to tell you how utterly weird and rubbish my Christmas is so far...

[shovetheholly]

I haven't been well lately, got out of hospital last week. Still bleeding and in a bit of pain from an operation, and having to wear big old maternity pads.

In spite of this, PIL have been piling on the pressure about us visiting them this year. They live hundreds of miles away and it's a long journey in the car. They have been asking all the time when we will arrive to stay for a few days. We have found this quite stressful as the illness makes it hard to plan. I assumed that they simply weren't aware how hard the journey would be for me. I can't stand for very long or walk far, and even though you'd think a car journey is just sitting down, going over potholes or round corners hurts.

DH was very keen to get her as he believes PIL and especially MIL are having a tough time, due to a bereavement in January. I felt under pressure and probably shouldn't have said yes to the journey (my bad). However we decided to give it a go. Took over five hours and I was in agony by the end. I had to be helped out of the car and into the house.

When we arrived, MIL presented me with an early 'present' - a mattress protector for someone who is incontinent to stop me 'ruining' her old mattress! (I am not incontinent!! I am bleeding a bit but it is under control). I can't sleep because every time I turn on the bed it sounds like a giant plastic thunderstorm. Also an old T-shirt of hers, about 10 years old and five sizes too big to lounge around the house in (I have PJs of my own).

Today, the whole family have gone out leaving me in the house by myself. They are having pizza and beer in a fancy restaurant. There is no food for me here, just a couple of stale rolls that I bought at a service station yesterday. It is also freezing as they have turned the heating off as it's just me here. I am actually in bed to keep warm.

A friend of mine rang me and I burst into tears on her because I feel so lonely and unable to cope. I have been trying to read but because I feel so ill, I can't really follow the book and it is just making me feel more hopeless.

Tomorrow will probably be much the same - me, by myself in the house while everyone else goes to the pub in the morning and then for a walk.

I know I need to buck my ideas up - I am not a child, and Christmas is just another day. I just feel a bit teary and rubbish.

You shouldn't have got in the car to start with. Stop being nice, they are fucking you over. Your dh was quite cruel to carry on driving when you were in pain. He should have headed for home when you clearly couldnt manage the car journey. Seems at any cost they meant more to him than you, sadly.

Go home as soon as you can. And I do think it's quite clear your dh puts his pil first, at whatever the cost to his marriage. You need to have a massive think about this and what your future holds for you.

Their treatment of you is both selfish and neglectful. It can be hard to believe what insensitive arseholes some people can be.

I don't think much of their "hospitality", leaving you without heating and food when you have just recently had major surgery.

You had to be helped in from the car after the journey. It should have been blatantly obvious that you were in no state for this visit really, and certainly should not have been left alone. Your hosts obviously only have concerns about themselves and care only that their usual traditions and routines are upheld. Very selfish of them, and your husband hasn't come out smelling of roses either. He should be looking after you. I hope he feels very guilty and ashamed.

Honestly, these people need a major kick up their proverbial arses when you are feeling more able.

I'm glad you're warmer now
because the selfish bastards have put the heating on for themselves

Take that horrible protector off. You need your sleep even more whilst your body recovers and heals. Ask for a hot water bottle. The heat can really help with gynae pain. (Assuming that's the area your OP was.) I say 'ask' but really just demand.

I really do hope tomorrow goes ok. Make sure you hog the biscuits and have extra potatoes.

And yy, you can't brush this under the carpet. Disgusting behaviour by all of them.

I would check into the nicest most expensive hotel and order loads of room service!

Screw them!

My heart goes out to you, Holly.
I hope that now you are tucked up in bed and fast asleep. And that tomorrow you are feeling better and can see what a total bunch of wankers your "D"H and his rotten family are.

You are recovering from surgery and are ill. How dare he blackmail you and force you to endure hours in a car, and then to go out and leave you all alone. As for your MIL, she sounds like an evil witch, both for insisting you come all that way when you are ill, her crappy plastic sheet and her vile old t-shirt. The cold house is the last straw. Nobody with an ounce of compassion in their body treats another person like this, far less a member of their family.

If you were anywhere near me I would come and pick you up, take you home with me to a warm bed and look after you properly.

I hope you can get home soon. Come here if you need to chat. You are NOT unreasonable but you are being treated abyssmally.

what a rotten lot.

how anyone can go off and enjoy themselves when you are unwell is beyond all of us.

Good advice on here. Just wanted to say I hope you feel better really soon and take care of yourself. X

I have just seen this thread. I think they are appalling. Had you been in my family, I would have made you the centre of attention, and cosseted you to the point where you would probably have had to start a thread complaining of being force fed chicken soup and mince pies and your bedroom being 30 degrees.

You poor thing. You really needed your "d" to be fighting your corner not making things worse.
Get better soon.

Is this for real? It's beyond belief!

well hope all the mumsnet messages of support are making you feel a bit better

I'm shocked they had no food in the house on xmas eve? What on earth is the plan for xmas day?

Also, it's hard to imagine the senerio where everyone suggests going out but you are too sick Togo but they go anyway. Didn't you say anything? Didn't your DH ask you if it was alright?....or did he just tell you they were leaving.

You can't really blame anyone for making the journey though. Unless your DH is a real bully then I presume it was your choice . It sounded horrendous.

I hope it's a better day tomorrow.

Call a cab, and get taken to the nearest good hotel. Take DHs credit card. Wait and see how long it takes for him to 1) notice that you have gone, and 2) come after you on his knees begging for forgiveness.

Take the shit bastard sheet off the bed, go downstairs and turn the heating on. When your DH returns threaten to fucking nail his balls to the nearest tree unless he makes Christmas nice for you. On your last morning piss on the mattress and carefully put the special sheet on bed over it.

Sorry for swearing but have pmt and your story brought ou the Ramsey in me

Is the way he's treating you just now symptomatic of how things generally are between you? It's bad, really bad. And I'm another one who doesn't feel booking yourself a spa will help either!

I hope you have a better day tomorrow OP xxx

If OP could sit in the car for hours why can't she go sit in the restaurant or the pub?

Merry Christmas op. Be brazen today say I hope you don't all plan on a abandoning me again without heat or food

Hope your in less pain today OP and your husband has grown a conscience.

IIjkk are you made of stone or what?? The poor woman is ill and has already suffered a long journey, is in pain and bleeding. The very last thing she needed was to 'go sit in the pub'. She should never have been bullied into going at all, and given her treatment once there, imo the sooner she gets out of it and back home the better.

Hope YOU are having a nice Christmas.

Book a taxi and a hotel.

Screw them!

Let your 'd'h know where he can find you to bring you home, and then get counselling.

I read lljkk's post as wondering why she had been left alone and why they couldn't have supported her to be comfortable out in company.

Is sitting in the pub exhausting? I must go to the wrong pubs. Actually I've never been out for Christmas eve/day lunch; maybe this is another one of those cultural revelations what it's really like. Do you have to dress up to the nines, interact intelligently get blotto'd & dance about? Honestly I wouldn't know.

Not as bad as hitting pot-holes, no? Yes they could have supported her to join in. Maybe OP became more ill after arrival? I just didn't understand how the situation has happened that OP is staying but then gets totally left out.

I suppose hindsight is perfect. If this happens again, send your DH along without you. I hope OP is resting well since she's that ill she can't even go flop in a pub.

The op needed to lie down. She could hardly get out of the car. Sitting in a noisy pub would be extremely tiring if one is in pain/ill/bleeding etc. and try to look interested in front of all the other pub customers. I would imagine it would be hard to even find a seat at this time of year.
She really should have put her foot down and refused to go anywhere, never mind what the pil's/dh wanted. It seems she's the very last to be considered.

OP didn't say she couldn't sit and didn't say that she has to stay lying down. I didn't know the restaurant and pub would both be standing room only. I accept that all of that was obvious to everyone else.