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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my brother hasn't proposed to his gf yet?

232 replies

amibeingunreas · 22/12/2014 15:03

They have been together for about 5 1/2 years, they both want to get married one day as far as i can know.

We got married at 19 so perhaps i'm a bit bias but do you think 5 1/2 years is too long to just be 'in a relationship'?

they are 23 and 26.

J

OP posts:
MildDrPepperAddiction · 22/12/2014 16:52

Butt out nosey-hole

HTH

Cabrinha · 22/12/2014 16:53

I am raging that there are 19 year olds out there that think the man is in control of situation.

How many generations will it take to leave this UTTER FUCKING TRIPE behind??? Angry

Original poster
amibeingunreas · 22/12/2014 16:54

It just wouldn't, not in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
amibeingunreas · 22/12/2014 16:55

I'm not 19..

I am not denying that some women propose/ are in control of relationships but in this instance, it's not the case.

OP posts:
spinduchess · 22/12/2014 16:55

amibeingunreas Can you answer the questions about your religion and culture please?

You attitudes towards women seem very outdated.

spinduchess · 22/12/2014 16:56

I am not denying that some women propose/ are in control of relationships but in this instance, it's not the case.

Well then she should leave... because the only relationship worth being in is an equal one.

Beangarda · 22/12/2014 16:57

Are you 80, OP? Oh hang on, I'm pretty sure many 80 year olds wouldn't be labouring under the delusion that women sit about languishing and waiting for big, strong, controlling men to propose and remove the terrible threat of being an Old Maid at 26.

Original poster
amibeingunreas · 22/12/2014 16:58

I am not a part of any of the communities or religions mentioned. The vast majority of women would like to be proposed to, I've never heard of someone in real life that has proposed to their husband. Is it prevalant where you live?

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 22/12/2014 16:59

Well then maybe that's why it hasent happened yet because either....

your brother is a chauvinist control freak

or

your brother doesn't want to marry a woman who clearly isn't independent and in control of her life.

or

this is all just a load of made up crap?!

spinduchess · 22/12/2014 17:00

The United Kingdom in 2014? Why yes, relationship equality is expected here.

So which religion and culture are you a part of? Your cryptic answer was very telling.

Cabrinha · 22/12/2014 17:00

I unproposed to my boyfriend, if that counts? Grin I told him that marriage is not something I'm looking for - although a long term committed relationship is.

Go me, having an opinion and expressing it and not expecting it to be his choice Confused

Mrsfrumble · 22/12/2014 17:00

Do you know for sure that he hasn't proposed? Maybe they've already discussed it and decided that they want to wait for a few years.

You really need to stop projecting. Obviously being proposed to at such a young age was important for your self-esteem, but I think you'll find it's a pretty unusual measure of a woman's worth in the 21st century.

Thurlow · 22/12/2014 17:01

"The vast majority of women would like to be proposed to"

Eh Confused?

This is 2014. Some women propose to men. Some women - gasp! - don't want to get married.

Is there a reason why you are so adamant that your brother's girlfriend must hold the same opinions on marriage and relationships as you do?

frankie80 · 22/12/2014 17:03

My BIL and his fiancee have been together about 14 years with 2 kids and a house but still not married.

because they get more unmarried-

Lj8893 · 22/12/2014 17:03

I didn't actually think many people do the whole proposal thing anymore. Most people just discuss getting married and make a decision together to get married don't they?

Original poster
amibeingunreas · 22/12/2014 17:03

They have a very equal relationship, as do we. Do you actually all know people that have proposed to their husbands because I really don't.

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 22/12/2014 17:03

"Embarrassed is attributed to her because he is in control of the situation and could propose at any time." That still doesn't explain why she should be embarrassed because she hasn't had a proposal. Is not having a proposal something a woman should be embarrassed about?

Lj8893 · 22/12/2014 17:04

My friends parents are not married but have been together since they were teens and have 4 adult children.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 22/12/2014 17:04

...and some women propose to women! Do you think gay women can't marry, because there isn't a male involved to pop the proposal?

spinduchess · 22/12/2014 17:05

Yes, OP. I do.

So what cultural beliefs do you hold? Something is obviously influencing you and you are avoiding the question.

scallopsrgreat · 22/12/2014 17:06

"Do you actually all know people that have proposed to their husbands because I really don't."
I did.

Well, kind of. It was more he had some leave so we decided to get hitched then. Along the lines of how Lj8893 suggested. But I initiated that particular decision-making conversation.

Original poster
amibeingunreas · 22/12/2014 17:07

Spinduchess, I'm not sure what you want me to say - we did move here from America many years ago.

OP posts:
springlamb · 22/12/2014 17:08

I think you are rather out of step with young women today. That is fine, each to our own, variety is the spice of life, I don't rubbish your views. But I don't think they are shared by the majority of young women nowadays. I think you should just accept this with a shrug of your shoulders and never speak of it again. It's not your business.
Your brother and his gf are highly unlikely to discuss their views on marriage, life and love with you if they sense you are diametrically opposed to them. And I suspect you may send out those signals either consciously or not. If they don't question your motivations for marrying at what is nowadays a very young age, you do not question their reasons for not doing so.
And so family peace and harmony is preserved and one day you may need to buy a hat.

Thurlow · 22/12/2014 17:08

I know women who have proposed to their husbands. The majority of couples I know, however, have decided to get married as a couple, rather than a man proposing to his girlfriend out of the blue.

Seeing how you've posted and asked for our opinions... What 'signals' are you on about? Why do you think she's bothered?

Lj8893 · 22/12/2014 17:10

Yep scallops i also initiated the conversation and then when we were in town we spotted a ring and bought it. No proposal but certainly i would have been the proposer if there had been.

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