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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is not my fault her daughter got a tattoo!

426 replies

han3459 · 19/12/2014 19:47

Hi all,

Wondering about a situation that's occurred over the last few days. My oldest DD is 19 and has had a best friend since primary school who is 18.

My DD decided she wanted to get a small tattoo on the inside of her foot over the summer but decided to wait until the Christmas break so she was sure it was what she wanted and so she could be at home to get it done. I heard from my DD that her friend also wanted a tattoo and so they decided to book the appointment together.

As neither of them have cars I offered to give them a lift to the tattoo place as I needed to go to town, and then drop her friend home afterwards as we drive past hers anyway.

Later on that evening, I get a phone call from the girl's mum who is furious. She said she would not given her daughter permission as she hates tattoos and apparently I am irresponsible for both allowing my daughter to get a tattoo at her age and for not checking her daughter was allowed with her first.

I explained to her that IMO my daughter doesn't need permission as she is 19 and therefore and adult, free to make her own decisions. I believe the same applies to her daughter as she is 18 and legally does not need parental permission.

I have known in the past her mum is very strict with her but it never even crossed my mind to check whether she knew or not. I don't see why I need to. I don't really agree with the way she parents so we have little to do with each other but have always been friendly when we do see each other.

I had nothing to do with it other than drive them there but it is my fault for 'encouraging their behavior'. She has now demanded in future I am too check decisions regarding her daughter with her Hmm I refused to do this as I told her I would not be treating her daughter like a child and the conversation ended with lots of shouting from her and then she hung up.

I really don't see the problem, they are both adults???? So AIBU or is this women really controlling???

OP posts:
dragdownthemoon · 19/12/2014 20:26

When I was at uni my then boyfriend got a tattoo. He was 19. His mum went mental and blamed me (I was 20). She screamed at me how could I possibly let him do that? I wasn't even there at the time he got it done...

OP YANBU you've done nothing wrong x

dementedma · 19/12/2014 20:29

Dd went off to Spain to work as an au pair, the day after her 18th birthday. Came back with music notes tattooed on her torso. They actually look quite cool and can be covered up most of the time, but look funky when she's singing with the band Grin

grumpyoldgitagain · 19/12/2014 20:34

If she's 18 then she is an adult so it's fuck all to do with her mother if she wants one

Cooki3Monst3r · 19/12/2014 20:34

Let's face it, when our DDs turn 18 and are going off on their own, lets hope a small, discreet tattoo is as bad as it's going to get!!!

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 19/12/2014 20:36

I'm still so baffled that anyone has an opinion on a drawing on someone else's skin.

Fair enough if someone tattoos you in your sleep - go batshit crazy, by all means. But caring about what's on another person?

Why?

Neither my DP or my mum like tattoos. I have loads. They don't have an opinion because they're on me.

mix56 · 19/12/2014 20:37

I would have asked her if her parents were OK with it , SIMPLY to avoid this scenario...

EatShitDerek · 19/12/2014 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooHasty · 19/12/2014 20:40

I don't know.Is she still at school? Our school would not allow tattoos

MorelliOrRanger · 19/12/2014 20:41

None of her mums business. Yanbu op.

Purpleflamingos · 19/12/2014 20:44

She's nuts. At 18 I came home after 10 weeks at uni with piercings, a tattoo and dyed hair.

My mother was more distraught that I'd dyed my blonde hair than the tattoo and piercings which could be hidden!

tiggydiggydee · 19/12/2014 21:02

I really don't like tattoos and would be sad if my DD (22) got one. Luckily she doesn't like them either but if she did there would be nothing I could do about it.
Hmm 18 yes is an adult but its still so young and as someone else has said is she still at school? Either way though you did nothing wrong and it certainly isn't your fault. I guess the Mum is just lashing out and unfortunately blamed you. I'm not sure I'd have given them a lift though but that's because I wouldn't have supported what they wanted to do Wink.
If they were so keen then I'd have let them make their own way Grin

HouseBaelish · 19/12/2014 21:18

Meh. If the worst thing my DD does at 18 is come home with tattoos I'll be pretty bloody thrilled.

I've got tonnes. All but one I love. One was a stupid, young person thing. I'm still alive Grin

Discopanda · 19/12/2014 21:28

She's treating you as a scapegoat because she's angry. Next time one of your DD's friends wants to do something and they're in your house or you're giving them a lift somewhere, make sure you have a hand-written letter of consent signed by both parents. JK, woman sounds like a nutter.

SamCroClaus · 19/12/2014 21:37

yanbu
I have taken ds when he has had tatts(as in driven and gone in as I like watching)
if one of his mates was going as well, I would just take them.
they are over 18 so asking the parent would not be on my radar

SirChenjin · 19/12/2014 21:41

If they were so keen then I'd have let them make their own way

Yep, me too Grin. DS1 has a heart condition and has been strongly advised by his Consultant never to have piercings or tattoos - I'm just hoping and praying that he takes that advice. The other 2 DCs don't have that worry, but no way would I be driving them to get tattooed at 18 - I'm having nothing to do with it.

fluffling · 19/12/2014 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbluestars · 19/12/2014 21:49

I wouldn't drive my DD to get a tattoo.
I don;t like them and realise I couldn't stop her , but I wouldn't facilitate it by taking her there.

AlpacaLypse · 19/12/2014 21:55

I'm trying hard to get my head round this one, my dtds are still only 15 and obviously I still have an ultimate veto legally.

I think I would probably have double checked that friend's mum actually knew what was planned - but who knows?

bigbluestars · 19/12/2014 21:58

OP- you took this girl to the tattoo parlour and picked her up afterwards- can you not see how that looks?

I would be angry with you too. You are complicit.

HouseBaelish · 19/12/2014 22:02

*OP- you took this girl to the tattoo parlour and picked her up afterwards- can you not see how that looks?

I would be angry with you too. You are complicit*

The OP is in no way complicit at all. She gave her ADULT daughter and her daughter's ADULT friend a lift. What they did there was none of her business.

SamCroClaus · 19/12/2014 22:03

over 18 they can do it leagally
I would be glad they had some one to take them

Ohfourfoxache · 19/12/2014 22:04

Complicit or not, both girls are adults.

Frankly they can do what the fuck they like as long as it's legal.

IAmNotAMindReader · 19/12/2014 22:04

Complicit? Complicit in what precisely?

Complicit in giving an LEGAL ADULT a lift somewhere PERFECTLY LEGAL to do something PERFECTLY LEGAL?

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 19/12/2014 22:05

I would be angry with you too. You are complicit.

Yes, she gave someone's child a lift into town. What a bi-atch! Hmm

OP, you know what I'd say if you kindly gave my child a lift somewhere? I'd say 'thank you'. :)

Tell the other mother to feck off. It's a drawing on some skin. Why does she care? She's being barmy.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2014 22:05

My goodness the lady is nuts, they are both adults fgs! She still thinks her dd is 12 by the sounds of it!