AIBU to not want my husband to bake my son's birthday cake

[sandfish]

I like baking cakes and enjoy making special birthday cakes for my children. However, with my Son's birthday in 5 days time, I'm struggling with horrible morning (all day) sickness and can't bring myself to open the fridge to look for eggs most of the time let alone bake. I'd feel sad for my son if he didn't have a special cake for his party, so have found a recommended local cake making lady who might be able to make for me, for a fee naturally. Was about to book it, when mentioned the plan to my husband and he suddenly expressed a desire to bake the cake himself.

This would be all well and good if it were not for the fact that in the 20 years I have known him he has never baked a cake, nor shown any interest. I imagine I will need to end up standing over him trying not to be sick into the mixture. The result, even if edible, is not likely to be very exciting.

He is miffed with me and had gone out for a run in huff, because I suggested he was being cheap and not wanting to pay for it, and that he would need help with baking and I wasn't up to it. He is in a grump because apparently he thought it was a lovely gesture he had made, he wants to do it, and I 'think men are stupid and can't do anything'.

I'm peeved because he seems to think baking is so piss easy he can just knock out a fancy cake for son no bother, so clearly he doesn't value the efforts I put in to these things. And I think he just doesn't want to pay.

AIBU? Is he? Do I let him bake it and cack it right up just to prove a point? Or go ahead and order a cake anyway?

[Cockadoodledooo]

I was feeling sad I couldn't make the cake I wanted and took it out on him

Well done on admitting that. Have you admitted it to him too.

Totally understand btw.

[NotYouNaanBread]

YABU. Baking a cake is not rocket science. If he follows the instructions to the letter, then he will make a perfectly nice cake.

My DH makes my birthday cake every year, and what with the £16 worth of Green & Blacks-based chocolate ganache and 3 punnets of strawberries on top, nobody gives a shit what the actual cake under it is like, texture wise.

[Sarsparilla]

Why on earth wouldn't he be able to bake a cake??

My 3 year old can make a cake if I weigh out the ingredients beforehand, and put it in the oven. It doesn't have to be complicated, a simple recipe can still taste good.

OK, maybe it won't look particularly professional, but it's a nice thing for him to do.

He and the birthday boy can decorate it together maybe.

You don't live in a magazine shoot, it doesn't have to look perfect!

[flipwit]

Hi OP
I understand what you meant - pg sickness sucks and cakes are a big deal when DC are little and don't say oh please buy one from morrisons, please DON'T make one mum I hope his cake turns out well and you feel more human soon

[sonjadog]

You should post a photo of the cake when he is done so that we can all critique it.

[Flywheel]

Wow op. You're getting a really rough ride and taking it really graciously.
Op has reconsidered and the Dh is making the cake. I understand your initial concern. You obviously take pride in you're baking, and want your ds to have a nice cake. I think some posters are being really vile.
I hope it all works out, and like you say it's not the end of the world if it's not perfect.

[RattieBagTheOldHag]

Blardy hell Sandfish this is AIBU, so stop being so ruddy reasonable or you'll ruin it for us all.

Hope you feel better soon and that your DS has a lovely day.

[Viviennemary]

Let him have a go at baking the cake. If it's a disaster there's always the supermarket. Some have quite nice birthday cakes.

[YouSitOnAThroneOfLies]

I do hope you feel better soon, morning sickness is a bitch. And I'm pleased that your DH is doing the cake, but I stand by what I said, your overall tone, even in your replies, makes it sound like you are just waiting for him to fail, instead of having faith in him. You made it sound almost like 'how dare he make such an offer'
I don't blame him for going off in a huff.
However it's great that the two of you talked when he got back, and it's all going ahead.
I hope your DS has a lovely day, with or with out a perfect cake.
I hope the cake is a success, and not just to prove you wrong and make you feel bad for doubting him, I hope it's a success for your son, and it will make you feel better about his abilities.
And lets face it, if he didn't appreciate your cake making skills before, he bloody well will after making one himself! And seeing how much work goes into it

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

"Ha! If he makes a passable cake it will not threaten me in the slightest! Please note the language I used in my OP. He is miffed and I am a bit peeved. This is not a deep psychological or marital issue. I daresay we will move past this particular contretemps in time! The scars will not be deep."

I think you (on this post and all your others on this thread) are thinking of this from your own point of view and not really (not deeply, only superficially) considering your DH's. If my DH thought of me the way you clearly think of your husband, I would seriously be re-assessing my marriage, as I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who thought I was tight, incompetent, bound to fail and just not generally up to their standard. It stands out to me reading this, you genuinely think he will cock this up and it won't be up to your standard. Are you sure your DH doesn't realise this? How would he feel if you showed him this thread?

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Thanks for the updates op. I think you are getting a really rough ride on this thread.
It's pretty normal to assume that there is a good chance the cake won't be great of the cook has no previous experience of baking I've had a few shockers myself even after a few years worth or practice

I hope the party and the cake go well (awaiting picture) and congrats on the pregnancy

[Flywheel]

Fucking hell. She doubted his baking skills, and now her marriage is in trouble.
Ignore the ridiculous posts op.

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

Bloody hell, why are people saying "LET him". He's an adult not a child!

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

yesIdid I think people meant "let him" as in a casual let him go for it. I don't think anyone was implying the dh has to be specifically "allowed to bake" by the op.

[MonstrousRatbag]

OK, give him Delia Smith's 'chuck it all in one bowl and mix it' recipe. Practically foolproof. Remind him to grease and line the tin though.

[sandfish]

Well this was an interesting experience. I actually asked the question as i was wondering if I was being unreasonable. (like, you know, wot I thought the board was for!)
Got my answer (yes, you are)
Changed my mind.
Most of you were very kind and helpful and took the trouble to post your experiences and explain your opinions.
My husband was nowhere near as cross with me as some of you appear to be. He's great.
Wish I didn't feel so bloody useless right now everything makes me want to vom. Even typing the word Eggs. Gross.
Thanks all.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Flywheel
I'm as bemused as you about the way this thread has gone.

OP - AIBU?
MN - YABU!
OP - OK, I accept what you say and I've apologised to DH
MN - Look we said YABU!!
OP - Err yes - I've accepted that.
MN - You clearly hate your DH ... YABU!!!!!!!!!!! etc.

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

Whenshewasbad, I think people are using it as in the "allowed" sense!

[daisychain01]

My DP does all our cooking so if I dared to hint that he couldn't bake I'd be told to sit in the corner, stay out of his kitchen and get back to Mumsnetting

Yay fine by me coz he is a better cook than me! more time for MNing

Why don't you suggest a good recipe and put your feet up.

And the deal is he gets to do the clearing up afterwards too!

[daisychain01]

Oops xposted OP

You DH sounds like a sweetie!

[UmizoomiThis]

Some people really don't bother reading all of the posts by the OP before jumping in with their opinion.

[BringYourOwnSnowman]

Dd made her own cake for her 4th birthday. Although daddy did help! We have decided this will be the ongoing tradition as she was so proud of herself and it was decorated to her tastes!!

[sandfish]

Thinking about it, I might ask him to cook Xmas dinner as well!

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

yesIdid love the name

I read it as more of a "stand back and watch the chaos" as this is what would happen if my dh attempted a cake.

I'm clearly a complete bitch as I would secretly laugh my ass of once my dh found out baking a cake isn't all that easy.
(It is if you know what you are doing but you have to admit there are pitfalls).

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

sandfish, whatever he cooks, please please don't vomit on it once he's served it up....it might be the final nail in the coffin