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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

give it to me straight - am I entitled over inheritance or are my parents selfish

447 replies

twoopsie · 14/12/2014 12:13

To cut a long story short. My parents are very well off,dad is on a final salary pension and mum draws a state pension. They have a 5 bed Edwardian house in the south east, 2 buy to let flats owned outright, and from my dads side they inherited the family farm that is let out to four different people / businesses.

They have an income after tax of 8k a month and spend money stupidly. Dad bought a Mercedes purely to drive to the golf course as the clubs won't fit in the ferrari. 4 exotic holidays a year. Spend more on an extension than my whole house cost.

Anyway good for them but they have told me that they don't intend to leave me anything as they have earnt everything and want me to do the same. Firstly they haven't earnt everything as they inherited , mum has had state pension for more years than she worked and dad got to retire early on a final salary pension. They happy take extras like the free bus pass so the car won't get scratched in town and talk about using the winter fuel allowance to buy wine and claim theyve worked for this and are entitled to them.

Aibu to at least expect them to pass on what they were lucky enough to inherit?

OP posts:
simbacatlivesagain · 14/12/2014 15:31

My house sold for £4000 in 1970. A teacher earned about £2000. It sold for £570,000 in 20006- a teacher earnt about £32k. It would now sell for £830,000 and a teacher earns about £35,000.

We dont live in the same world as our parents did.

ConferencePear · 14/12/2014 15:32

There's no telling how much they will leave. Suppose one or both of them has a long-term illness which results in massive expenditure. Perhaps they will expect you to give up work to look after them.
It's much too early for them to be certain they'll have anything left by the time they die.

2of3 · 14/12/2014 15:35

It's their money they can do what they want with it. They can leave it all to charity if they so wish to.

I assume that they provided for you when you were young and give you all the tools to do well in life.

You should forget about what they have and try to make the best life you can. Stop coveting other people's wealth, even if they are your parents.

campingfilth · 14/12/2014 15:35

I think they are selfish too and I really don't get this attitude of not wanting to help your children/grandchildren. Horrible, horrible attitude.

Nomama · 14/12/2014 15:38

Camping... really?

Can you not see that children/grandchildren look at parents/grandparents and costing them up is also horrible?

GoodKingQuintless · 14/12/2014 15:39

How did you even end up discussing that?

mumeeee · 14/12/2014 15:52

YABU noone should actually expect an inheritance and it shouldn't really be discussed now. The reason I say this is because there is not any inheritance at the moment it is just your parents money which they are entitled to spend however they like, Any inheritance only comes into play after your parents have died.

specialsubject · 14/12/2014 15:53

they contributed to the pensions, I expect.

now, they don't need to leave you anything but they may well leave something - it depends if they need a care home or similar. So they need to make wills and appoint executors. If they die intestate then you actually get the inheritance anyway if this is England/Wales.

thus if they want you not to inherit, they need to make arrangements. And in that case you may wish to ask them to find another executor!

where they want to leave the money is their call.

campingfilth · 14/12/2014 15:58

I'm not saying that its nice to 'cost up' your parents but I don't understand why as a parent you wouldn't want to leave all your money to your children and help them out.

I think it is horrible to think 'actually I'd rather leave everything I own to anything/anyone than my own children'. I am not at all bothered if I get anything when my mum dies as I would rather she spend it on herself now but if she deliberately left it to others rather than me and my siblings then that is hurtful.

Andrewofgg · 14/12/2014 16:03

twoopsie If they live in England or Wales you will not be able to contest the will merely because they leave you nothing. Please don't believe PPs who think you can.

If you can show that you need something for your maintenance you may be onto something but litigation of that sort (Inheritance (Family Provision) Act) by able-boded independent adult offspring is not encouraged and nor should it be.

JessieMcJessie · 14/12/2014 16:05

Sorry if I misses this, but what are they doing with the money if not leaving to you? Cats'home?

Nomama · 14/12/2014 16:06

It's all about choice though.

If your daughter started to demand or list stuff would you still feel like making a will in her favour?

If your parents chose to spend their own money and to enjoy their retirement, would you begrudge it?

I really don't think OPs mum has said they have made a will and cut her out. I suspect that, like mine, she said something about enjoying what they have and being determined to spend what they have earned. More of a "Don't expect an inheritance love, me and your dad are working hard to spend the lot" than a "We have cut you out so fuck off".

PedlarsSpanner · 14/12/2014 16:07

I dunno. State pension for your mother, well she worked and paid in, how fab that she has lived so long, longer in retirement, you say, than the years she worked.*

Your dad, well, he would have paid in to the final salary scheme, sensible fellow, non?

So they HAVE earnt their pensions.

Inheriting the family farm was a lucky break, I grant you. Being a landlord to four businesses, plus two flats, not easy unless you hoofover £££ to agents.

So imo, yanbu to be put out that an opportunity to inherit family farm is off the table. Yabu to have had great expectations. But at least you know now, no terrible shock when they die.

*my Poppa retired at age 65, in the July. By the following March he was dead. Just for perspective.

Coyoacan · 14/12/2014 16:09

No more OP I see.

I personally think that "expecting" an inheritance is very personally harmful for the person expecting it. I have known so many people fall out with brothers and sisters or just suffer a major let-down because of such expectations.

Getting an inheritance is lovely of course.

Mammanat222 · 14/12/2014 16:15

Kind of sounds like the apple hasn't fallen too far from the tree with the OP and her parents.

She is upset as they are not willing to "give" her what they have been given. The irony is too much.

StrattersThePreciousSnowflake · 14/12/2014 16:22

Actually, I think OP has a fair point, and her parents are being hypocritical and rather mean.

diddl · 14/12/2014 16:29

Are you sure that they aren't winding you up?

They have to go some to not only get through their monthly incomings but 4 properties as well!

ScrambledEggAndToast · 14/12/2014 16:32

Assuming you are telling the full story then, yes, they are being very unreasonable. I can't see why any parent who gets on well will their child wouldn't want to help them out. Contest the will if you have to.

ocelot41 · 14/12/2014 16:37

Just checking back on this thread after a few hours away. Am struck by how often people mention the luck of the previous generation - and yes, luck might be used to describe the kind of family you were born into, the state of your health etc. But the biggest factor in the whole shebang has been a bunch of greedy, corrupt bankers who took ridiculous risks and pitched the whole world into an economic crisis ...and (by and large) who got away with it.

It wasn't all luck people, it was (and is) gross injustice.

plugs The Inside Job to anyone who will listen

Apologies for a semi thread derail. Ahem. As you were...

ElkTheory · 14/12/2014 16:39

Your parents are being extremely hypocritical. They sound like the worst sort of self-satisfied drips who bore their dinner companions to tears by expounding on how much they have achieved (conveniently forgetting how much they received without working for it).

But you are also being breathtakingly entitled. No, you have no right to an inheritance. It isn't your money.

diddl · 14/12/2014 16:43

So they both worked such that they have a 5 bed house & two flats?

The farm was inherited & they currently rent it out?

So do you think that they should have passed the farm/the money they earn from it to you?

Only time will tell if they do leave it to you!

But it sounds as if they have done pretty well for themselves without the inheritance!

raltheraffe · 14/12/2014 16:43

My parents had a 300k house and dad had a lucrative private pension. I will never see a penny of it and what is worse when I was very ill with bipolar they convinced me to sell my house, put the proceeds into their bank account to help me with budgeting and then sodded off out the country leaving me on the streets. When I asked my mum why she did it she said I did not deserve any money as I was too lazy to work. I had been doing 80 hour shifts without sleep as a junior doc but they sacked me unfairly when I got bipolar (I also stupidly signed over the tribunal payout) and following that I was too depressed to work.
Mum now dead and dad claims he has spent everything and is a straw man living in France. Bullshit! You cannot spend over £500k in 6 years and have NOTHING to show for it. Reckon the cash is hiding in a bank account or has all been given to my perfect sister.
I fucking hate the lot of them.

BigRedBall · 14/12/2014 16:48

raltheraff that's terrible!! Can't you do something about this? Discuss it with a solicitor? I can't believe parents would do that to their own flesh and blood. Shock.

whitechocolatestars · 14/12/2014 16:50

If they have an income of 8k per month and that many properties they will be hard pressed to spend all of it surely?

If there really is a risk of that, I would personally be having the conversation about how they will be looked after in the event they need care in twenty years time after they've poured their millions down the drain

Or if they are insistent on spending it perhaps you could encourage them to do something a bit more fulfilling like sponsor specific people / places / organisations or charities.

Floisme · 14/12/2014 16:54

I don't understand any parent not wanting to help out their children but I also find your attitude a bit obnoxious. So I'm stuck on the fence.