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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas party storm out

181 replies

weelittlething · 23/12/2014 07:35

We were having a Christmas party at ours for a group of close friends who we've known for ages. They were all staying over. Towards the end of the night some of us got in our PJs and we were chatting over a nightcap. We started poking fun at one of our best friends (this isn't unusual for said friend) and everyone was laughing and joking. All of a sudden friend stands up, really angry, and says "I'm going for a walk." We apologise for any offence but friend doesn't listen. Friend then stomps upstairs (very noisily), nearly waking up our sleeping baby on the way, grabs coat and walks out of the house.

This is past midnight in a dodgy area. DH runs after friend but friend is already out of sight.

So we sit around for an hour wondering what set friend off. We call friend's phone but it's turned off. It's late and we need to go to bed as baby is an early riser but we can't till friend gets back. Friend finally returns when DH goes out in PJs for second time, storms upstairs and doesn't want to speak about it to anyone.

Is it just me who would get really pissed off at this? I just thought it was, at best, immature (though I guess poking fun at a mate isn't particularly grown up) and overdramatic, and at best rude and inconsiderate towards one's hosts.

It's a bloody joke, for god's sake!

OP posts:
BIWI · 23/12/2014 07:50

God, you really don't like this 'friend' do you?

Not concerned about him/her at all, but worried about your sleeping baby, worried about not being able to get some sleep?

And So we sit around for an hour wondering what set friend off

Really?

You offended and upset someone sufficiently that they would want to walk out on you all. And you wonder why that might be? Really?

You are definitely being unreasonable, unsympathetic and totally insensitive. You need to apologise but, more importantly, you need to start treating this 'friend' better and stop ripping the piss out of them. That's if it's not too late of course, and you haven't been defriended.

(Unless this is a reverse AIBU, of course ... Hmm)

ArcheryAnnie · 23/12/2014 07:51

You seem to be working up a fine froth of being the one hurt (especially with the sleeping baby/up early thing), when it's you that behaved badly.

Of course friends rib each other sometimes, if that's the kind of relationship they have, but I can't imagine being so cold as to blame the person who was upset when it went too far and clearly hurt them.

DoingTheBestICan · 23/12/2014 07:51

I wonder if your friend may go home early this morning? I know I would if the realisation dawned on me that my friends only saw me as a target.

I feel really sorry for your poor friend.

Nativity3 · 23/12/2014 07:52

You should be grovelling to apologise. I'm surprised they came back atall Xmas Hmm

ApocalypseThen · 23/12/2014 07:52

You really do owe this person an apology. You wouldn't put up with that kind of bullying from a child. I'm sure she's heartily sick of being the butt of all jokes at parties and if she wants nothing more to do with the rotten lot of you, good for her.

KatieKaye · 23/12/2014 07:52

A joke is only a joke if everyone is laughing.
This sounds more like bullying. Friend felt trapped and had to escape the atmosphere.
She was having a crap time at your party and you did nothing to stop it.
Totally understand why she left.
You all owe her a sincere apology and need to start developing some empathy.

usefully · 23/12/2014 07:55

^^ what they all said

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2014 07:55

OP, you sound like a heartless bully and quite frankly a bitch.
I don't blame 'friend' for stomping out.

How would you like to be on the receiving end of someone's 'jokes' all the times.

Grow up and apologise profusely.

MimiSunshine · 23/12/2014 07:55

Firstly what do you mean 'nearly waking up our sleeping baby'? You mean the baby stirred but carried on sleeping through, or it was loud enough to wake the baby but didn't?
Either way unless the baby woke up screaming its irrelevant and to be honest you would have brought it upon yourselves.

If it isn't unusual for this friend to be poked fun of then I'd say you have pushed him too far. Perhaps it was the straw that broke the camels back, maybe the drinks lowered his ability to laugh it off.
If he hadn't stormed out, he may well have let rip at what mean girls (and boys) you are. Would that have been the correct etiquette for a rude host?

Personally I think YABVU and are misplacing your guilt (and hopefully shame) in order not to deal with the fact you have hurt your friend and only now realised how badly behaved you've been. Sincerely apologise and hope he forgives you.

Whippet81 · 23/12/2014 07:55

At the youngest of my family I have always been the butt of all the jokes generally around how useless I am even though I'm the least useless of all - what I'm wearing, every man I knew was a boyfriend etc etc it does get very tiring when people think they're funny when you just want a normal conversation for once. I have flipped a few times and it's always me that 'doesn't have a sense of humour'.

Grow up and say sorry - maybe she's having a hard time with something else and it's all too much.

YouTheCat · 23/12/2014 07:57

Definite apology required from you and others.

I hear this a lot... 'But I was only joking' - the difference is I hear it from primary aged kids, not adults.

TheCunnyFunt · 23/12/2014 07:57

Yabvu! You all sound like bullies. I hope your 'friend' finds herself a new group of friends that treat her with respect!

SunnaClausIsComingToTown · 23/12/2014 07:59

You all sound horrible.

MerryJeffingChristmas · 23/12/2014 08:00

Well tbh if I was the friend I would have just got my stuff and gone home so you are lucky she came back at all.

I hope you are having humble pie for breakfast.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 23/12/2014 08:00

Obviously wasn't a joke to her, was it? Bet you wouldn't find it so funny if you were continuously the butt if your friends' jokes. Someone was rude, inconsiderate and immature but it wasn't your friend.

BIWI · 23/12/2014 08:01

This is definitely a reverse AIBU, isn't it? The careful use of 'friend' and 'them'/'their' instead of saying 'him' or 'her'?

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 23/12/2014 08:01

YABU. Glad you're not my "friend".

LaurieFairyCake · 23/12/2014 08:02

Newsflash: after years of ripping the piss out of someone they finally snapped

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 23/12/2014 08:02

But yes, I'm calling reverse.

BlinkingHeck · 23/12/2014 08:02

YABU.
Maybe the friend is feeling down and has finally had enough of being the butt of a friendship groups jokes.

differentnameforthis · 23/12/2014 08:03

I have been that person...that everyone digs at, because 'it's usual'. It became usual because I lacked the confidence to stand up & tell them to shut the fuck up.

It fucking hurts op...when your 'friends' are having a joke at your expense.

noblegiraffe · 23/12/2014 08:03

Kids at school do this, say horrible things about people then say 'it's only banter' when anyone points out that they are coming across as complete tossers.

Once, a kid who was a victim of endless 'banter' ended up snapping and punching his 'mate'. You are lucky your friend did the right thing and removed themselves from the situation.

AlpacaYourThings · 23/12/2014 08:03

Yes, good guess BIWI. I hope its not a reverse. How I bloody hate a reverse thread...

GoofyIsACow · 23/12/2014 08:04

I hope the OP isn't coming back because she is whipping up breakfast and an apology although i doubt it

IndiansInTheLobby · 23/12/2014 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.