold a different opinion. I should add, these are disagreements between her and other members of her family. She and I have never had words.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 27/12/2014 13:18

You can exchange them without making a public announcement!

Aridane · 27/12/2014 13:19

in my local Tesco, Size 12 pyjamas come as 12 - 14. So next size up would be 16 - 18. So sort of get where your SIL is coming from.

Just change the pyjamas - wouldn't bother letting SIL know unless she asks

Marmiteandjamislush · 27/12/2014 13:19

YABU to tell her I think but NU to exchange them. If they are folded up in a bow type thing, she may not have realized what size she was grabbing, remember, before Christmas shopping can be stressful. Another thing is, some people like 'bigger pjs', I know I do. There is such a thing as too big though. My dearly departed gran once bought me size 36 pjs. I have never ever been bigger than an 18 and have an ED, she was pretty gaga though at that point.

Original poster
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 13:20

Aero I wasnt planning on throwing a hoopla Grin

More just a quick text "Hey SIL, hope you dont mind but Ive swapped the pjs as they were just too big. None left in the Rudolph pattern so Ive got some blue ones, hope DS is feeling better, see you all in the New Year" sort of thing.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 27/12/2014 13:20

Not sure why you'd feel the need to tell her. There's nothing truly awful about being a size 16-18 that you have to make sure everyone knows you couldn't possibly be that size! Just exchange them for the size you need and don't say anything.

Fanfeckintastic · 27/12/2014 13:21

I bought SIL pyjamas and would find it really weird if she felt the need to tell me, they're only pyjamas. It's only a little token gift, I would feel the same way if she passed them on to someone else etc.

DaisyFlowerChain · 27/12/2014 13:22

Why would you tell her? It's not unusual to buy pjs bigger so there's more room to move at night. Just swap them.

Original poster
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 13:22

Ok, consensus is to exchange and keep quiet which I will.

OP posts:
Sternin · 27/12/2014 13:23

I'd say something. It's not like you're exchanging them because you don't like them, it's purely a size thing. If I were ever to give clothes as a gift, I'd always keep the receipt and wouldn't be offended if people needed to change them.

If you're worried she may be embarrassed for thinking you're a larger size than you are, you could just say they came up very big or something, rather than focusing on the actual size.

Bogeyface · 27/12/2014 13:23

What size is your SIL?

I suspect that this is nothing to do with wanting her to know that you are exchanging them and everything to do with wanting her to know you are a size 12.......

GlitzAndGigglesx · 27/12/2014 13:26

I would've just said at the time that they're too big and I'll be swapping them. It's not like you're saying they're disgusting and you'll never set foot in them

Original poster
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 13:27

As far as I know she is the same size as me. She doesnt look any bigger than a twelve.

I dont necessarily want to say "I am X size", its just a bit Hmm when someone buys you something three sizes bigger than what you actually are

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/12/2014 13:28

I think the text sounds fine really from a practical point of view.

She may be thinking of buying you clothes for your Birthday or again next Christmas so it would be helpful to know what size you are.

I'm shit at guessing sizes so I would be grateful if it were me.

Birdsgottafly · 27/12/2014 13:29

My adult DDs are sizes 6-12, I frequently have to exchange their PJ's, from Primark to Lipsy.

It isn't always easy to judge the sizing.

It won't matter if you tell her, even between styles, the sizes vary. I noticed that in Asda this year.

glorious · 27/12/2014 13:34

One of my most memorable presents was a size 18 red silk shirt from an elderly relative. I was a teenager and a size 6. No idea how she thought that would fit! I didn't say anything, just gave it away. I can see why you'd find it less than pleasant but I don't think anything would be gained by making a point of it.

Bakeoffcakes · 27/12/2014 13:35

Could they have been on the wrongly labelled?

I once bought myself a pair of pjs, which had a size sticker on them saying an 8-10. When I got them home they were huge, and the inside label said 16-18.

Nervo · 27/12/2014 13:35

My mil used to always buy me clothes in a size 14. I had to tell her that I was a 10. Turns out that because I'm tall she thought I'd need a bigger size. She is about 6 inches smaller than me and a 10 so I can see her logic.

I did find it insulting until I knew that though.

aldinator · 27/12/2014 13:45

It's a bit weird that she actually said she'd bought them in a bigger size, though. Gives the whole affair rather passive-agressive undertones.

Original poster
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 13:46

Thats how I took it Aldinator

Also, the size is on a big sticker on the hanger and on the price ticket.

OP posts:
Jewels234 · 27/12/2014 14:31

And you're sure you're a 12? I only say that because I was convinced I was a 12, when in reality I was a 16. It was the kick I needed when I realized to make me lose the weight.

pommedeterre · 27/12/2014 14:37

I am an 8-10. Mil always buys me size 12. I think Its because She is a 12 and would hate to think of me as slimmer than her (I'm not sure I am she's quite a bit taller).
I think clothes for other adults is a mine field and think those that attempt it unless absolutely certain are a bit silly!

comeagainforbigfudge · 27/12/2014 14:39

Did she give you the gift receipt? I got given clothes for Xmas and had receipts tucked in them "just incase" they got the wrong size.

Already had to exchange one item. (Thankfully they had it in next size up as it's the most incredibly cosy dressing gown I've ever seen/had)

Haven't told the person who gave me it as she would expect me just to change it if wrong size. Hence giving the receipt to me.