he will not listen and keeps repeating that 'everything is fine'
but it's clearly not is it?
I think through all of this he said she said stuff, (and I'm pretty new so I haven't read everything or old threads).
My honest advice would be to try giving a family member a call, see if your sister could help you out over Christmas, get some real support (better than the support that he can't or won't give you).
and tell him that everything is not fine and ask that he stay at his mums house for the night. I know that's a pretty shitty thing to say on Christmas eve, but you're clearly not in a good way with each other, and probably both need a bit of time and space to sit down and figure out what you need to do any how you want to be.
If you don't want to do that on Christmas eve then how about he leave after the kids go to bed on Christmas day? (basically retreat to separate corners) -and do it at a time when it's not convenient to just go to the pub rather than actually sit and think! (yeah I guess that is a little controlling to make sure that he has to go and think...)
I'm not saying tell him "you wanted space so f'off and have it"
just say that you realise that you've not been great to him over the year, but that's because you need time and support, which he doesn't give you, you've both got to a place when you're feeling like you're going through motions rather than being in a real relationship that's not healthy.
If you don't want to send him away for the night, then why not ask him to look after the kids upstairs whilst you sleep on the sofa for a bit.
I guess you could use some building analogy,
You're both stressed, in need of help, probably both want to fix these cracks.
but you need to take a step back and check the foundations.
It seems that you either don't have, or at least don't show respect for each other.
You both appear to need some space to breath.