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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is not my fault her daughter got a tattoo!

426 replies

han3459 · 19/12/2014 19:47

Hi all,

Wondering about a situation that's occurred over the last few days. My oldest DD is 19 and has had a best friend since primary school who is 18.

My DD decided she wanted to get a small tattoo on the inside of her foot over the summer but decided to wait until the Christmas break so she was sure it was what she wanted and so she could be at home to get it done. I heard from my DD that her friend also wanted a tattoo and so they decided to book the appointment together.

As neither of them have cars I offered to give them a lift to the tattoo place as I needed to go to town, and then drop her friend home afterwards as we drive past hers anyway.

Later on that evening, I get a phone call from the girl's mum who is furious. She said she would not given her daughter permission as she hates tattoos and apparently I am irresponsible for both allowing my daughter to get a tattoo at her age and for not checking her daughter was allowed with her first.

I explained to her that IMO my daughter doesn't need permission as she is 19 and therefore and adult, free to make her own decisions. I believe the same applies to her daughter as she is 18 and legally does not need parental permission.

I have known in the past her mum is very strict with her but it never even crossed my mind to check whether she knew or not. I don't see why I need to. I don't really agree with the way she parents so we have little to do with each other but have always been friendly when we do see each other.

I had nothing to do with it other than drive them there but it is my fault for 'encouraging their behavior'. She has now demanded in future I am too check decisions regarding her daughter with her Hmm I refused to do this as I told her I would not be treating her daughter like a child and the conversation ended with lots of shouting from her and then she hung up.

I really don't see the problem, they are both adults???? So AIBU or is this women really controlling???

OP posts:
ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 14:36

BBS, Matt Taylor did indeed wear a shirt which some people found controversial. A shirt, incidentally, which had been made for him by a friend as a birthday and good luck gift. Good for him. I should imagine those same people who would be more concerned by cartoons his choice of attire than his achievement, are the same who would be more concerned by his choice of body art than his achievement.

That really is the point, for example, my tattoos are mine and not yours to have an opinion over. To me, your position is somewhat like being concerned by someone else's choice of underwear. Someone else's tattoos really do have absolutely nothing to do with you and they certainly don't affect their capacity to be a beneficial part of society, anymore than their underwear choice does.

YouTheCat · 23/12/2014 14:39

True, Procrastina.

I don't find my tattoos render me incapable of teaching children to read.

bigbluestars · 23/12/2014 14:41

THat simply shows Matt Taylors bad judgement though.

Just because someone has an academic career does not expempt them from having some consideration and decency.

I don't care is his shirt was made by Santa Claus. He exercised poor judgement.
He may be a clever man, but he is doing himself no favours by his public image.

YouTheCat · 23/12/2014 14:43

I don't think he cares all that much about his public image.

bigbluestars · 23/12/2014 14:48

Ha ha- you have clearly never worked in academia.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 14:49

Yes BBS. Matt Taylor should tailor his choice of attire, to protect the sensibilities of people who don't appreciate the achievements of tattooed people anyway Hmm

YTC, I'm a women's self defence instructor. Fortunately, people don't seem to mind my (extensive) tattoos - given I'm showing them how to protect and maybe save their lives. We are such a blight on society!

YouTheCat · 23/12/2014 14:50

Are all people with academic backgrounds the same then? No scope at all for individual thought?

bigbluestars · 23/12/2014 14:52

Penty scope- but if you want success then a degree conformity is required.

YouTheCat · 23/12/2014 14:54

Well, Matt Taylor seems to have done very well, considering, then.

HouseBaelish · 23/12/2014 14:55

Seriously Bigblue you're just being (or trying to be, how very dull) goady.

I didn't get a tattoo to confirm to a fashion. Each and every one of mine were done for me. Not because I wanted to be fashionable (i'm so not interested in that) but because it is something I enjoy on my body.

And no, the examples you gave aren't about confirming are they? They're about being a decent person. Newsflash, people with tattoos are decent people.

YouTheCat · 23/12/2014 15:14

Interesting article

KatieKaye · 23/12/2014 15:15

Oh, are you an academic? I thought you were a recruitment consultant?

No matter. Academia, like so many other walks of life, is a huge and varied area. It is therefore nonsensical to make these broad sweeping statements. What is true for one discipline in one academic institution may be the reverse elsewhere.

And you could hardly call some of the greatest talents conformist: Mozart, Da Vinci etc.

Really you should try broadening your horizons to see the bigger picture, which is that the world is full of individuals and to judge them and find them wanting solely on the basis of a tattoo is small mindedness at its most extreme.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 15:26

Along with self defence tutoring, I run a business. I teach self defence for free, because my business is successful enough for me to do so (and I don't believe women should gave to pay to learn to protect themselves!).

Under no circumstances would I want to work for someone else - and I don't need to. I do not understand the mindset of people who aspire only to climbing someone else's ladder - but I don't judge them for it!

It's not for me to judge someone else's personal criteria for 'success' and nor is it yours, BBS. Being 'management material' really isn't the only marker of a worthwhile individual or the only thing people should aspire to being.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 23/12/2014 15:28

This thread actually reminded me to book my tattoo. Excited Grin

motherinferior · 23/12/2014 16:19

Bigblue, it's actually getting a bit embarrassing watching you change tack so often (so now tattoos are conforming?). I think you should really give up now.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 16:23

Motherinferior, only if people get a tattoo when under 35, apparently!

bigbluestars · 23/12/2014 16:36

motherinferior- not at all- its bizarre to watch all those with tattoos change their stance.

" No way would I conform"
But they are- fashion victims.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 16:42

*bigbluestars

You are conforming by getting a tattoo nowadays if you are under 35- blindly following a fashion.*

So, what about the over 35s, BBS? Which assumption would you like to (try to) apply to us?

HouseBaelish · 23/12/2014 17:00

But they are- fashion victims

You missed out three vital words. "in my opinion".

HTH

motherinferior · 23/12/2014 17:01

Bigbluestars, we get it:

(a) You don't like tattoos
(b) You think 18 year olds should still ask their mums if they make a major decision
(c) You don't like tattoos
(d) You think other adults (or is it just other parents?) should inform the parents of 18 year olds about those decisions, and (in some not quite specified manner) pass on any concerns
(e) You don't like tattoos
(f) You think we should conform, but not if conforming means getting a tattoo (see points (a) (c) and (e) above.

WRT points (a), (c) and (e) you are perfectly entitled to your own views, but only as a matter of aesthetics rather than socioeconomic comment.
Points (b) (d) and (f) are ones on which a number of us disagree. To put it mildly.

GraysAnalogy · 23/12/2014 17:26

So there's a magic number on them now.

Actually OP, when I first got my tattoos (im well under 35) they weren't in fashion. Actually people I knew called them 'horrible goth fashion' and that sort of horrible crap. I had them done despite all the abuse I knew I would get because I liked them. Lo and behold though now they're fashionable.

Mehitabel6 · 23/12/2014 17:32

It is all irrelevant- there is one point only - the DD is an adult and there is no way that OP is anyway responsible.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 17:33

My grandad had one and I adored it. It was from his war-time RAF days. He was a lovely old fellow and I would have been interested to see whether you would have show him the disrespect you are showing other people with body art, BBS.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 17:33

My grandad had one and I adored it. It was from his war-time RAF days. He was a lovely old fellow and I would have been interested to see whether you would have show him the disrespect you are showing other people with body art, BBS.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 17:34

*shown