to tell you how utterly weird and rubbish my Christmas is so far...

[shovetheholly]

I haven't been well lately, got out of hospital last week. Still bleeding and in a bit of pain from an operation, and having to wear big old maternity pads.

In spite of this, PIL have been piling on the pressure about us visiting them this year. They live hundreds of miles away and it's a long journey in the car. They have been asking all the time when we will arrive to stay for a few days. We have found this quite stressful as the illness makes it hard to plan. I assumed that they simply weren't aware how hard the journey would be for me. I can't stand for very long or walk far, and even though you'd think a car journey is just sitting down, going over potholes or round corners hurts.

DH was very keen to get her as he believes PIL and especially MIL are having a tough time, due to a bereavement in January. I felt under pressure and probably shouldn't have said yes to the journey (my bad). However we decided to give it a go. Took over five hours and I was in agony by the end. I had to be helped out of the car and into the house.

When we arrived, MIL presented me with an early 'present' - a mattress protector for someone who is incontinent to stop me 'ruining' her old mattress! (I am not incontinent!! I am bleeding a bit but it is under control). I can't sleep because every time I turn on the bed it sounds like a giant plastic thunderstorm. Also an old T-shirt of hers, about 10 years old and five sizes too big to lounge around the house in (I have PJs of my own).

Today, the whole family have gone out leaving me in the house by myself. They are having pizza and beer in a fancy restaurant. There is no food for me here, just a couple of stale rolls that I bought at a service station yesterday. It is also freezing as they have turned the heating off as it's just me here. I am actually in bed to keep warm.

A friend of mine rang me and I burst into tears on her because I feel so lonely and unable to cope. I have been trying to read but because I feel so ill, I can't really follow the book and it is just making me feel more hopeless.

Tomorrow will probably be much the same - me, by myself in the house while everyone else goes to the pub in the morning and then for a walk.

I know I need to buck my ideas up - I am not a child, and Christmas is just another day. I just feel a bit teary and rubbish.

I'm so sorry you had such a miserable day. They were all so thoughtless and selfish. I hope today is better - put your foot down!

Despite my talking to DH last night, he and his family have gone out again to the pub, leaving me here. I thought I was pretty clear about the matter, but obviously not. I just feel like crying. I know he will be very apologetic afterwards and try to make it up to me, but I just feel like I always come after the needs of his family.

I know it is very unfestive of me, but I am thinking this is the last Christmas I ever want to spend here.

In answer to the question about travelling: I did overestimate what I could do and in hindsight I should have said no and stayed at home. Was under a lot of pressure from DH to give PIL the Christmas they wanted and being a people-pleaser I felt a sense of obligation to try. MIL lost her father earlier in the year so DH wanted to be here at what otherwise might have been a difficult time of year. I also made a mistake - I thought that sitting in a car would be much like sitting still. However, I was wrong. It is surprising the forces that go through your body in a car, even going fairly smoothly on decent roads. By about two and a half hours into the trip I was in some discomfort, and by the time I arrived I was exhausted and feeling sick with pain. I am not looking forward to the journey back.

I am struggling to stand for more than a few minutes at a time or to walk, and I'm very nervous about anyone banging into me. This is probably TMI, and apologies, but I also need the loo really suddenly with the bleeding and any queue would be a problem. I am on a prescription dose of cocodamol, and the high dose of codeine makes me feel quite dizzy and out of it - so I wouldn't cope with being in a noisy pub very well. It's just too much for me at the moment.

Oh sweetie. Can I be presumptuous and give you the gift of 'not being a people pleaser' for once?

You can't even go home now as you are in too much pain.

Can you just sleep sleep and sleep some more and just watch the shite TV for the day? Are you getting any food at all? Have they left the heating on for you?

Did you actually say you didn't want your DH to go?

I showed him this thread!! And I said it is not nice to be alone at Christmas when you feel ill.

He turned the heating on before he went out this time though :(

I'm sorry but no amount of being apologetic after the fact makes up for this.

You have spoken to him about how you felt yesterday and his solution was to put the heating on and then bugger off out again today.

Ill/well or otherwise - don't go next year. Your dh and all of his family appear to be utterly selfish twats.

Bunch of thundercunts.

That would seriously be a deal breaker for me, I would divorce him.

Xx

To be honest I don't think he can make it up to you. You wouldn't treat a dog like this let alone someone you love. It would really make me rethink the whole relationship.
Sorry if that's too harsh for Christmas but you really need to think about putting yourself first because no one else is. I would be so ashamed of my family if they behaved like this and he's just going along with it

The sheet and t-shirt were probably just misjudged acts of kindness but going out and leaving you alone with no food or heating is fucking awful.

I would have called a pizza yesterday and emailed a divorce lawyer today. I just cannot imagine my dh behaving like this at all. Sorry yours is a selfish shit.

shocking behaviour. i think if your pil are that desperate to have you they should make an effort to make you feel welcome. going out all day with their ds is really a bit shit.

and it's up to your dh to point this out to them.

why haven't they got food in? this whole thing has been very badly managed, and not by you. you're vulnerable and you need looking after. your dh should have your back.

as the saying goes 'it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.' and boy does your dh feel that.

OP, I am so sorry for you. I think that once you feel better you need to re-evaluate things. What would you have done if it was your husband that was ill? I bet you would have done everything you could to keep him happy and comfortable. I'm sorry but he sounds like a selfish git and you deserve better. New Years Resolution: put yourself first for a change as it would seem that no other bugger will. Sending unmumsnetty hugs and hoping for a fast recovery so you can get the hell out of there never to return.

OP I am bey0nd sorry, beyond horrified. Home tomorrow and if you stick with DH never do this again.

What a bunch of fuckers! I would start planning Christmas 2015 next week and it would not involve any of them - bastards!

Not unfestive at all given circumstances. I hope mil got the Christmas she wanted as you have no obligation to ever, ever go there again. Ever!!
I hope you can get some rest and recover for your journey home - trouble with travelling when unwell is you are constantly 'bracing' yourself against any potential jolts so will be exhausted.
I hope you get through the rest of your time there & wish you a speedy recovery. Next year when your 'h' starts suggesting a visit for Christmas, how much your pil want/need it, will be on their own etc, please remember this & tell him to feck off to the far side of beyond & shove that idea somewhere warm n dark. If he persists, there are a few MNers willing to have a word & give you more of a Christmas than he did this year. Bunch of utter selfish twunts.

Miserable bunch of bastards. He has a responsibility to you as well as his mum. Why the heck didn't they all stay in and cook you nice food and look after you. Especially as you as really put yourself out to get there. I'm sorry that your inlaws and dh are such selfish twats

You showed him this thread and he went out today as well???? Words fail me. What a fucking self centered arse. What an utter cunt. And all the rest of them as well. Oh OP, you poor poor love. Can you call your friend again or your own family for some RL chat and/or practical help?

Would you be better off getting the train home instead of car? Just a thought?

I'm so sorry op.

I couldn't stay with someone who treated me like your dh has treated you. Utterly disgusting. Him and his family should be ashamed of themselves.

This is awful. The whole family really has behavioural problems, don't they? Your DH has obviously been brought up with no manners.

I would leave. This is very clear grounds for divorce.

Sorry to hear this OP, I think your DH and PIL have acted appallingly. Hugs and for you. Wishing you a speedy recovery from your operation. X

Oh poor you. I hope you manage to have a nice day despite everything. I would personally be rethinking my relationship tho after this. And stop the people pleasing, you're worth more than this! and to you. Xxxx

I would finds permitting when I felt up to it be getting a taxi home - yes all the way and then emailing a divorce lawyer.

What an arsehole.

I have read the whole thread and am beyond astonished that a 'family' could leave you alone on Christmas Day, after you travelled for five hours to be there.
Have you had any food? What planet is your husband on? Will he agree to go home tomorrow?
I would be close to killing him, divorce is the very least I would consider.

I do hope the rest of your recovery goes well.