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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas party storm out

181 replies

weelittlething · 23/12/2014 07:35

We were having a Christmas party at ours for a group of close friends who we've known for ages. They were all staying over. Towards the end of the night some of us got in our PJs and we were chatting over a nightcap. We started poking fun at one of our best friends (this isn't unusual for said friend) and everyone was laughing and joking. All of a sudden friend stands up, really angry, and says "I'm going for a walk." We apologise for any offence but friend doesn't listen. Friend then stomps upstairs (very noisily), nearly waking up our sleeping baby on the way, grabs coat and walks out of the house.

This is past midnight in a dodgy area. DH runs after friend but friend is already out of sight.

So we sit around for an hour wondering what set friend off. We call friend's phone but it's turned off. It's late and we need to go to bed as baby is an early riser but we can't till friend gets back. Friend finally returns when DH goes out in PJs for second time, storms upstairs and doesn't want to speak about it to anyone.

Is it just me who would get really pissed off at this? I just thought it was, at best, immature (though I guess poking fun at a mate isn't particularly grown up) and overdramatic, and at best rude and inconsiderate towards one's hosts.

It's a bloody joke, for god's sake!

OP posts:

IDontDoIroning · 23/12/2014 08:05

A joke us only a joke when EVERYONE finds it funny.
They didn't obviously so it's wasnt a joke it was nasty bullying and it sound like this friend is the usual victim and this time had enough. Good for them.
You and the rest of your group should feel very ashamed. You all sound very toxic - never mind friend who we have just goaded into walking off into the night - what about my baby who didn't actually wake up
Well with "friends" like you who needs enemies ? I hope they come to their senses and dump the toxic lot of you.

NorwaySpruce · 23/12/2014 08:06

This is why reverse threads are so crap.

If it happened as in the OP, yes, it would be a clear cut case of the OP having the emotional IQ of an amoeba.

As it is, if a reverse is announced, people will assume the stormer-outer is a drama queen with no sense of perspective outside of their own humourless head.

So lose-lose, and no one has any idea what really happened.

GrapeWallofChina · 23/12/2014 08:11

Agree probably a reverse and wanting validation of their friends being bitches - but then you have to think was it really as black and white. Was it actually just one comment, did she storm into the baby's room, turn on all the lights to grab her coat and was she actually out for hours sitting on the wall of the local crackhouse, while the DH hacked away at nearby undergrowth to make sure she hadn't fallen into a canal. Sigh - I hate reverse threads

CaptainAnkles · 23/12/2014 08:12

Oh dear, it's the 'banter' defence again.

differentnameforthis · 23/12/2014 08:13

It's a bloody joke, for god's sake! To YOU and YOUR FRIENDS it is a joke, to the person on the receiving end it makes you feel like they are only your friends because you provide cheap nasty entertainment for them.

It makes you feel worthless, it makes you question your friendships.

But you keep making this about you op, I am sure he/she will find better friends who appreciate her/him for who they are & nopt because they provide free comedy.

Does sound a little bit childish and embarrassing, surely storming off makes the situation much worse?? If a person was relentlessly joking at the expense of a stranger/colleague, it could be called bullying. The victim didn't make this worse at all..his/her immature friends did.

The nature of the joke doesn't matter, op has admitted this is a regular thing & 'is not unusual' Friend has simply had enough.

VitalStollenFix · 23/12/2014 08:14

you were all poking fun at this person...as usual

and you don't understand why they finally snapped?

ApocalypseThen · 23/12/2014 08:14

Backed up with the MY CHILD WAS ALMOST DISTURBED strategy.

HellKitty · 23/12/2014 08:16

You sound a bit of a cow tbh.

Hoggle246 · 23/12/2014 08:17

What a horrible lot you sound. All sitting round 'poking fun' at your 'friend'? Hideous. And yes, stop banging on about the precious baby. It's your fault - perhaps if you didn't invite people to your house and then bully them, you'd experience less noise.

KatieKaye · 23/12/2014 08:18

It sounds like the child managed to sleep through a bunch of adults get pissed and laughing like drains as they ritually humiliated their sacrificial victim, so I'm not feeling any angst on its behalf.

Regardless of whether or not it is a reverse, this party sounds like a suburban Lord of the Flies.

ScaryHairyFairy · 23/12/2014 08:21

Well you invited someone around your house (very gracious of you) and then continued to take the piss and make fun out of them . Not a very "hostess with the mostest" kind of thing to do is it?

If anything, as the host, you should have been keeping things neutral and acted as the referee and told everyone to stop.

You majorly fucked up. You have no social etiquette when it comes to inviting people around your house to stay.

differentnameforthis · 23/12/2014 08:23

YY! baby slept through a party with multiple people, laughing, drinking, music maybe...but was almost disturbed by a friends becoming upset at persistent bullying...

ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose · 23/12/2014 08:23

A bit immature?? Nobody storms off late in the night, in an unknown area for fun.

I think you really need to find out what pissed your friend off before passing judgment on her.

although it seems really obvious to the rest of us

TheWitTank · 23/12/2014 08:25

Everyone has their limits. Sounds like your 'friend' has reached theirs and is sick of being the joke. You are absolutely right -you are immature. Add rude, socially awkward and bullying to that and you are spot on. Congrats on making someone feel like shit at Christmas.

BlinkAndMiss · 23/12/2014 08:28

You sound like a nasty bastard. My favourite bit is when you try to make out that you are the victim - 'nearly waking a sleeping baby' and 'DH goes out in him PJs for a second time'. Ha!

You should apologise, as should your friends who sound just as twatty as you but don't expect it to be accepted. I hate this kind of bullying that is shrouded in crap like 'it's a joke', 'it's banter', 'we've known each other for ages'.

You should treat your friends with respect. I'd be upset at myself if I was in your position.

WipsGlitter · 23/12/2014 08:30

I suspect a reverse, but if not...

Yabvvu. BiL always made a friend the butt of his "humour" then got really pissed off when his new wife distanced him from the gang. No one else blamed her.

Grovelling apology needed. I suspect you've lost her as a friend though.

pludolphTheRedNosedReindeer · 23/12/2014 08:30

I've walked out of a party like this, and although I did it relatively calmly , I wasn't staying the night, had my own transport, and hadn't drunk anything, so I could get away. It was also not a group of "best friends", so I wasn't "trapped" with them like that, either (and had no intention of "being friends with them" if that was the way they were going to be). Teenaged boys, huh....

Pipbin · 23/12/2014 08:37

I honestly think that some people don't understand how their jokes and banter can genuinely upset other people.
The 'it's just a joke' defence is the excuse of a shit in my opinion.

CeCeLaine · 23/12/2014 08:41

Once, a kid who was a victim of endless 'banter' ended up snapping and punching his 'mate'. You are lucky your friend did the right thing and removed themselves from the situation

Are you a teacher at my ds's old school or is this a bit more common than I realised?

My own DS did just this. The "Banter" unbeknown to me had been going on months and I the first I knew it was an issue was when I received a phonecall from his form tutor saying that he'd punched the kid right in the face and I was to collect him straight away.

When I got there my ds who was 15/16 at the time was in tears and the whole sorry story came out. He is a strapping lad but very gentle in nature so His "so called friends" thought he was fair game for what his form tutor said started as a joke that escalated to bullying. She backed him 100% as she knew that he had never been in trouble ever in this school and he is not a violent boy..... his friends said it was "just a laugh".

Its only a laugh when everyone is laughing........ My big gentle giant certainly wasn't laughing that day!!

Blueandwhitelover · 23/12/2014 08:44

You are the one who has been unreasonable. Do the right thing and talk to your friend this morning, if they are still there!

Pancakeflipper · 23/12/2014 08:47

Just loitering for the apology....

Goldmandra · 23/12/2014 08:50

This is typical playground bullying. You allow one person to be part of the group in order to be the butt of the jokes because that allows the rest of you to feel safe. You are just nice enough to this person to make them feel it's worthwhile sticking around but they always end up being a verbal punch bag once everyone's letting their hair down/had a few drinks.

The day the victim stands up for themselves or loses it and shows how upset they are, everyone else looks round in wide eyed innocence and 'wonders' why the victim has suddenly lost their sense of humour.

The next time you feel like picking on a member of your friendship group, imagine that person is your child and then see whether it still feels like a joke.

nilbyname · 23/12/2014 08:50

and the op has gone

I think if a group of my friends all started to pick on me at our Christmas party I would be pretty upset.
You don't sound very pleasant or empathetic.
Hapy Christmas and good will to all, eh?

Wonders if the op will come back to drip feed.....

crumblebumblebee · 23/12/2014 08:52

This has to be a reverse. No one is that lacking in empathy and self awareness, surely..?

AuntieStella · 23/12/2014 08:52

I'm hoping this is a reverse, because 'We started poking fun at one of our best friends' sounds so horrible.

If you have any regard for your poor friend at all, you need to apologise.

And you all need to cut out the meanness.

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