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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is not my fault her daughter got a tattoo!

426 replies

han3459 · 19/12/2014 19:47

Hi all,

Wondering about a situation that's occurred over the last few days. My oldest DD is 19 and has had a best friend since primary school who is 18.

My DD decided she wanted to get a small tattoo on the inside of her foot over the summer but decided to wait until the Christmas break so she was sure it was what she wanted and so she could be at home to get it done. I heard from my DD that her friend also wanted a tattoo and so they decided to book the appointment together.

As neither of them have cars I offered to give them a lift to the tattoo place as I needed to go to town, and then drop her friend home afterwards as we drive past hers anyway.

Later on that evening, I get a phone call from the girl's mum who is furious. She said she would not given her daughter permission as she hates tattoos and apparently I am irresponsible for both allowing my daughter to get a tattoo at her age and for not checking her daughter was allowed with her first.

I explained to her that IMO my daughter doesn't need permission as she is 19 and therefore and adult, free to make her own decisions. I believe the same applies to her daughter as she is 18 and legally does not need parental permission.

I have known in the past her mum is very strict with her but it never even crossed my mind to check whether she knew or not. I don't see why I need to. I don't really agree with the way she parents so we have little to do with each other but have always been friendly when we do see each other.

I had nothing to do with it other than drive them there but it is my fault for 'encouraging their behavior'. She has now demanded in future I am too check decisions regarding her daughter with her Hmm I refused to do this as I told her I would not be treating her daughter like a child and the conversation ended with lots of shouting from her and then she hung up.

I really don't see the problem, they are both adults???? So AIBU or is this women really controlling???

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 19/12/2014 23:22

I think tattoos are usually a bit naff (unless you've been at sea) but still YANBU.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/12/2014 23:25

If my DD wanted a tramp stamp I certainly wouldn't give her a lift there

would that just be for a tramp stamp or for a tat anywhere else on her body?

Or are you one of those who think the term tramp stamp is just a word for tattoos?

Fwiw I'm a collector a large % of my body is inked but you would not have a clue unless I wanted you to know about it. I'm also secure enough to not give a hoot what anybody else thinks about it.

You get to make decisions for yourself because you are adults,I get to make decisions for myself because I am an adult the exact same thing applies to anybody else who is 18+

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 19/12/2014 23:29

"Tramp stamp" is a vile, sexist phrase.

WillkommenBienvenue · 19/12/2014 23:32

Legally you stop being a child at 18 but mentally you are still an adolescent until 21. For this reason people do stupid things under 21 and mothers should support each other and act as other young people's guardians not undermine each other just because they have different approaches to parenting.

It's a tatoo ffs, not nail varnish or make up. It's there forever.

The woman probably is controlling but that's not the point.

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 19/12/2014 23:34

I think I have a 'tramp stamp'. Not quite sure what the criteria is though. Never really thought about it. Might look it up.

It's a large faerie on my lower back. I like it a lot.

Cooki3Monst3r · 19/12/2014 23:36

If my DD wanted a tramp stamp I certainly wouldn't give her a lift there.

WTF... are we in the 1950's all of a sudden?

tramp stamp... seriously?!!

Willkommen did you not read the bit about the DD's friend being 18? Why would she need permission? And at what age would you find it acceptable for OP to have not checked with the mother first? 19? 20? 30?!!!!

This is insane!

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 19/12/2014 23:36

Ah, googled.

Led me to a Daily Mail page.

Enough said!!

Grin
Windywenceslas · 19/12/2014 23:37

Legally you stop being a child at 18 but mentally you are still an adolescent until 21.

Sorry, what is this based on?

ravenAK · 19/12/2014 23:38

Yes. 'Tramp stamp' makes me cross.

Some people think tattoos look horrible. Fine.

Others may think botoxed faces/gel nails/stretched ear lobes/pierced tongues/fake tan/augmented boobs look gross.

In any of these cases, it's just a personal preference - no more significant than that, & of course we all instinctively think 'that looks great/ghastly' when we meet someone.

But it might be nice if we all applied Thumper's Law a bit more when it comes to passing judgment on each other's appearance!

Cooki3Monst3r · 19/12/2014 23:38

Willkommen ahh... yes that magic 21st birthday when all our decisions become rational, well judged and 'adult' like.

What are you talking about?!

superstarheartbreaker · 19/12/2014 23:40

I don't really understand why anyone would be horrified if their dd got a tattoo... Unless it was on their face or an " unprofessional" part of the body.

Windywenceslas · 19/12/2014 23:40

Joffrey, I said earlier it was all sounding a bit Daily Mail. I wondered how long it would take for "tramp stamp" to be mentioned.

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 19/12/2014 23:41

What's Thumper's Law?

I'm picturing the rabbit from Bambi.

SamCroClaus · 19/12/2014 23:42

at 18 you are an adult.

motherinferior · 19/12/2014 23:42

You seriously think that other older women should 'act as guardians' to adults under 21?

Dear god you must have had a sheltered adolescence - and, more to the point, young adulthood.

WillkommenBienvenue · 19/12/2014 23:43

Windi, Cooki

It's based on the development of the teenage brain, recent research done by scientists. Our decision making processes are shaky until at least 21.

motherinferior · 19/12/2014 23:44

What recent research? By whom? Please link. To the original study, obviously.

EatShitDerek · 19/12/2014 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WillkommenBienvenue · 19/12/2014 23:44

I don't really understand why anyone would be horrified if their dd got a tattoo.

I don't think anyone's horrified about the tatoo, it's the disregard of another parent's wishes that people are disagreeing with.

ravenAK · 19/12/2014 23:44

Yes Joffrey, it was indeed the rabbit from Bambi - he said: '"If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." Grin.

motherinferior · 19/12/2014 23:44

Neuroscientists or clinical psychologists?

EatShitDerek · 19/12/2014 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 19/12/2014 23:46

It's not up to the woman's own parents whether or not she has a tattoo. Let alone another woman's parents.

LemonySmithit · 19/12/2014 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 19/12/2014 23:47

Because she's not a 'girl'. She's old enough to vote and get married.