AIBU to not want my husband to bake my son's birthday cake

[sandfish]

I like baking cakes and enjoy making special birthday cakes for my children. However, with my Son's birthday in 5 days time, I'm struggling with horrible morning (all day) sickness and can't bring myself to open the fridge to look for eggs most of the time let alone bake. I'd feel sad for my son if he didn't have a special cake for his party, so have found a recommended local cake making lady who might be able to make for me, for a fee naturally. Was about to book it, when mentioned the plan to my husband and he suddenly expressed a desire to bake the cake himself.

This would be all well and good if it were not for the fact that in the 20 years I have known him he has never baked a cake, nor shown any interest. I imagine I will need to end up standing over him trying not to be sick into the mixture. The result, even if edible, is not likely to be very exciting.

He is miffed with me and had gone out for a run in huff, because I suggested he was being cheap and not wanting to pay for it, and that he would need help with baking and I wasn't up to it. He is in a grump because apparently he thought it was a lovely gesture he had made, he wants to do it, and I 'think men are stupid and can't do anything'.

I'm peeved because he seems to think baking is so piss easy he can just knock out a fancy cake for son no bother, so clearly he doesn't value the efforts I put in to these things. And I think he just doesn't want to pay.

AIBU? Is he? Do I let him bake it and cack it right up just to prove a point? Or go ahead and order a cake anyway?

[DoubleValiumLattePlease]

YABVVVU - I feel quite sure that any idiot could bake a cake following the basic 6/4/4/2 with very very soft butter/margarine and a tsp of baking powder. All in one, mix, whack in tin, in oven, done. Honestly - it's foolproof - thanks Nigella! - and as for icing it - that requires no special skill really.
Let him do it and stop being protective of your 'skill'.

[HoHonutty]

Me and DS1 made DS2 s 2nd birthday cake. It was Thomas the tank engine. DS1 wanted to be chief decorater. We still piss ourselves looking at the photo 13 years later but DS2 loved it.

[JennyBlueWren]

YABU Let him do it.
Doesn't matter if it's rubbish -it's not like the children will starve. My brother made my nephew's cake (even though I could have done much better). It looked rubbish and was rather chewy but his son loved it and he was so pleased to have made it.

Mum always made amazing cakes. She was ill on my 15th so I made my own. It wasn't anywhere near as impressive but I was proud of doing it myself.

[Heypesto]

The most special birthday cake I ever had was my 18th birthday cake, baked by my father who in my experience had never baked a thing in his life. It was dry, rather flat and not really decorated but I loved it and him for what it represented. It's one of my really treasured memories of my late DF.

Please let your DH bake the cake, no matter how it turns out. It's the love that goes into it that counts.

[sandfish]

Thanks to those posting lovely stories of how children liked cakes that didn't go to plan. I like those posts.

[DustInTheWind]

My children are taking the Christmas dinner with relatives on board this year.
The pair of them will be cooking, decorating and baking and whatnot for us, grandparents and various cousins and aunties and uncles.
It may go wrong, it may go fantastically. There will be no sniggering and sneering or unwanted interfering from me, I appreciate the sentiment and so will the rest of the mob.

[JennyBlueWren]

Sorry Sandfish, I didn't read all the comments first and realised that you've had a rethink. Also if it might make them appreciate your cake skills more.

[nevergooglebrandybutter]

you are being a misery. although having been ill with hyperemesis this time last year, i totally appreciate how you are feeliing right now. you want to do it, but you just can't right now.

he wants to do it. i'm sure he's perfectly capable. introduce him to pinterest, help with the recipe if he would like you to, and encourage from the sidelines but don't stand over him. throw in an apology if you bear it.

[sandfish]

You have reminded me of the reason I wanted a home made cake for my children's birthdays in the first place, which had got rather lost perhaps. Of course homemade can be Daddy's cake. He's just come back and agreed he will do it, he says he doesn't really want to but wants DS to have a homemade cake because that's what we've always done. So there we are. So many helpful posters on here helping me get perspective it makes it easy to ignore those with less kind intent.

[purplemurple1]

I've never baked and managed a 3 layer pound cake with ganach for my kids birthday. Everyone ate it and no one got sick. Surely he could just do something simple like that.

[MokunMokun]

It'll be fine. It's hard being laid-up and not being able to do the things you want to I do sympathise with you and I don't think you are a horrible person or anything.

My 3 year old daughter and I followed a cake recipe on YouTube the other day. It's a lot easier to watch and copy. It tasted great by the way :)

[cardibach]

I don't see anyone with unkind intent, OP, just some who express their incredulity at your response more forcefully than others. I'm glad you have changed your mind, but I still see evidence from you and others of assuming he will fail. Please don't do that. It really isn't very nice or supportive of your DH.

[MokunMokun]

My fail safe plan is to get the DC to help. That way when it looks like shite you can just say that DC helped and everyone will be very impressed.

[redskybynight]

I think it's ironic that there's another thread running here where OP has made a cake, despite not being the best baker, her DH has laughed at it and everyone has waded in to say how unreasonable he is being. Yet reverse the genders and the homemade cake by poor baker is now a figure of fun

[YouSitOnAThroneOfLies]

Thanks to those posting lovely stories of how children liked cakes that didn't go to plan. I like those posts.

You like these posts because you are STILL expecting your husband to fail.
I wonder if he realises how little faith you have in him

Perhaps I was unkind in my posts, but quite frankly OP you are not coming across any better!

[YouSitOnAThroneOfLies]

Am I the only one REALLY hoping that DHs cake is a spectacular success!?
Not that we'd know about it as OP doesn't seem the type to come back and admit she was wrong tbh

[ClimbingFramePlanningEnquiry]

No, Yousit, you're not the only one.

But I agree, we'd never hear about it if when it is.

[sandfish]

Cardibach. I am not assuming he will fail, merely considering it as a possibility. The crux of the matter has come down to, if he does fail, does it matter. After consideration, and reading comments and stories here, no it really doesn't matter.

Furthermore, where have I said that I suggested to him he was incapable? Actually I didn't say that. He jumped to that conclusion. Perhaps I need to be concerned why he feels that way but I didn't disparage his abilities and wouldn't actually, whatever the result. I'd love it if he did more cooking.

I did say he might be being cheap. This is only because he tends to the thrifty even when it is not necessary to be so. It was probably a bit mean of me. Think he will forgive me, he knows what he is like.

I was just worrying about my DS having a nice cake for his party. Simple as that really.

[MinceSpy]

OP what gives you the right to try and stop your son's father from baking a cake? It might be a disaster but he is prepared to try. You sound a bit precious but morning sickness is the pits. Let him try.

[Cockadoodledooo]

YABU. And a bit of a cow actually. Why do you assume he'll fail? That he's not capable of doing it without supervision?
I'd be pretty pissed off if it were me.

[sandfish]

Yousit

Cooee! Am here. Still posting. Have admitted:

I was wrong to worry about him making a simple cake when, if he does actually follow the recipe it will be fine, probably.

I was wrong to stress about getting a 'nice cake' when a cake made with love is more important

I was wrong to not see the benefit of my husband doing more baking and cooking and the beneficial role model for my children.

I was wrong to worry about what the party friends with think about the cake

I was wrong and mean to suspect him of wanting to save money

I was oversensitive in thinking he didn't appreciate my efforts in the past.

I was feeling sad I couldn't make the cake I wanted and took it out on him.

I have apologised to him. He has agreed to make the cake.

If you really care so much, which I doubt, I promise to update!

[Cockadoodledooo]

I was just worrying about my DS having a nice cake for his party. Not 'letting' your Dh do it does seem like you don't trust him not to cock it up, so yep, it does seem like you're assuming he'd fail.

[MarianneSolong]

Hooray!

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

sandfish
I think you have taken on board what people have said. You want your DS to have a great birthday and it is easy to mix up perfect with special. The day and the cake doesn't have to be perfect to be special.

It shows how much you and DH actually care. You wanted your DS to have a good time even though you feel like rubbish. Your DH was prepared to step out of his comfort zone to have a go at baking a cake so your DS wasn't let down.

[ClimbingFramePlanningEnquiry]

Sand fish, you say in your OP that you told your dh he would need your help, and you're not up to standing over him. If that snt expressing that you think he is incapable, I don't know what is.