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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want my husband to bake my son's birthday cake

143 replies

sandfish · 17/12/2014 17:09

I like baking cakes and enjoy making special birthday cakes for my children. However, with my Son's birthday in 5 days time, I'm struggling with horrible morning (all day) sickness and can't bring myself to open the fridge to look for eggs most of the time let alone bake. I'd feel sad for my son if he didn't have a special cake for his party, so have found a recommended local cake making lady who might be able to make for me, for a fee naturally. Was about to book it, when mentioned the plan to my husband and he suddenly expressed a desire to bake the cake himself.

This would be all well and good if it were not for the fact that in the 20 years I have known him he has never baked a cake, nor shown any interest. I imagine I will need to end up standing over him trying not to be sick into the mixture. The result, even if edible, is not likely to be very exciting.

He is miffed with me and had gone out for a run in huff, because I suggested he was being cheap and not wanting to pay for it, and that he would need help with baking and I wasn't up to it. He is in a grump because apparently he thought it was a lovely gesture he had made, he wants to do it, and I 'think men are stupid and can't do anything'.

I'm peeved because he seems to think baking is so piss easy he can just knock out a fancy cake for son no bother, so clearly he doesn't value the efforts I put in to these things. And I think he just doesn't want to pay.

AIBU? Is he? Do I let him bake it and cack it right up just to prove a point? Or go ahead and order a cake anyway?

OP posts:

ExtraVolume · 17/12/2014 17:33

Well done on the re-think. Yes chill and let him get on with it, will either be a very sweet effort or a hilarious disaster.

youareallbonkers · 17/12/2014 17:33

hold on a second, why is ok for her to laugh at his efforts at cake making when there was an identical post earlier about the husband laughing at the wife's cakes and he was universally declared a knob

5Foot5 · 17/12/2014 17:35

Your poor DH - no wonder he is in an a huff. Any fool can follow a recipe to make a basic cake. He might have been looking forward to it and now you have undermined him.

Still I suppose you can be excused a bit as you are not feeling so well.

Make it up to him when he comes back from his run and let him get on with it.

XmasEveDallas · 17/12/2014 17:35

FGS baking a cake is a piece of piss if you follow a recipe. "Let him make it" - what's with "Let him"? If he wants to make a cake he should make a cake - there's no "Let him" involved.

aquawater · 17/12/2014 17:37

I'm sorry but making a basic cake is easy. There is no reason why he should have a disaster if he is following a recipe. The sponges I make only have 4 ingredients.

Delphine31 · 17/12/2014 17:38

Poor chap. He's offered to do a nice thing and you've decided he's not capable before he's even had a go. And it doesn't even really matter if it isn't a brilliant cake.

I think YABU.

It's only a cake. Anyone who can read a recipe can make a cake, surely?

Spidermama · 17/12/2014 17:39

I'm with your husband and Kurri kurri et al. Surely your DS would rather have a cake made by his daddy than a cake made by some stranger you had to pay no matter how lovely.

I'd be offended if I were your DH. You need to apologise to him and take a step back and count your blessings.

Original poster

sandfish · 17/12/2014 17:39

Marianne

No, I don't want him to fail, I thought I was being realistic that he might though, and I have a party to feed, and right now I feel so queasy I don't want go near a mixing bowl.

Ha! If he makes a passable cake it will not threaten me in the slightest! Please note the language I used in my OP. He is miffed and I am a bit peeved. This is not a deep psychological or marital issue. I daresay we will move past this particular contretemps in time! The scars will not be deep.

OP posts:

MrSheen · 17/12/2014 17:39

Baking a normal sponge cake is piss easy. It's practically the easiest thing you can do. Children do it in nursery. It's really insulting to tell an adult that they will be so shit at it it's not even worth giving it a go.

Annietheacrobat · 17/12/2014 17:40

If you are really that worried buy him a packet mix. DP has recently got into making them with DD and most have been passable.

cardibach · 17/12/2014 17:40

I can't believe so many of you think so little of men's capabilities. What if a man came on here saying their wife wanted to change a car bulb (or other 'male' activity you can think of) and it was ridiculous, how would she be able to follow the book, what would become of the car...? You would all, rightly, flame him for sexism. It's a bloody recipe. If he can rad, he can cook. If it's a bit flat/lopsided/whatever, so what?
YABU OP, as are many of the PPs.

ExtraVolume · 17/12/2014 17:40

Because he's never baked in 20 years so is quite likely to fuck it up? My first ever birthday cake collapsed as I tried to get it out of the tin as I hadn't greased it enough.

And humour (shared, not laughing at someone) is the best way to defuse the tension created by their disagreement.

ClimbingFramePlanningEnquiry · 17/12/2014 17:41

Good point, XmasEve.

'Let him make one' is quite awful (and I was guilty too!).

In my defence, my 'let him' was more of a 'give him space, don't nag, and don't put him down' kind of 'let him' than a 'allow it to happen'.

If I was feeling grotty, and not up to making my dc birthday cake (and tbf, I have made cakes under extreme conditions, including morning sickness, and my triumph of a gluten/dairy free rainbow cake, made 6 days post c section!) I would far rather that dh made one (whatever the result) than buying one - as then the love and effort are still there. A shop bought cake, however delicious professional, is just not the same.

MokunMokun · 17/12/2014 17:41

I was also thinking what youareallbonkers said. Don't laugh at it. That's just nasty.

Cakes don't have to look professional. My kids actually like to help make cakes which usually means they are very messy and covered in sweeties and strawberries. They love it!

I think he's being a good dad here!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 17/12/2014 17:42

It might be piss easy but I'm rubbish at it. DH made DD's this yr and while he bakes a cake about 4 times a year he totally underestimated the time it would take to decorate it. I would be really upset if he refused to even let me try though.

Short of setting the kitchen on fire you can only do well out of this. Future efforts will be massively appreciated. Sorry but I think you might have to apologise over this.

BalloonSlayer · 17/12/2014 17:43

FGS it's a cake not a nuclear reactor.

Any even half-competent 10 year old can make a cake.

You're the female version of those blokes of my Dad's generation who loved to tell women they couldn't put wallpaper up/put petrol in the car because it was too hard for them.

DoJo · 17/12/2014 17:51

Calling your husband cheap because he wanted to make a home made cake for your son is a surprising response - has he ever called you cheap for making them yourself in previous years?

Original poster

sandfish · 17/12/2014 17:52

Ok, blimey! I'll tell him I'm happy for him to make the cake. But he will have to understand I can't help him except from another room.

Just to make it absolutely clear I don't believe cake making is a gendered activity. I was being specific about my husband and his personal cooking skills. In theory of course he could follow a recipe, he is an intelligent man. Though he has never been one to play by the rules in general, more of an improviser which worries me a little. So we shall see. Interesting how many of you do indeed think making a cake is a piece of piss - you are clearly more talented than me not to be at all nervous of making a birthday cake that will be served at a party.

Thankfully most of the party peeps are good friends and will not care about the cake one way or another, and for that bit of perspective I thank this thread.

OP posts:

JuxaSnogUndertheMistletoe · 17/12/2014 17:54

DH can grill sausages, makes passable mash, and vile burgers. One year, when dd was about 7, she wanted to make me a birthday cake. DH duly 'helped' her (this involved doing it all himself, much to dd's chagrin) and let her decorate it. It was a lovely surprise!

The cake didn't rise, mind. But he'd bought decent ingredients and hadn't been too adventurous with flavourings, so it tasted fine.

So he might wind up with a pancake, but if he makes more sponge he can layer it, put different colourings in, and wind up with an edible concoction. Your son will be delighted, and his friends (if you're having a party) will enjoy all the different coloured layers inside.

Hope you feel better soon

DustInTheWind · 17/12/2014 17:54

You don't seem a very nice person OP, and your son's birthday shouldn't be an exercise in petty point-scoring against your husband.

YouSitOnAThroneOfLies · 17/12/2014 17:55

My first thought was the same as youreallbonkers
I was one of those that declared the DH a knob on the other thread, for laughing at his wifes attempt at a cake.
I now declare you, maybe not a knob, but certainly not very nice.
You won't/can't do it, but you don't want to let him in case it's not very good!?
What does it hurt to let him try? At least he wants to try, there are plenty of dads who don't!
Cake making for our kids is always a joint effort in my house.
Maybe use this as a bonding opportunity, he might help you more with it in the future.

Just because some of your early ones failed, doesn't mean his will either by the way, without sounding boastful or arrogant, I've never managed to cock up a cake!? Even in my teens on my first proper go.

Sounds like you don't want to hand over 'your job' And I could understand it if it was anyone other than the childs own father (my MIL used to try and butt in on cake making until I told her to sod off, it's my and DHs job to make birthday cake for our children)

pictish · 17/12/2014 17:57

I also think it's pretty hard to cock up a sponge.

YouSitOnAThroneOfLies · 17/12/2014 17:57

Oh, and if he does fail, then really do refrain from saying "I told you so" as he'll probably feel pants enough without it

DustInTheWind · 17/12/2014 17:58

'if he does fail, then really do refrain from saying "I told you so" as he'll probably feel pants enough without it'

She'll probably just smirk complacently and produce the shop-bought one with a little eye-roll as to how hopeless men are.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/12/2014 17:59

OP... Did you mean this to be light-hearted? It didn't really come across that way but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because you're pregnant.

But I'm secretly praying for your husband to do a blinder, so much so that your son wants only HIS cakes for all future birthdays...

Imagine how pleased you will be to have all this extra time on your hands...

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