give it to me straight - am I entitled over inheritance or are my parents selfish

[twoopsie]

To cut a long story short. My parents are very well off,dad is on a final salary pension and mum draws a state pension. They have a 5 bed Edwardian house in the south east, 2 buy to let flats owned outright, and from my dads side they inherited the family farm that is let out to four different people / businesses.

They have an income after tax of 8k a month and spend money stupidly. Dad bought a Mercedes purely to drive to the golf course as the clubs won't fit in the ferrari. 4 exotic holidays a year. Spend more on an extension than my whole house cost.

Anyway good for them but they have told me that they don't intend to leave me anything as they have earnt everything and want me to do the same. Firstly they haven't earnt everything as they inherited , mum has had state pension for more years than she worked and dad got to retire early on a final salary pension. They happy take extras like the free bus pass so the car won't get scratched in town and talk about using the winter fuel allowance to buy wine and claim theyve worked for this and are entitled to them.

Aibu to at least expect them to pass on what they were lucky enough to inherit?

YANBU to be upset - but there is nothing you can do.
My dad has cut me and my DB out of his will, leaving it all to our eldest bro. Like most people who decide to do this type of thing, he got pleasure from letting us know - it's not enough to change his will - he wants to see us react and enjoy the trouble it causes.
My advice - don't let it get to you. Just get on with life and make sure that your parents do not see you react. Be as cross as you like, but never let them see as I am sure that is what they are looking for.

I dont think it is a case of coveting but of the OP's parents basically rubbing the OP's nose in it.

I do think that there is a post war generation who really did 'never have it so good'. That generation worked shorter hours and housing costs were far lower than they are today. That generation enjoyed pensions which are not available because that generation was given too much which has to be paid by the generations working now.

elephantspoo I think you are getting your tenses wrong. DF could retire at 55. Those jobs quite probably dont exist any more. OP's DF was able to acquire a property portfolio at a time when property was at a far lower multiple of people's salaries.

OP's DF was able to inherit but is now wanting to make sure that OP isnt able to inherit.

Especially about spending the kids mortgage, this increase in house prices isn't magiced out of thin air, its made by the younger generation taking on more debt.

No. That is the symptom. It is caused by our generation taking on more debt. We vote for our government to spend more money on us. We want them to buy us everything. They take on debt by printing treasury bonds and auctioning them into the market. That is where the money comes from, and why the deficit spending increases year on year and the country has never been out of debt in over 100 years. We are not willing as a country to work for what we have.

Those promises to pay then get reinvested in the country by corporations, hedge funds, countries, anyone who holds GBPs, and they buy up assets. The volume of money from foreign shores buying up UK property has exploded in recent years, but it has been steadily increasing for decades now. This pushes up house prices.

At the same time, all the free cash the government has to spend into the economy dilutes the capital already in it, and the value of the pound drops. It is called inflation.

A house in Sussex that sleeps four is not any more useful or beneficial to its owner than to the owner 20 years ago. It has not grown in utility. But it costs more to purchase because the pound is worth substantially less than it previously was, and there is far pounds in the market chasing something to buy.

The ONLY way to stop inflation and the boom bust cycle in the market is to stop the government spending money on all the things the British people want them to magic up out of thin air.

The younger generation take on more debt, because we force them to by deciding in advance what government debt they are going to have to repay for us to enjoy our lives now, and how high we want to push house prices so we can feel good about what we own today.

elephantspoo - you are talking sense, dear. Do stop it!

Remember you are lucky. Luck is all that has brought you your cushy lifestyle. Luck is all that keeps you out of the gutter. You were just lucky and it is absolutely disgusting that you won't acknowledge it.

I suspect you are of the generation that believes it is not enough to lie back and wait for luck to happen to you. I suspect you are one of those insidious bastards that believe you make your own luck, that it is mainly a frame of mind. I bet you have never thought of luck as that external happening that just drops out of the sky. I bet you are one of those really shitty people who has internalised luck and you attribute it to your own hard work and life decisions. I bet you are really, truly disgusting and own your own mistakes to.

People like you need to be shot. Come the revolution mate, you will be one of the first against the wall... you will, you will...

Happy Christmas

Er, isn't "leading a greedy consumerist lifestyle" exactly what the OP's parents are doing now?

No. They are spending what they already have. They have accumulated wealth and are now enjoying that wealth. That is worlds apart from the way most people, myself included until recently, live their lives and form their relationships with money.

I think your parents are utterly selfish. Sure, spend the monthly income as it's more than enough really, sell the properties they themselves have bought, but the family farm? No way. That's disgusting mean and hypocritical.

Fascinating, Nomama, are you sure your not the OP's mother?

Inherit a farm - worth what? - at least half a million pounds then decide that oh actually you don't believe in inheritances afterall (never mind that you make thousands of it) and that actually everything you got you really worked for.

I mean, how is it possible that someone is that deluded? It really is incredible.

Nomama - Don't quite know if you're being ironic?

I have always worked. Never claimed benefits. Been bankrupted. Walked out of a job because I wouldn't treat customers like shit. Lived below the poverty line for many years. I just do not believe I am entitled to anything I am not willing to work for.

OP seems to think she is entitled to something she has never worked for, and has no intention of ever working for, purely on the basis that it was gifted to someone else.

I wonder if they are really saying don't expect anything until they are both dead?
They don't sound very supportive.

No, she doesn't. Why are you saying that? She works full time and probably will have to until she's 70. Her parents have told her that they worked for absolutely everything they have - this is an outright lie - and she will get nothing from them.

Really, is this what you want to defend?

JohnFarleysRuskin - So greed and envy are justified on the basis that someone else received something you did not? You can justify your own greed and selfishness on the basis that your parents are hypocrites?

Just trying to understand your ethics.

Are you lying about where you got your money from then or do you just have a lot of sympathy with people who do?

Really, is this what you want to defend? - I'm not defending the action. I am defending the right to choose to do with your assets what you wish. But you seem to be justifying one persons greed and selfishness with the defences that, well her parents are selfish, so she's entitled to be greedy and selfish too. The apple did not fall far from the tree there.

Are you lying about where you got your money from then or do you just have a lot of sympathy with people who do? - I don't know if you're asking me that. I work. That's where my money comes from.

I have said all along they can do with their assets what they wish. That is their right, and I'm sure OP believes that too.

But she can conduct a relationship with them how she wishes. And if this was my mother, and she was a shameless liar, that deluded and most particularily that unloving and that up her own arse, I would have very little to do with her.

My Mum's not around but she would never have dreamed of such nasty behavior to her children and would never have spouted such self-justifying shit. These are not parents I recognize in any way.

*OP you're wasting your time worrying about it. Your parents have that sort of spoilt, unrealistic attitude that I've seen before that comes from that privileged generation who had jobs for life, final salary pension schemes and inherited. My PIL are the same, so are the family up the road. Both come out with this same sort of line about not leaving a penny to anyone and spending it all before they die, because they've earned it. They think it means their children will spend much of their lives running around after them trying to get them to change their minds. It seems to work in some cases; both sets I've mentioned do have children that spend so much time hanging around their parents houses that I actually wonder if they have any time for a normal social life. DH is with me on that one, while we used to love visiting family, letting it take over your whole life so as to make sure you are first in line for any inheritance is just awful to observe.

OTOH DH and I are castigated as some sort of black sheep for not doing this, for moving away and being in regular professional jobs. Its idiotic, and I can't be bothered with it. I suggest you get on with living your own life, FWIW I agree with you re cancelling the Christmas invite. They are being horribly rude to you with their comments and also unkind and selfish, so they must reap what they sow. You will lead a much better life and get much more satisfaction out of forgetting about any inheritance, and doing your own thing.*

Thanks and I've seen that behaviour also. No way I'm I sucking up to anyone for financial gain. Truth be told I'm doing alright, but its really for my children I do worry and without inheriting the family farm I won't be able to help them much. Would be lovley to gift them some money for education or a house deposit but looks likley that the money will of dried up.

Fil worked in a public sector job. He has been retired for nearly 40 years on a very generous pension. A similar employee now is "tracked", but fil was able to dash round and complete his work by midday and be home in time for lunch and have the rest of the day off.

The pil are now in a home and most of their money has gone on huge fees (at a very mediocre establishment, as well). They were incredibly mean and it's a real shame that they would never use their money to help any of their dcs (or even give anyone a half-decent present...).

Oh, OP has every right to deal with her parents as she wishes, I don't think most people dispute that. But her questions was whether or not she was entitled, and whilst some posters believe people are entitled to their parents assets, you seem to now be saying she IS NOT entitled to her parents' assets and that they should be free to do with them as they wish.

One has to wonder how obsessed she is with her own selfish greed, how often and how much she badgers her parents about it, and how much of this reaction is actually elicited from them as a result. I suspect if she let them be, to do as they wished with their property, and chose to just be a decent daughter without the money grabbing side, maybe their relationship would improve.

That was a response to JohnFarleysRuskin

*Er, isn't "leading a greedy consumerist lifestyle" exactly what the OP's parents are doing now? Also, I haven't seen anything in the OP's posts that suggest she is living an extravagant lifestyle on the never-never, so it's a bit irrelevant to blame her for the sins of modern society.

It's also irrelevant as her parents clearly didn't accumulate their wealth by being frugal with their wages, they accumulated it while working in cushy office jobs and retiring early but inheriting the assets built up by the previous generations' hard work on the farm.

OP, it seems that your father must have been the sole heir to the farm, is that right? Otherwise he'd not be able to decide when to sell it.*

That's it exaclty, its pretty funny certain people are blaming me for exactly what my parents are doing not me. Obviously have a massive chip on their shoulder to spout such unfounded inaccurate crap.

Yes they are the sole heir. I know my granddad and great granddad would be turning in their graves to see the family accet sold to pay for exotic holidays and fast cars whilie their ggc are getting into mountains of debt for education and can't afford a house deposit.

Fil worked in a public sector job. He has been retired for nearly 40 years on a very generous pension. A similar employee now is "tracked", but fil was able to dash round and complete his work by midday and be home in time for lunch and have the rest of the day off.

Exactly the same jobs and opotunities do not exist, and going round calling people less intelligent, lazy and blaming them is very nasty and stupid.

but its really for my children I do worry and without inheriting the family farm I won't be able to help them much

Well the rest of us are really fucked then. We haven't got farms to hand down to our kids either. Maybe we should work, save our money, and stop getting our government to increase the debt burden they will have to pay off for us. At least if we all stopped being so greedy we'd have a chance of handing our children a better world.

No, elephants, I haven't changed my opinion at all.

I completely understand why she is gutted over her parent's remarks/delusions/decisions. Her parents are selfish.

its pretty funny certain people are blaming me for exactly what my parents are doing not me. But you are doing exactly what they are doing deary. Being greedy and selfish. Pot, meet kettle.

Her parents are selfish - Yes, but she is both selfish and greedy. She covets their assets and resents their windfall. She learned that behaviour from someone. She asked if she was 'entitled' and you have given the answer 'no'. Selfishness aside, she has no right to mirror their behaviour or teach it to her children.