To wonder why my brother hasn't proposed to his gf yet?

[amibeingunreas]

They have been together for about 5 1/2 years, they both want to get married one day as far as i can know.

We got married at 19 so perhaps i'm a bit bias but do you think 5 1/2 years is too long to just be 'in a relationship'?

they are 23 and 26.

J

The OP is bonkers to assume her brothers gf is desperate to be married, but some of the statements re: young marriage are just as bonkers and judgey.

I'm also wondering what Frankie80 means by this: My BIL and his fiancee have been together about 14 years with 2 kids and a house but still not married.

because they get more unmarried

Get more what???

What did you actually google to generate lots of results about it being embarrassing?

'together five years not married'?
'man not propose woman shamed'?
'why man no propose woman what wrong with woman'?
'live in sin why not marry why why why'?

[agog emoticon]

"because they get more unmarried. Get more what???"

Maybe it means 'they get more and more unmarried as time goes on.' Like getting more and more in love.

I'm also wondering if I'm the BIL's other half. Together 14 years with 2 kids and a house. Getting more unmarried by the day!

IMO 23 is very very young to get married.

I know plenty of people who were at 23 still with their "school boyfriend", and now in their early 30s are very glad they did not marry that person.

Myfurbyisalive.... My mum and dad were engaged for 39 years before marriage... theres a difference between engaged to be married and engaged to be married RIGHT BLOODY NOW.

Does your brother fit in well with the rest of your family?

Or is he a bit unusual in some ways?

I wonder if perhaps he and his girlfriend have very different ideas to the rest of you on a number of things, and find that saying "yes we want to get married" the easiest response, and talking about pretty dresses and sparkly rings is an easy conversation for her to have with you when you don't have much else in common.

Proposal videos?

I'm not married and have been with my DP for that length of time. Marriage isn't a big thing to me. It doesn't mean we love each over any less or that we're less legit that you.

and im far from embarrassed. Why would I be? I can marry if I can. It's more embarrassing having a long line of husbands/wives and divorces IMO.

I proposed to DH
We were extremely pissed I grant you but took it seriously after the hangover wore off. By that point we were living together, had been a couple for 4 years and had an 18 month old son.
Been married for 12 years, were engaged for 4 months.
YABU, it's horses for courses and not worth being embarrassed about.

YABtotallyU. I got utterly sick of people asking me when DP was going to propose. We were together four years before getting engaged and the rubbish started two years in.

And yes, for your info OP and your very unbelievably traditional mind, I proposed to him, when I felt like it. And he accepted, when he felt like it, a few months later.

Now we are wedding planning I am now fielding question (as is he) about when we are going to reproduce. WTF is wrong with society? MYOB.

And breathe. Your comment about women never proposing to men and men having all the power really wound me up.

Me and DH were together for nearly 8.5 years before we married, 7y before we got engaged. Timing was right by then - we were both 25y by then.

I mean, in all seriousness, if she is that bothered about it - and I was more bothered about marriage than DP - then she can just propose like I did. It's not difficult.

I love hearing about women proposing please tell me you got down on one knee!!

OP One of these days they'll tell you that they took two work colleagues to the Registry Office and got married without fuss!

Andrew is right - although they may already have done so! DH and I had two strangers as witnesses, and didn't get around, for various good reasons to do with major life events, to telling anyone we got married for four or five months afterwards.

Bloody hell they're still babies! Why would they want to get married yet?

I can't decide if you're a Grade A Nosepoke, a fully fledged weirdness meister or just someone who's been at the KiddiCraft glue.

GraysAnalogy My DW proposed but as we were in a car I can't help with the one-knee bit

Op, another thought, forget family, are many of their friends married? In my experience, the 20-something general "yeah, marriage and kids, want that at some point in the future" isn't all that focused until one couple goes first. It always tends to go in waves, and wedding invites do lead couples who are happily bobbing along as they are, to have those "grown up" conversations.

At 23 and 26, there's a good chance some of their friends are only just finishing education, starting out in work with debts to clear from that before starting to think about saving up for rings and wedding costs. If none of their friends are going through the wedding planning stage, might just not be on their radar as something to do right now, more at some point in the next 5 or so years.

Or more sadly, it could well be while your brother cares for his gf, he doesn't see her as someone he's going to marry, that marriage and kids are what he wants, just maybe not with her- now he might never admit it, perhaps not even to himself, but men I've seen dragging their feet are often just doing so to avoid having to face up to that. (A mortgage is a commitment to a bank, not the person you took it out with).

GreysAnalogy I proposed three times over the course of eight months. First time we were walking together on a romantic weekend and he said no. I was gutted. Second time I got down on one knee and he said he would think about it... a few months later we had a huge fight (he wanted children and I was adamant no children without marriage) and I shouted "Well, when are we getting married then?!" and he said "How about next year?" Took me a few minutes to work out he wasn't winding me up So sorry, not very romantic either!

andrew and tinsel ha thats great! I think if I was inclined to get married I wouldn't have any qualms about asking DP. Id probably write on a pizza box or something...

I've never been proposed to. I've been married for 15 years though... We just decided to get married, booked it all and off we went. If I had waited for the grand gesture, sparkling ring and blended knee, I suspect that I would still be doing just that, waiting!

I didn't get down on one knee, i was sat on the end of the bar in our local pub

YY mary, I am late 20s and there seems to be something of a domino effect going on among some of the LTRs!

Domino divorce is a thing too, though.