give it to me straight - am I entitled over inheritance or are my parents selfish

[twoopsie]

To cut a long story short. My parents are very well off,dad is on a final salary pension and mum draws a state pension. They have a 5 bed Edwardian house in the south east, 2 buy to let flats owned outright, and from my dads side they inherited the family farm that is let out to four different people / businesses.

They have an income after tax of 8k a month and spend money stupidly. Dad bought a Mercedes purely to drive to the golf course as the clubs won't fit in the ferrari. 4 exotic holidays a year. Spend more on an extension than my whole house cost.

Anyway good for them but they have told me that they don't intend to leave me anything as they have earnt everything and want me to do the same. Firstly they haven't earnt everything as they inherited , mum has had state pension for more years than she worked and dad got to retire early on a final salary pension. They happy take extras like the free bus pass so the car won't get scratched in town and talk about using the winter fuel allowance to buy wine and claim theyve worked for this and are entitled to them.

Aibu to at least expect them to pass on what they were lucky enough to inherit?

twoopsie, I haven't had time to read all the posts, (the last missing has started!!) but I have read all yours, and just wanted to say I completely agree with you, am very much on your side

I think you are being very unreasonable indeed to moan about them spending their money on themselves (new cars, holidays etc) during their lifetimes.

However , I also think it is really bloody mean of them to not leave you what's left when they do go. I get they might have some charities which they're really supportive of or something like that but to not leave you anything simply because they 'want you to earn your own' is horrible.

If you were some sort of good for nothing layabout then I can see why they wouldn't want you to get your hands on their hard earned cash and blow it on booze, drugs and fast cars but assuming you're a decent, ordinary, hard working person then they are being mean.

I'm on your side in this OP. While I don't think anyone has the automatic right to inherit from their parents, I think they are being incredibly unkind and selfish. Why would you not want to help your kids, unless there had been some major falling out? Sadly I will have very little to leave mine but the little I have will be theirs.

I think all three of you sound dreadful, but your parents more than you. The reason for this is because they haven't yet grasped, by the time they're old enough to have retired, what it's all for. (Hopefully they have and are just not telling you that you will inherit it all). Their deliberate profligacy and selfishness is shocking, when they have grandchildren. It's actually cruel, in addition to being vulgar and tasteless and ignorant and all the rest of it. There is plenty to go around.

The reason why so many people leave money to the Cats Protection League/Dogs Trust is because the animals were a damned sight more supportive and caring of them than the humans in the relationship. It is disturbing how so many people seem to believe they are entitled to a share of something they had no hand in contributing to aside from being born. Someone up thread described it as positively ghoulish which is exactly right. Alongside being grabby and lacking in some form of basic respect for a fellow human being.

Is it any wonder then that these causes, very deserving of legacies as much as any other charity, do so well?

I personally want to leave something for my dd. But I completely understand that other people don't believe in it. That is their right to spend their money how they wish. Times have changed and there is little point complaining about the supposed good old days.

Although property changing hands out of one family into another has been going on since the dawn of time so what there is to get angry about there I have no idea.

I personally want to leave something for my dd

Me too. But if she felt entitled to tell me how to spend my money with a view to her legacy, she could easily find herself disinherited.

coyoacan I couldn't agree more!

Its not a life choice being born in a generation without good pensions, jobs and free education.

What a load of supercilious bullshit. Me, me, me. Take, take, take.

You are of course absolutely right. We live in a country where practically every conceivable piece of information ever garnered by humankind is available to anyone who wants it for free. Where any competent and coherent individual can reach out, for free, and make contact with any number of a million of the worlds leading experts in any conceivable field. Where every possible subject is available for open discussion in the most minute and technical detail in open forums online.

You are richer than 70% of the population on this planet! Have free access to the entire culmination of the intelligence of mankind to this point, and all you can think to say is, "well, my parents had cheaper education than us."

That says everything we need to know about your value system and your deep seated greed.

I won't begin to compare jobs and pensions, because you neither care, nor are capable of comprehending. You clearly blame your parents for your failures, and that is your choice. They clearly manage quite well. If you must live your life in envy and hatred, please at least be selfless enough not to pass that distaste onto your children. They deserve a happy life with their grandparents, and the opportunity to flourish in a world unecumbered by your prejudices.

?
Very true Elephant, there's no excuse these days to not be an autodidact! ?

Round our way, selling the family farm is seen as regrettable but occasionally necessary. Selling it and just pissing the proceeds up against the wall would earn you the utter disdain of pretty much everyone. OP, sorry you are related to such embarrassing people. Don't bother trying to have much of a conversation about it - anyone who converts the farm their parents and grandparents toiled on into golf clubs and Ferraris with zero regard for their family isn't going to "get it".I'd even grit teeth and zone out the comments about how they worked so hard blah blah. Just try to avoid the subject and change topic as quickly as possible - nothing will ever change their minds- they will staunchly believe their own version of events for ever.

elephantspoo i am pretty sure the op has repeatedly said that she and her husband work hard and are doing quite well for themselves. The concern she has voiced is not about herself struggling, but her dcs, the parents gcs, who will be the ones with high tuition fees and difficulty getting on the housing ladder. So it is the gcs that the op thinks is being done out of an inheritance, far from her passing on her own prejudices.

elephantspoo i went back and found it- but cant copy and paste due to plaster on my thumb! Op said that her household income was probably three times what her parents had at her age . Therefore it is clear the OP is not "blaming them for her failures". If she was saying she had a stack of debt and had been waiting for an inheritance i would understand your comments, but she doesn't, she is hardworking and successful!

i have no inheritance issues with my own parents, and they are the opposite in that (other than their massive mansion) they are still really tight with money and frustrate me by not treating themselves in their old age when they could afford to. However, my parents also frustrate me as their situation and attitude is very similar to the op. Although i am a civil servant like my parents, i am much more senior than they were even when they retired and earn more than they would combined if they were still working in those jobs. My husband is even more successful, but like the op's dh, he works 80 hours a week. However, we are therefore pretty well off and do have a household income 3x what my parents would have had if they were working(at todays rates so completely comparable).so no jealousy or blaming them for my failures here. I simply mean that when they go on about how hard they worked to earn their mansion, I know that they haven't worked an 80hour week in their life, and that my dad got early retirement due to depression at the age of 50 (funny since i am on antidepressants myself- apparently he wouldn't take them and preferred to retire early on a full final salary pension!) and my mum had around ten years off when i was born and then worked part time. The simple fact is that if they were living in this generation, and working in their roles, i can see no way they would have been able to get where they are. Even their first house before i was born would now be worth £500k, and if they had a combined income of £50k there is simply no.way they could get there, regardless of how much they scrimped and saved for a deposit, as no bank would give them ten times their joint income! When my dad bought it it was only around 3x his sole income. Yes, they had to struggle to afford it, but they don't understand that it would be impossible for their present-day-selves.

The fact that the OPs household earnings are three times that that her parents were doesn't mean she considers herself well off. I thought that her comment ...

^I know my granddad and great granddad would be turning in their graves to see the family accet sold to pay for exotic holidays and fast cars whilie their ggc are getting into mountains of debt for education and can't afford a house deposit ... suggests that she is skint. However, it's not conclusive unless the OP confirms it either way. Which I suspect she (?) won't.

Parrot the ggc to whom the OP refers are her own children-it stands for "great grand-children" . What she's saying is that when her own children in the future go into education and the property ladder they will accrue lots of debt due to how society has changed. The OP may be comfortable but still unable to pay full tuition fees for her kids and fund their house deposits.

I find selfish, me me me parents usually bring up kids just like them, this thread is a classic example.

Jesse. I think the OP is referring to herself as she is the GGC of her great grand parents but I can see it's ambiguous. Its not possible to know unless the OP confirms what she meant. The farm belonged to the OPs GDad and Great GDad. The OP is both the GC AND tget GGC.

The original statement is the OPs post of Tue 16-Dec-14 12:18:01

Very true Elephant, there's no excuse these days to not be an autodidact!

How many of us just copy and pasted that word straight into Google?
Lol.

. Lol, I didn't Google but I anagramed it..

Its an anagram of Out a addict

Is this the most pointless post ever

YANBU - why did they have children (i.e. You) if they didn't want the best for them- I can't imagine not passing down the proceeds from our house to my DDs one day AND step DD- the lifestyle with the Ferrari etc sounds preposterous - do they park it in the disabled bay at waitrose because of some minor ailment- after all they've "earnt" that as well by paying taxes etc according to them!

It's a strange attitude from your parents. Once we inherited our financial problems were over after years of working and struggling to keep afloat. So I'd never want to think of my kids going through the same we help as much as we can. Also I want them to have our house. We also rent out a property and are in the throes of transferring it into their names. Don't enter into it yes they've worked and are probably canny but not to want your kids to eventually inherit is for me odd.

I think there are two different issues here. Your perception of how they got what they have and their perception of what they should do with it.

No perhaps they didn't work for everything they have.

But that doesn't mean you are entitled to any of it after they have passed away.

For what it's worth, I can't imagine not wanting to ensure my DS was secure and looked after if I had the funds and resources your parents appear to have. I agree with a previous poster who said to her this seems odd. It seems odd to me too, but it's their choice and they have the right to make it.

At this point in time, everything they have belongs to them. Where it came from, who it came from, doesn't make a difference, as at the moment it's theirs and theirs alone.

And they have every right to decide what they do with it in the future. I'm sorry they seem so unwilling to pass anything on to you and your children, and I can't understand them feeling this way, but it's theirs to do with as they wish.

Wow what a sad sad post.I have the opposite problem.I want my Dparents to enjoy their money, I keep trying to encourage them to spend it on themselves instaed of worrying about our inheritance.
As some one above paraphrased 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree....

Theoretician - no, if the contributions to a pension pot are 10% of the annual salary then in simple terms 30 years of work earns 3 years of retirement. Investment gains may do better but it is still that order of number. 30 years of work will not normally earn 30 years of retirement.

You haven't understood what I was saying. I agree that 10% won't fund 30 years of retirement. I assume the 10% you refer to is employee contributions - actually I was responding to someone who (I think without scrolling up to check) was talking about parents with a good pension who made 0% personal contributions. Obviously 0% contributions aren't funding a 30 year pension either. But someone is funding it. That someone is the employer. And even though the employee never saw that money and may have been barely aware of it's existence, that money was just as much a part of their work-related remuneration as the actual salary they received when they were working. Investment growth aside, every penny that comes out of that pension was funded by the employer as a consequence of the employment contract. It is by definition earned income.