to tell you how utterly weird and rubbish my Christmas is so far...

[shovetheholly]

I haven't been well lately, got out of hospital last week. Still bleeding and in a bit of pain from an operation, and having to wear big old maternity pads.

In spite of this, PIL have been piling on the pressure about us visiting them this year. They live hundreds of miles away and it's a long journey in the car. They have been asking all the time when we will arrive to stay for a few days. We have found this quite stressful as the illness makes it hard to plan. I assumed that they simply weren't aware how hard the journey would be for me. I can't stand for very long or walk far, and even though you'd think a car journey is just sitting down, going over potholes or round corners hurts.

DH was very keen to get her as he believes PIL and especially MIL are having a tough time, due to a bereavement in January. I felt under pressure and probably shouldn't have said yes to the journey (my bad). However we decided to give it a go. Took over five hours and I was in agony by the end. I had to be helped out of the car and into the house.

When we arrived, MIL presented me with an early 'present' - a mattress protector for someone who is incontinent to stop me 'ruining' her old mattress! (I am not incontinent!! I am bleeding a bit but it is under control). I can't sleep because every time I turn on the bed it sounds like a giant plastic thunderstorm. Also an old T-shirt of hers, about 10 years old and five sizes too big to lounge around the house in (I have PJs of my own).

Today, the whole family have gone out leaving me in the house by myself. They are having pizza and beer in a fancy restaurant. There is no food for me here, just a couple of stale rolls that I bought at a service station yesterday. It is also freezing as they have turned the heating off as it's just me here. I am actually in bed to keep warm.

A friend of mine rang me and I burst into tears on her because I feel so lonely and unable to cope. I have been trying to read but because I feel so ill, I can't really follow the book and it is just making me feel more hopeless.

Tomorrow will probably be much the same - me, by myself in the house while everyone else goes to the pub in the morning and then for a walk.

I know I need to buck my ideas up - I am not a child, and Christmas is just another day. I just feel a bit teary and rubbish.

If getting home is too difficult today, I'd consider a taxi to the closest decent hotel where you can stay in bed, cosy and warm while ordering room service at your leisure. Your DH and PILs are behaving extremely thoughtlessly.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

I'm laid up with flu, so DH has made 3 course christmas dinner with all the trimmings from scratch completely on his own, whilst still popping into the lounge to check I'm ok and if I need anything ... Show your DH this comment, that's what a proper man does.

I feel so upset for you. I assume you haven't gone ballistic with your husband because you don't feel well enough.

I don't know how the family can treat you like this.

I cant believe they have left you again. even after you told your dh how you felt and showed him this thread.

if any of them cared, they would have visited you instead or left you in peace after you came out of hospital. dh should never have dragged you 5 hours away to DILs when you were in agony. and they should not have left you on your own.

they are all disgusting. all they care about are their own selfish needs

dump them all

I'm sorry, but i honestly think you need to consider leaving your dh over this.

Nobody who loved you, respected you, or had an ounce of empathy would treat you this way.

"Was under a lot of pressure from DH to give PIL the Christmas they wanted and being a people-pleaser."

Nothing to do with you being a people pleaser at all.

Your husband is an ignorant twat & should have said to his parents "of course we can't come to you shove only got out of hospital LAST WEEK"

how/why did they go out without you?

that's bad enough.

but to have no food in because they don/t need anything

How soon can you get away & then make plans to get away from your husband??

OP you sound very similar to me when I had surgery to correct a prolapse last year. If it was anything similar you are an absolute saint for making that sort of journey a week afterwards and your dh should frankly be worshiping the ground you walk on for doing it. I had to be given morphine to make the 30 min journey home from hospital and wasn't out of bed for well over a week. The thought of the journey home must be terrifying. Can you get a flight home instead? I'm sure it will be expensive but I think given the shocking treatment from your 'd' h if it is feasible, you need to insist.

I can not believe that your husband is leaving you alone. I can imagine you both getting to his parents' and realising that in hindsight it had been a bad idea but surely you'd try to make the best of it? He could stay with you, keep you comfortable, fed and watered and every time you sleep pop downstairs to spend time with the others.

How can he explain his behaviour??

Please tell me you are going home Boxing Day?

Have you got any food?! You should be having nice food if you're recovering from surgery! Hope you can go home soon.

shove theholly's husband YOU ARE AN APPALLING EXCUSE FOR A HUSBAND.

WHERE IS YOUR COMPASSION???

Seriously, in what world is this ok?
I hope you are never ill and in need of tlc and have someone treat you like this let alone at Christmas. Was your trip to the pub really worth it?

I know where I'd shove the holly.

shove do you have travel insurance that covers you for the whole year? If so I'd consider seeing if you can get patient transport or flown home. Would be less painful. I'd also be considering calling a dr to get more pain relief.

What a bunch of utter fucking cunts, including your "D"H.

You poor thing, honestly, I can't believe anyone could be so fucking thoughtless and careless of you and your feelings, let alone in your condition.

I wouldn't be making any effort with any of them for some considerable time, and the holly would be going up your H's arse for his completely shitty behaviour

They are absolutely awful, I keep coming back to the thread hoping it gets better but it just gets worse! Is just leave and not tell them where I've gone!

I would go ape shit at your dh, what an absolute cunt to leave you like this. As are his parents, no food, no heating. I would tell him now that you will not be returning to his bloody parents until you are ready and that could well be never.

If I were your friend I would have driven over and bought you home to pamper you, what a bunch of fucks

OP, I had a similar situation a few years ago when my DH had to have minor abdominal surgery very close to Christmas, although it was 'minor' it was still a very painful procedure and would take a couple of weeks to recover from. We told my family that we would not be 'doing' Christmas as normal at their house and as a result most of the family blanked us and ignored our DCs regarding Christmas presents.

We are no longer on speaking terms (not just because of this) but it just goes to prove that some people really don't truly care, because if they did they would understand the situation we were in and shown some empathy.

Your 'D'H and inlaws are disgraceful and I would not treat an injured animal the way they have treated you.

Holly's h, if you are reading this, what the hell were you thinking? Are you really that stupid or uncaring?

You really need to make it up to her in a seriously big way, starting now. Unless you want to be living with mummy and daddy permanently.

That is awful. Just awful. I also think you have grounds to leave your H.

shovethe I hope you have had a better day xx I am so sorry that you have had to go through this.

Please let us know you are ok?

Thank you so, so much everyone.

I can honestly say that all of you guys have got me through Christmas. One angel even got in touch and offered to come over if I lived close to her. I am blown away by the kindness.

They came back from the pub fairly early because it's not open for that long on Christmas day. Christmas proceeded in a way that I can only describe as continuing what has gone before. There are 6 of us and there was only enough dinner for about 4, so it's a good job I wasn't hungry! MIL has bought me a present, which was thoughtful of her, but has opened it and helped herself to one sixth of the contents!!!

FORTUNATELY I got given the gift of alcohol by BIL and have proceeded to crack open a bottle of gin, which has made things remarkably more bearable (for now) :) It all seems a bit funny in my codeine-and-alcohol-ridden state. I expect it will seem anything but tomorrow morning.

I take on board everything that has been said. Obviously DH and I need to have a very long good talk about this. But I know right now I am incapable of holding a rational thought for longer than 30 seconds or so. I WILL deal with it once I am ready to cope emotionally, but right now I would probably scream a lot and then cry, which would achieve nothing.

I am going to get myself home as soon as I can make the journey, and then I will take it from there. The main thing is I think I learnt something from this, however hard it's been.

Thank you all SO SO much.

Put the heating on. There must be an on switch somewhere or a separate heater. Get friend to come round with lemsip - contains a painkiller that is quick working and covers most bases. Sleep. Eat what you can find. Toast and marmalade - anything. They must have stuff.

Just reread where you are on the thread. I think you should immediately think short term. What do you need to recover? When that is sorted deal with the bigger issues. They might not all be irreconcilable.

Op, you don't even sound to me as if you should be left alone in case of an emergency anyway. If you feel any worse at all just ring an ambulance. Don't leave it til you can't or call your dh to come back. He can't be relied on.

I wouldn't be rushing back there either. Can you lie in the back seat on the way home? That might be easier. Lay on a duvet for cushioning.

Did your dh tell you he planned to go to the pub all the time? Because it's not difficult to realise you wouldn't be up for that. They are all immensely selfish people. im not sure having it out with your dh is worth it. He clearly thinks he hasn't done anything wrong by letting you down twice. So far.

I can't believe your dh left you again, alone on xmas day! Even after you showed him what normal people think about him doing that on xmas eve. I wouldn't even do that to someone I didn't like, let alone twice in 2 days to someone I'm supposed to love! Either he really doesn't like or care about you at all, or he is just a complete shit bag - or both. Glad you have had alcohol and presents though - saving grace of the day! I hope your next man is a massive upgrade (you'd probably have to look quite hard to find someone else that bad tbh)!

It was really really awful and incredibly selfish of your DH and his parents to dessert you on Christmas day when you're not well. I would really think about whether you want to continue to have anything to do with them in the future. Are they all heavy drinkers by any chance?

holly, I wish you a full recovery so that you have the strength to tackle your appalling excuse for a husband.

To insist you travel long distance to his PIL to give them the Christmas they want while ignoring your needs is awful. To then go out and leave you cold and alone is the act of a person with no compassion. To bugger off yo the pub again on Christmas Day is beyond comprehension.

Your husband is a piece of shit. And an ignorant piece of shit. There is no excuse, far less a reason for his behaviour. At the very time he should be supporting you, he is abandoning you. Repeatedly.

I hope you can get home safely, start to heal and ditch thus pathetic creature.

Take care of yourself. Try to ride out the time until you can leave and concentrate on getting your strength back.

If ever there was a thread that deserved the phrase LTB this it it.

Unbelievable behaviour from DH and in laws. Christmas or not I would not dream of pressurising someone to come 5 hours in the car, and then go out! This beggars belief. OP, I'm glad you're feeling okish. Please don't ever go back to these rude people- and as for your DH, well, who knows what he's like normally, but this behaviour seems uNFEASIBLY WEAK at the very least. Please OP stop pleasing and start demanding- as soon as you're feeling strong enough.