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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas party storm out

181 replies

weelittlething · 23/12/2014 07:35

We were having a Christmas party at ours for a group of close friends who we've known for ages. They were all staying over. Towards the end of the night some of us got in our PJs and we were chatting over a nightcap. We started poking fun at one of our best friends (this isn't unusual for said friend) and everyone was laughing and joking. All of a sudden friend stands up, really angry, and says "I'm going for a walk." We apologise for any offence but friend doesn't listen. Friend then stomps upstairs (very noisily), nearly waking up our sleeping baby on the way, grabs coat and walks out of the house.

This is past midnight in a dodgy area. DH runs after friend but friend is already out of sight.

So we sit around for an hour wondering what set friend off. We call friend's phone but it's turned off. It's late and we need to go to bed as baby is an early riser but we can't till friend gets back. Friend finally returns when DH goes out in PJs for second time, storms upstairs and doesn't want to speak about it to anyone.

Is it just me who would get really pissed off at this? I just thought it was, at best, immature (though I guess poking fun at a mate isn't particularly grown up) and overdramatic, and at best rude and inconsiderate towards one's hosts.

It's a bloody joke, for god's sake!

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 09:15

So we kept asking him about different scenarios and I suppose he got upset that we were only asking him and not anyone else. so you were badgering him too, do you even realise how you're portraying yourself and your friends?

Idontseeanysontarans · 23/12/2014 09:15

Just accept that you pushed him too far this time. It's easy to say that you would have accepted an apology but if this 'joke' was business as usual for your group then it's obvious that he's had enough isn't it?
Nobody likes to be the whipping boy all the time, it's not 'fun', it's not a 'joke' and it's not 'banter' FFS. It's bullying pure and simple.

hiccupgirl · 23/12/2014 09:15

It makes no difference it the other person was male or female and yes, it does sound like he'd had enough of always being the one who you all have a go at.

I hope he decides to find some people who actually appreciate him rather than see him as someone they can poke fun at and wind up.

Original poster

weelittlething · 23/12/2014 09:16

Well clearly I'm a horrible bitch but I would assume that you would say "could you please stop" before I went mental. We all rib at each other it's not only him that gets poked fun at - it was just the particular conversation that we were having. He was laughing along and then suddenly snapped.

OP posts:

Idontseeanysontarans · 23/12/2014 09:18

Maybe he's just fed up of the lot of you? How long has he been the butt of your jokes? Years?
Do you really not realise how soul destroying it is to be constantly got at?
This is awful, you really don't get that you all upset a friend do you?

Clarabumps · 23/12/2014 09:18

you've said that you would never have stormed out in that situation.

Now i'm going to reverse it to you and ask "what? really? even if your pals were being complete arseholes?"
"Even if you really were fed up and didn't want to be there?"
"Even if you felt you were being singled out as the only one being asked loads of questions repeatedly?"
Would you still never storm out?
See how annoying it is. Someone asking a 'joke' that you don't find funny and won't stop doing it despite how annoying it is.

If you value your friendship I'd apologise and try and see his point of view no matter what you would do in that situation.

VitalStollenFix · 23/12/2014 09:18

then perhaps you went too far.

I realise you don't want to think about fault on your part, but perhaps you ought to at least consider it.

Sometimes it is just too much and it isn't funny. Perhaps he'd had enough of laughing along and pretending it was ok.

There are generally clues that someone isn't happy. It's in their body language, their eyes, the way the laughter sounds. It's important to pick those up. Otherwise you risk hurting someone.

CeCeLaine · 23/12/2014 09:19

So because he didn't respond with an answer that you found acceptable you bombarded him with a shitload more questions about different situations, but only him??

Do you know how intimidating that can be? You pushed and pushed for answers he wasn't happy to give. Its no wonder he wouldn't accept your apology.

ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose · 23/12/2014 09:19

Op: AIBU?

Everyone: yes!

Op: no I'm not!

yawn

I'm guessing you were expecting everyone to console you on what an unreasonable friend you have. Perhaps it's time to reflect that, on what you posted here, no one sees it that way at all.

KatieKaye · 23/12/2014 09:19

You've got it. You were horrible.

No excuses. Just accept it and try to work out how you can properly and sincerely apologise to your friend and how you can go about developing some maturity, consideration and empathy.

WeirdCatLady · 23/12/2014 09:20

"FWIW we did apologise, but he refused to listen to it and stormed out. I personally would never do that but I suppose it's just me."

Yes, of course you would never do that, because you are the one doing the bullying not the person receiving all the shit you want to dish out.

You are so far up yourself you fail to grasp the fact that YOU were horrible, YOU made your 'friend' feel so upset that they had to walk out. No doubt you have continued to bombard them with 'It was just a joke, Jeez, where's your sense of humour' this morning.

I sincerely hope your poor friend never speaks to any of you ever again. You sound like a bunch of witches cackling.

Nasty.

Original poster

weelittlething · 23/12/2014 09:20

Clearly I'm being unreasonable. That's fine. This is why I come here to get a sounding board - I didn't want to upset him further by having a discussion with him about it. I do have a bit of a short temper and he does have a reputation for being dramatic, but I clearly completely misread the situation. I just thought it was unfair that everyone gets made fun of in the group and one of us just suddenly gets upset without any warning. My mistake. Thank you for your input.

OP posts:

SmellyFartado · 23/12/2014 09:20

Even now from your latest post, you can't own it. 'I personally would never do that (storm out)'. Consider that you are never the butt of the pack's jokes. What if you were, not so funny then is it?

You sound like a dreadful and mean group of friends to be constantly singling this person out.

LosBreakingBad · 23/12/2014 09:21

It doesn't really matter that you thought your behaviour was ok. Your friend, that you invited to your house, was upset by your behaviour. You have to apologise. It's as simple as that.

Idontseeanysontarans · 23/12/2014 09:21

But you're still minimising how upset he is - he has form for being over dramatic does he? Maybe if people treated him as an equal and with some respect he would be like that?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 09:21

You've implied that he regularly gets the piss taken out of him.

You're back peddling now.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 09:23

I agree, why do you keep laughing and joking at her expense. I think she had enough, I am not surprised. Can't you gave fun without making fun of somebody. I've been there, it's not very nice, I would storm out, I don't blame her one bit. I probably would have got a taxi home.

Original poster

weelittlething · 23/12/2014 09:23

I will apologise, and I do accept now that our behaviour was unacceptable. We're so close sometimes that it's hard to see where to draw the line. We've known each other for years and are more like siblings than friends, so the teasing is part of that. Again, this is a completely sincere thank you for making me see that.

OP posts:

Clarabumps · 23/12/2014 09:23

You still should apologise. He deserves that. No matter how dramatic he is.

Clarabumps · 23/12/2014 09:23

sorry cross posts.

WeirdCatLady · 23/12/2014 09:23

Cross posted. Glad to see you accept your were horrible (though I don't think you really think that).

As for him "going mental"?!?! WTAF? Quietly going upstairs, getting his coat and walking out to yet away is classed as Going Mental?

Nice. Real nice. (That's sarcasm by the way)

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 09:24

I just thought it was unfair that everyone gets made fun of in the group and one of us just suddenly gets upset without any warning.

Unbelievable! ,

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2014 09:24

Don't make fun of people, you can have a laugh without poking fun.

VitalStollenFix · 23/12/2014 09:24

tbh, there probably was warning. You just didn't recognise it. You should try to work on that so that this sort of thing doesn't happen again. You don't sound as though you wanted to upset him and you sound genuinely baffled and I don't think you come across as malicious in any way, but you really do have to try to better assess mood and feeling and how you are being received. You don't want to hurt or upset people you care about because of taking things too far. You could probably also take an honest look at the group dynamic and see how people are treated and why this person felt the way they did.

KatieKaye · 23/12/2014 09:25

But of course you need to have a discussion with him! How else are you going to apologise and ask him what you can do to curb your cruelty and insensitivity. You need to learn that your actions hurt people and consciously make an effort rather than continually trying to brush it off with excuses that your friend can be a bit dramatic.
It is not at all dramatic not to want to stay ina situation where you are virtually being interrogated and it's astonishing that you are so blinkered you cannot accept this.
Not one person thinks your behaviour was in any way acceptable. You need to own that and take full responsibility for your shortcomings.

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