Dear Lost Jenny,
What words can anyone say? You are living out what all mothers fear the most. You are young and it's unfair and it's cruel. It's just shit really.
I have a little story about my own father who died 10 years ago. But he was a little boy when he lost his own father.
By rights he should not have had any memories of him really. But because of stories, small keepsakes, photgraphs, this grandfather of mine has become this quiet storm, a large figure in such an understated way. He died in the 1930s in Nazi Germany so not only did they not have a lot of memorabilia to hand down to my dad- this was pre backups and clouds, etc so photos were precious and rare and a lot was lost forever when the family fled.
So if you can believe me, love and legacy remain through word of mouth of those who love you. You will be celebrated, you will be remembered... it's not perhaps the solution you were looking for, but as a fellow human spending time on this glorious blue planet, I can promise you that your little one, who comes from you and is of you, will want to know you and yes, she will love you, this is a promise, a given. She will live a life and this will be her time and this gift of living is hers because of you.
My aunt is 95 years old. My father passed away 10 years ago. When my brother went to see her recently, she handed him a photograph of the father she lost as a little girl. And then tears rolled down her face and she asked if she could please just hang onto it for the short remainer of her life. When she is gone, my brother will have this photograph of a man who, like you,
feared so much that he would be forgotten by his children. If only he could see how much he is talked about and celebrated.
We never forget. We are driven by love and guided by legacies.
Prayers to you for peace, for time, for hope.