give it to me straight - am I entitled over inheritance or are my parents selfish

[twoopsie]

To cut a long story short. My parents are very well off,dad is on a final salary pension and mum draws a state pension. They have a 5 bed Edwardian house in the south east, 2 buy to let flats owned outright, and from my dads side they inherited the family farm that is let out to four different people / businesses.

They have an income after tax of 8k a month and spend money stupidly. Dad bought a Mercedes purely to drive to the golf course as the clubs won't fit in the ferrari. 4 exotic holidays a year. Spend more on an extension than my whole house cost.

Anyway good for them but they have told me that they don't intend to leave me anything as they have earnt everything and want me to do the same. Firstly they haven't earnt everything as they inherited , mum has had state pension for more years than she worked and dad got to retire early on a final salary pension. They happy take extras like the free bus pass so the car won't get scratched in town and talk about using the winter fuel allowance to buy wine and claim theyve worked for this and are entitled to them.

Aibu to at least expect them to pass on what they were lucky enough to inherit?

I cannot do anything as they do not live in the country so cannot go to small claims. I have been told I could take a lawsuit out in France, but this would be very costly and would be impossible to enforce as dad lives in a rented flat and would just move.
The cash must be SOMEWHERE. When they moved to France they were in a rented house for 600 Euro a month. They have not bought any cars (they stole my Volvo to drive out the country) and have not had any nice holidays I am aware of. So it must be somewhere, I suspect they gave it to my sister, but I have no clue. My uncle is a retired accountant and he advised I write it off. I trust him as he is a genuine person and very clever when it comes to money.

I think they've got a massive cheek and very selfish. Telling you to expect nothing. I'd just go no contact in your position. They are entitled to their pensions and houses and whatever they have. If they don't want to leave you a penny then fine. Why should you bother with them if that's their attitude.

In the UK there is protection in criminal law against abuse of a vulnerable adult but the police said they could not do jack as the perpetrators do not live in the UK and would be impossible to extradite.
My dad is returning to the UK tomorrow to see perfect sister, but even if I go to the police I doubt they will arrest him.

I think they are incomprehensibly mean, how horrible of them!

I will tell my children to expect nothing, in reality they will all be left sonething but I want them to find their own way in the world.

I would rather that my parents spent their money on themselves than hoarding it for me.

So I do think that you come across as over entitled

Look, no one is "entitled" to anything.

But I find it bizarre when parents who are loaded don't want to help their children. I would do anything for my children. And if I was in a similar position to the op's parents I would be passing on some of my wealth now tbh.

But that's just me. I don't understand people who want their children to make their own way in life if they can help in some way.

They are being imprudent, but you will still inherit the property. I'm very pro accumulation of wealth from generation to generation, but I don't think they are obliged to save their income for your inheritance. You will do very well out of the property, and that is sufficient. If they were mortgaging the property to blow the money on wine, that would be different.

Only those who depend on someone can make an after death claim to the courts for a bit of a share. Adult children are not entitled to anything. Anyway as you know the state seizes 40% at death from people with their amount of assets. No reason they should give you the 60% though. It shows good parenting to make children stand on their own two feet.

The better question might why do you earn less than your father did? Was it because of poor career choice or sexism?

I want them to make their own way in the world because that is what we had to do and it has been good for us. We are strong, independent and determined people because we have had to do it ourselves.

In reality I would help them but I don't want them to assume as such

Children who anticipate or expect a decent inheritance have less incentive to succeed - O.K, this is a generalisation but you get the gist. Having the motivation & work ethic to 'do well' generally comes from when you have nothing to lose and all to gain. YABU to expect a legacy. YANBU to expect fairness i.e equality regarding treatment amongst siblings but that's a different topic!

I think this generation statistically earn less than their parents did and our kids will definitely earn less than us.
my parents went to university for free and saw their house shoot up in value and had fantastic pension plans.
however, my dad died in an accident at a young age and my mum may be financially well off but she'd rather be poor and have a husband.
I dont know where I stand on this...my mum has always tried her best and I fully intend to care for her and have her live with me when the time comes.
is that the kind of relationship you have with your psrents op? If so I am surprised they aren't leaving you anything,but what can you do?

That's crap raltheraffe, really crap. What horrible human beings. You're better off without them in your life.

Except where there are family trusts set up by a previous generation - what's yours is yours until you go, and you can in principle do what you like with what IHT does not take first. Sorry OP but you sound entitled.

i don't buy this unreasonable to expect anything business. i chose to bring my son into the world and create his life. i chose to become a family person and to tie myself for life to that. why on earth would he not expect upon my demise that i'd left my assets to him? how is that unreasonable of him to expect that a mother would leave what she had to her child and their children - the line that she chose to create ffs.

i realise it's probably very 'right on' to say you expect nothing but of course it's not unreasonable to think it likely that your parents will leave their leftover assets to their own children.

i don't expect anything from my parents btw but that is to do with the fact i haven't been able to expect anything normal from them in my life so i don't expect it to change in death.

Of course some of those posters saying that you should leave adult children children to fend for themselves can say so only after spending hundreds of thousands (£25k per year?) on their education

My mum died when I was 13 and my Dad subsequently went without to give me an inheritance of a princely £15k, which paid the deposit on our house, bought a car, installed double glazing and paid for one holiday (I am only child and that was all he had). He gave me a great start - we still live in the house 20+ years later, and still benefit from trading in old car since the original one he bought, and still have the double glazing! So although he never knew my children, I feel he is contributing to their well-being.

That's how parents and children should be, I looked after him, he looked after me, we argued constantly for years but nonetheless, we had an obligation to each other, we had a debt of kindness. I cannot wait to give my children every penny I can lay my hands on regardless of my circumstances, as long as it does not leave me destitute. I am constantly amazed that people manage to knock out kids, be reasonably intelligent, and not understand that this is what they are required to do.

Why on earth do some people think it's seemly to talk to their parents about their inheritance or what they choose to spend their own money on? Anyone would think the children were wishing their parents dead. Well, maybe they are. For shame!

Your parents are being extremely hypocritical. They sound like the worst sort of self-satisfied drips who bore their dinner companions to tears by expounding on how much they have achieved (conveniently forgetting how much they received without working for it)

I expect this attitude has a great deal to do with the following one.

But you are also being breathtakingly entitled. No, you have no right to an inheritance. It isn't your money

Apples and trees come to mind

To all the people saying giving inheritance will stop me working, if either of my parents make it to the average age then I won't get a anything until I'm 60, so I can hardly live on dust for almost 20 years. Dad retired at 55 and mum basically retired at 40 when I moved out.

All I expected is to inherit what they did.

And to the person saying why don't I earn more? Ffs you have no clue. I have a household income that is probably equal now to 3 times what my parents had at my age. The poster talking about teachers pay and houses had it spot on.

"All I expected is to inherit what they did."

but maybe you will!

Have you seen their wills so that you know for sure that they intend to leave you nothing?

I think it's fair enough that children shouldn't 'expect' to inherit from their parents. Parents shouldn't feel obliged to hold back huge chunks of money for their children to inherit.

However, I also think children whose parents leave all the proceeds from their sizeable estates to the local donkey sancturary to 'teach their children a valuable life lesson about self-sufficiency' have every right to feel utterly pissed off.

So, YABU or YANBU depending on the situation.

I think the fact that my children will probably be approaching retirement when I die is just one further reason for my children not to count on anything. In reality it will come at the right time for my grandchildren.

But with at least 7 children that could mean sharing our estate between 7 adults and potentially more than 14 grand children. It is not going to go far.

I could however leave an amount to a local charity that would make a big difference to them.

YANBU, they sound really selfish. I want to provide a very good inheritance to my DC to give them a good helping hand in life _ I would have thought that would be the instinctive thing for a parent to want to do.

It is instinctive for me to want to help my children develop the qualities that will help them lead happy lives, hopefully that feel secure and free from poverty.