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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

give it to me straight - am I entitled over inheritance or are my parents selfish

447 replies

twoopsie · 14/12/2014 12:13

To cut a long story short. My parents are very well off,dad is on a final salary pension and mum draws a state pension. They have a 5 bed Edwardian house in the south east, 2 buy to let flats owned outright, and from my dads side they inherited the family farm that is let out to four different people / businesses.

They have an income after tax of 8k a month and spend money stupidly. Dad bought a Mercedes purely to drive to the golf course as the clubs won't fit in the ferrari. 4 exotic holidays a year. Spend more on an extension than my whole house cost.

Anyway good for them but they have told me that they don't intend to leave me anything as they have earnt everything and want me to do the same. Firstly they haven't earnt everything as they inherited , mum has had state pension for more years than she worked and dad got to retire early on a final salary pension. They happy take extras like the free bus pass so the car won't get scratched in town and talk about using the winter fuel allowance to buy wine and claim theyve worked for this and are entitled to them.

Aibu to at least expect them to pass on what they were lucky enough to inherit?

OP posts:
HamPortCourt · 14/12/2014 13:06

YABVU

It's their money and if they want to spend it then they can.

People who sit around waiting for their parents to die so they can get their grubby hands on "their fair share" give me the creeps.

TheHoneyBadger · 14/12/2014 13:07

just point out that given they think they are totally independent and shouldn't be expected to do a thing for you and yours you assume they aren't expecting you to do anything for them either?

given their attitude they presumably would never want you to care for them if one is left behind and in ill health.

CaptainAnkles · 14/12/2014 13:09

I don't understand people like this. Why would you deliberately spend money on stuff you really don't need or even want purely so your child can't have it? I know a woman quite like this - she inherited quite a bit of money and intends to spend it all before she dies rather than leave any to her children. I find it bizarre. She didn't earn it but was lucky enough to get it from her parents, but has no intention of giving her kids slightly easier or more pleasant lives. Confused

ocelot41 · 14/12/2014 13:12

I don't expect anything from my parents but if I had stinking rich parents who deliberately decided not to leave me of the grandkids anything in such hard times purely to make a point I would be mighty hurt. YANBU

Suzannewithaplan · 14/12/2014 13:13

I don't think selfish is the right word, selfish implies putting their needs above yours, once dead they no longer exist and therefore do not have needs

Nomama · 14/12/2014 13:14

I don't get it?

Why is it unreasonable for anyone to spend/use their assets exactly as they wish?

Why do parents have to work, scrimp, save to set up their kids? Why??

As adults you do what you want with what you have. If you want to support adult kids then do so, but don't feel obliged... flip side is don't expect to receive.

Given what my parents have had, what assets they have earned I suppose I could have spent much of my life anticipating an inheritance. But I haven't and would be very surprised if I got more than a token, family photos etc.

skinnyamericano · 14/12/2014 13:15

My DF has always wanted me to be independent, and doesn't want me to have a standard of living I can't afford just because he has worked hard. I agree, although sometimes I think he could help me out! So I do understand their attitude.

However, seeing as their money in largely inherited, I think their plans are awful. It seems that your grandparents believed in inheritance, therefore your parents should continue with their wishes.

Not sure what you can do about it though. I guess you may get a surprise when you see the will.

TidyDancer · 14/12/2014 13:17

I'm normally one to say you shouldn't expect anything, but I think their attitude is heartless. I doubt it's really about the money for you, op. Am I right? It's the stinking hypocrisy of having inherited a significant portion of their wealth and income and still having their horrid attitude towards leaving you something.

Unless there is a massive backstory of you being reckless etc, then YANBU and their attitude is cruel.

Who are they planning on leaving their money to?

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 14/12/2014 13:20

I come from poor stock, where inheritances tend to be a few grand, and get very annoyed with my sister's demands to inherit as much as possible from our mother. She goes apeshit whenever Mum decides to spend something on herself. This, however, is a totally different league from you and your parents. They sound quite bonkers! You're not trying to limit or control their outlays and, as you say, they themselves have benefited from inheritance.

I agree that you're fully entitled to fall around laughing when they give you the 'worked hard for it all' speech and to point out the error of their delusions. Just in case you find you're not entitled to inherit anything, I'd also suggest lining up a very good solicitor.

funnyossity · 14/12/2014 13:20

Nomama I agree and yet I find it odd where a family inheritance (the farm) has been passed down the previous generation, to then not pass that on.

Suzannewithaplan · 14/12/2014 13:21

No one is suggesting that the parents shouldn't do exactly as they please with their money and assets while they are alive.
If they blow it all on fast living or whatever then good for them.
What seems cruel is saying to your kids 'if there's anything left when we die it won't be left to you '?

cece · 14/12/2014 13:22

Let's hope they don't need to go into care homes for years and years of expensive care that mean they have spent all of their money before they die...

FantasticRik · 14/12/2014 13:25

When I saw your title OP I immediately thought YABU however, after reading your post I've changed my mind.

Whilst I agree you shouldn't 'expect' anything inheritance-wise, they sound extremely mean. Who will they leave thee properties to? Have you any siblings?

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 14/12/2014 13:27

They sound awful and a bit thick. Sorry I know it's your parents but they do.

Legodino · 14/12/2014 13:27

I think its a shame they won't pass the farm down after all it's a family asset.

I could never do what your parents are doing

HopeNope · 14/12/2014 13:31

Gosh your parents sound really selfish and who would do that to their own child?!

daisychain01 · 14/12/2014 13:33

Please try if you can not to let it eat away at you OP. If it weren't for that money, do you otherwise have a happy relationship with them? Or are they rubbing your nose in it, how much they are spending it?

If you have an otherwise strong relationship, I would suggest you try to put it all to one side and not let it get in the way of you enjoying their company. OTOH, if they are rubbing your nose in it, then that's a separate more toxic issue that does speak to selfish parental behaviour.

FWIW, my DP and I never ever discuss wills, or what we are leaving anyone, and no-one would dream of mentioning the subject in front of us, it is a non-subject and we wouldn't let it develop. We have created wills which will become available after our demise, but everyone has a different concept of what is "fair".

Meanwhile relationships come first, I know it has the potential of being a massive bone of contention, as soon as people start saying "we're leaving you this that and the other in our will" - why would anyone do that??? its a great way of trashing relationships IMO.

Sorry you are feeling so bad about it all Flowers

redexpat · 14/12/2014 13:35

I'd be annoyed and upset too. But as others have said, it's their choice.

I don't understand not wanting to help your children along the way as you were helped, or not as the case may be. I've opened accounts for DS and will for DD just as soon as we register her and have some ID.

Bogeyface · 14/12/2014 13:36

So what are they planning on doing with it? Have they said?

Whether anyone has a right to expect an inheritance is not the point, I would be very hurt by it and tbh a bit angry at the comment about "working" for everything when clearly they didnt.

I wouldnt be able to help myself saying "Well you didnt work for your inheritance did you? Grandma and Grandad worked for that!"

daisychain01 · 14/12/2014 13:37

Anyway good for them but they have told me that they don't intend to leave me anything as they have earnt everything and want me to do the same why would any parent say that??

OK I know people like Bill Gates, Sting etc are showed off said to the press how their DCs won't get any of their money - but, honestly, that whole approach defies belief !!

Chalalala · 14/12/2014 13:40

you are not entitled to their money, it is theirs to do as they wish

you are however entitled to call them out on their hypocrisy, because yes, they do sound like they were spoiled rotten by life.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 14/12/2014 13:41

You have no right to their money and are being completely unreasonable to expect that you do just because they are your parents. If they want to spend their money on frivolous things, that is their right. Whether they "earned" it or not, it is their money.

I work in civil litigation and one of the aspects of that work is estate litigation - grabby, entitled individuals thinking their "rights" override the wishes of the deceased.

funnyossity · 14/12/2014 13:41

I thought even Bill and Melinda Gates will provide a legacy for their kids but will not pass on the burden of a massive fortune?

PrincessFudgeBonnet · 14/12/2014 13:43

YABU to "expect" anything. YANBU to be offended by the comment about working for it.

JassyRadlett · 14/12/2014 13:58

I tend to think that anyone who did well in the previous decades who bangs on about younger people today needing to 'earn it like [we] did' is talking utter bollocks and needs to be slightly more aware of the way the world has changed.

And I say this as someone who's worked very hard for everything I've got, as did my parents. But we all recognise we were lucky. People who've done well but don't acknowledge that luck played a significant role alongside hard work strike me as absolutely disgusting.