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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..to think that if you've written the Christmas card you don't need to sign it from your DH/P first?

154 replies

GoTellItToTheMavis · 20/12/2014 15:59

I've noticed this over the last few years - women who I know have written all the family/friends Christmas cards and yet who sign it from Bob, Jane, little Bob, Little Jane.

Why not put yourself first? You wrote the thing. Surely men don't need precedence in card signing? Or perhaps everyone I know writes in age order and it's simply a coincidence that all the DH/Ps are older

OP posts:

Blowthisforagameofsoldiers · 20/12/2014 22:09

It's random round here. Or not quite. I can't remember right now. It is further complicated by the fac that my family know me by a variant of my name which I don't use any more, so I sign different things depending on the recipients, but on balance I think my name is first on most of them.

5madthings · 20/12/2014 22:17

I write cards to my friends and family and put my name first, dp writes them for his family and friends and puts his name first.

The madthings are then done in age order, elder to youngest.

Ohfourfoxache · 20/12/2014 22:46

If I write cards then I'll always put DH's name first (I think it sounds better)

If he writes cards he'll always put my name first.

GazpachoSoup · 20/12/2014 23:00

Oooh, good question! I found myself pondering this the other day in fact when I was writing out cards.
I always write out the Christmas cards. If it was left up to DH no-one would get a card.
The majority of the cards are written "from Gazpacho, Mr Gazpacho and kids" as they're to my family.
When it's to his cousins we send cards to though, I always feel a bit weird writing "from Gazpacho, Mr Gazpacho and kids".
Should I put his name first or mine? It's a card from their side of the family that the wife has written her name first on. When it's he who is the original family member who's known them yonks

Stealthpolarbear · 20/12/2014 23:47

Do people who put the men first address card to "dad and mum"?

DustyCropHopper · 21/12/2014 00:01

When writing cards and present labels the intention is that things for my side of the family and 'my' friends I put me first, for dh's side and friends I put him. The reality is, I go first on all but a few because I forget . Dh comments most years that his name should go first because the presnt or card is for 'x' on his side, I politely point out if he isn't happy with the way I do it, he is most welcome to take over the wrapping/card writing. He doesn't mention it again until the following Christmas!

montysma1 · 21/12/2014 00:13

This is the 4rth thread i have read about the addressing of Christmas cards. Me, I dont do them and no I dont give to charity in their place. I can not believe there are actually people who worry about a bit of card that at will be chucked in the bin in january.

OOAOML · 21/12/2014 00:19

I write my name, then his, then the children (thinking about it I do them in age order, so DD before DS). These are mainly to my family and a few friends that I'm not going to see or be able to send facebook greetings to (I pruned my cards a year or so ago). His family - a few years back I realised I was writing out cards to distant relations on his side that I probably wouldn't recognise if I saw them in the street. I may also have flicked through Wifework. I therefore suggested that he should do cards to his family/friends. I don't think he sends any. If they are joint friends I check if he is going to send a card/email them.

TheHorseHasBolted · 21/12/2014 00:49

I write my name first if I'm writing them. This is mainly because I'm writing the, and I'm so used to writing "from Me" when a card is only from me that it just seems natural to do it that way and then add all names. If we were going by oldest first then it would be me anyway as I'm a few months older than DH. I've never heard of doing it by alphabetical order before, if we did it that way then DH would come first but DS2 would some second, which feels unnatural!

I'd write the names of the couple or family I was writing it to with the one I knew better first, regardless of age.

I don't really know how you determine who is the head of the family, I assume it's the highest earner, which in our case would be DH, but we never use the expression.

BringMeTea · 21/12/2014 03:42

My name first if I write, except for his family, then I get him to sign them. I am very surprised that people put their partners's name first, especially when the reason is 'it's correct' or even worse 'he's head of the household'. What does that even mean?

Kristingle · 21/12/2014 05:32

I think it means that they have fallen through a hole in the space time continuum and they are actually from 1952

VashtaNerada · 21/12/2014 06:12

I've never heard of this before! I generally do mine first unless it's to someone slightly random who knows DH much better than me (although tbh he'd probably write that one himself anyway). And I've never heard the expression 'head of the household' used in a serious way. How do you know who's the head? Age? Income? (Hope so because I win both of those )

WorkingBling · 21/12/2014 06:35

Dh does all his own family and close friends cards and presents and I do mine. We each sign our own name first. But this ManName WomanName thing is rife - I received a text this week from an old family friend. It came from her phone so I assume she wrote it. She signed it, "love Jack and Jill". I could not get my head around that!

PhaedraIsMyName · 21/12/2014 07:02

I always write "Mum and Dad" too, "Dad and Mum" sounds wrong

Doesn't it just. On the few cards I write my name goes first , his name only gets added to people with whom he has a connection with. I have friends he doesn't know that well and some he doesn't like and it would seem very strange to me to add his name.

What he does on cards he sends (e.g ones to his family) I have no idea. I would assume the same.

PhaedraIsMyName · 21/12/2014 07:03

Oh bugger that second "with" is appallingly bad grammar.

flowery · 21/12/2014 07:14

Why on earth are people assuming that putting the man's name first equals putting him first in the pecking order, or declaring him head of the household?

When I'm speaking to people about both of us, I say DH and I/me, not I/me and DH. If you are listing a number of people, including yourself, you put yourself last. It's good manners. You are not making some big political statement about who is more important.

I think some people really do look for things to be outraged about. Must be quite exhausting.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 21/12/2014 07:23

flowery I have never seen anyone sign a card from "Dad, Child, Child, Child and Mum"

flowery · 21/12/2014 07:29

No, you're right, and I do put the DC underneath separately. I sign in two pairs, if that makes sense. But if I put DH before me, it's not because I think he's more important, or head of the household, and I do find it surprising that in 2014 people are assuming that's the reason women do it (if they do).

Andanotherthing123 · 21/12/2014 07:33

Flowery it is grammatically correct to say DH and I, rather that me and DH (as is saying 'my friend and I' etc) but listing the man first in a card has sexist origins which is why I personally don't like it.

Stealthpolarbear · 21/12/2014 07:37

" ay). And I've never heard the expression 'head of the household' used in a serious way. How do you know who's the head? Age? Income? (Hope so because I win both of those )"
Largest penis I suspect

Stealthpolarbear · 21/12/2014 07:40

Actually it's only correct to say "dh and I" if they're the subject of the sentence
"He gave the gift to dh and I" would be wrong

MsJupiter · 21/12/2014 07:49

I've noticed Janet always puts her name ahead of Roy's. Never had her pegged as a feminist.

flowery · 21/12/2014 07:56

Actually it's only correct to say "dh and I" if they're the subject of the sentence. "He gave the gift to dh and I" would be wrong

Yes indeed, :) that's why I said DH and I/me, because whether it would be I or me depends on the sentence being said/written.

Andanotherthing it may have happened for sexist reasons in the past, but I just think it's strange to assume that is the reason now, or to do the opposite to make some kind of point.

I think it's good manners to put others before yourself in conversation/correspondence, so that's what I do. It's as simple as that, and I really hope anyone reading cards written by me doesn't think I've had some kind of brain transplant and suddenly think DH is head of the household.

Moreisnnogedag · 21/12/2014 08:00

Our names sound right if it's dhmore and more; it doesn't flow nicely otherwise. It's not necessarily sexist though, my mom is listed first then my dad and she firmly believes that men are the head of the household, even if only as a token.

Stealthpolarbear · 21/12/2014 08:04

Sorry flowery that comment was to ands other
I spent many a fun hour with my cousins when I was young working out which 'way round' all the names of couples we knew should go. Very few went either first :o

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