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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave baby asleep with a working monitor whilst I go next door for Christmas drinks?

252 replies

PatButchersLostEaring · 12/12/2014 20:36

Really unsure if this is a bad idea so opinions please.

Baby 18 months sound asleep with monitor on and working. DH next door quaffing mulled wine and I plan to join him...... Maybe.

Is this ok?

OP posts:
MrsPiddlewink · 13/12/2014 08:30

"FUcking hell, how do you bucketheads ever dare to go to sleep? Monsters might break in and eat your baby while you are selfishly tucked up in your own bed instead of sitting by the cot sweating and palpitating all night..."

^^This.

Really quite a shocking level of hysteria on this thread. Baby snatching, fire, burglars, baby moniter spies (!?!). Unless the OP lives in Eastenders, I think chances are safely slim.

She would have been (was?) in the FLAT next door. Practically the next room. FGS, some of you need to get a grip.

Selinasupreme · 13/12/2014 08:42

I slept on it and really tried to see in from another angle but I can't. I think in situations like this if you have a dilemma, rather than asking Mumsnet an leaving it to chance, give the health visitor or SS a call and ask, because ultimately they are the ones that will be throwing the book at you if the worst happens.

I'm not usually as judgmental as I have been in this thread, I never intended to sound like I was calling anyone a bad mum, being a mum is full of decisions like this and we all sometimes make bad choices.

But I stand by what I have said, leaving your property to go and drink wine with the neighbours is really irresponsible. Just because other posters say it's ok, it doesn't mean it is.

I love Mumsnet, I love the Blunt answers, the comedy and drama of it all but I read a post where a woman got burnt alive for feeding her kids home made nachos for dinner, and a post where it was unacceptable to give your child oven food once a week yet this seemed to be ok behaviour?

We have ways of rationalising things in our mind if they are what we really want to do, for instance people who smoke and push the pram, if they really want to do it they will think of any reason why they can, and look for people who agree. It's still wrong.

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 13/12/2014 08:45

I don't understand the rudeness towards people who say they wouldn't.

At the very least this thread shows that people do think it's serious so I wouldn't risk it as neighbours would be likely to report.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 13/12/2014 08:46

I can hear what's going on in my own house. Although I'm in a semi detached house I can't hear what goes on next door. Seems pretty obvious to me.

Taking a monitor? Well I would if it was an emergency or I was on my own and needed urgent help. Christmas drinks don't really fit the bill.

We all have different standards and different places where we draw the line. When you're responsible for a child or baby you have to ask yourself if you have done everything you can to keep them safe. To me it's irresponsible.

It doesn't make me a bucket head. Just someone with different ideas.

Selinasupreme · 13/12/2014 08:49

If the monitor is really good you could give it to the neighbour and talk through it and stay in the flat.

If that's not an option, you can't really leave a child alone at the other end of the monitor and socialise next door.

Original poster
PatButchersLostEaring · 13/12/2014 08:52

So, I went for half an hour, downed a glass of the mulled stuff, caught up with friends and exchanged cards. Not raucous 'out drinking' behaviour. Sadly those days are behind me.

No monsters crawled out of the woodwork or spontaneous fires started, phew!
I agree with the posters like bogeyface who were suprised at the hysteria and holier than thou parenting responses.

That said half an hour was enough and I could keep my eyes off the monitor!

OP posts:
skrumle · 13/12/2014 09:05

i'm mesmerised by the comments about it not being good enough to sit on the couch and not check on your children all evening. i have always put my kids to bed and ignored them till they shouted - whether that was 2 hours later or 12 hours later. i've never checked on them before going to bed myself because of the likelihood of waking them.

having previously been involved in child protection-related work i'm a bit horrified by some of the posters on here - there should always be a reasonable risk assessment undertaken, which shouldn't be a baseline of "never let your children out of your sight". and i totally disagree that being in the house means you are automatically aware of everything that is going on in your house - my parents house is of a style where if they were sitting in their conservatory the whole of the front of the house could be emptied (of belongings or children) while they assumed everything was fine.

glad you all survived the half hour of madness OP.

ExpectTheVeryUnexpected · 13/12/2014 09:08

Good on you for going. For the sake of half an hour, next door in a flat, I really don't see the fuss. Now being left for over an our in a detached House, in charge of other small children with no clue, when your old enough to realise mum and dad should be there and having to toddle down the road to the neighbours for help....that's different!

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 13/12/2014 09:10

Was there hysteria?

I just read disagreement.

ithoughtofitfirst · 13/12/2014 09:24

I actually scoffed at 'holier than thou'.

You did ask whether or not it was a good idea to be fair. It wasn't. But i'm glad your child is safe.

Cockadoodledooo · 13/12/2014 09:37

Hadn't read that it was in the flat nextdoor when I posted last night. I might consider that. Our nearest neighbour is 400 yards away and I was basing my answer on that when I said it was something that I wouldn't do.

Purplepoodle · 13/12/2014 09:43

If its the flat next door then yes. Probably safer than a house as presume u have a locked communal door

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 13/12/2014 10:03

Bit low to ask then mock the people who said it wasn't a good idea IMO

eurochick · 13/12/2014 10:16

There is definitely some hysteria on this thread. I'm surprised some of the posters ever manage to leave the house. For those of you advocating taking the toddler next door, I would imagine that the risks of him falling down the stairs on the way between the flats/having someone fall over and land on him/some other freak accident are as likely as the house fire/baby monitor spy scenarios. You do realise that nothing is risk free? If you take your baby in the car or on public transport, there could be a traffic accident. If you walk, an out of control vehicle could mount the pavement. If you stay home wearing a tin foil helmet and never leave the house, a meteor could fall on it...

I'm glad you enjoyed your mulled wine, OP.

flowery · 13/12/2014 10:42

"Flowery, how old is the child you are leaving alone, completely alone I.e. No video monitor, when you go and pick the other child up from school?"

What child? I don't leave my children alone thanks.

My point was that when these threads crop up, about whether or not to leave a child, it's normally for some essential errand that needs to be run. The details vary, age of children, distance, time etc etc, and responses on the threads vary as well, from its fine to no way.

But usually there is an actual important reason involved, and regardless of what posters responding would do, or view they had, they can usually understand that there is a genuine dilemma involved in the decision; there is some important errand and taking the child in question would not be ideal for some reason.

I just don't get how mulled wine consumption is important enough for there to be a dilemma.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/12/2014 11:13

It's important because parents need pleasures in life that are not wholly child-centred. There is enough social pressure on women to martyr themselves to other people's needs as it is - it becomes even more acute the moment a woman contemplates concieving.

specialsubject · 13/12/2014 11:19

nobody is putting all this on the woman. The suggestion is that both parents take it in turns, or bring the party home.

sorry, but when you have kids you have to make changes. Deal with it or don't have kids.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 13/12/2014 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 13/12/2014 12:18

Oh bull,alcohol is not important in the slightest.Try telling a social worker that

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 13/12/2014 13:09

sorry, but when you have kids you have to make changes. Deal with it or don't have kids.

I didn't lose my common sense when I had children.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 13/12/2014 13:26

We did something similar when DS was younger. Went to neighbours with child monitor on, it was pre MMc days so didn't actually think there was any issue, equally we used baby listening in hotels a couple of times.

Looking back I think the baby listening was a mistake, I'm now persuaded by these threads that the rooms aren't adequately monitored, it would be relatively easy to get into someone elses room and in the event of a fire it would be hard to reach your child.

I'm less convinced that the neighbour's house one was wrong. Our baby monitor worked fine, our DS was a good sleeper and there were no obvious fire hazards in our house. I can understand why people feel uncomfortable with it and wouldn't want to do it, but can't see that it was such an awful thing to do. I struggled in the early days and enjoyed a little bit of time away from DS (so shoot me now) . I suppose leaving him in that scenario was marginally more risky than being at home on the ground floor of our house or outside, but not very.

Stepupstepdown · 13/12/2014 14:08

I used to live in a house that had been converted into two flats. There was a communal front door and then two separate doors. When Ds was 5 I would occasionally go to the flat downstairs for a coffee. We would lock the communal front door, open both flat doors and I would also have a monitor. The living room downstairs was right by the doors. I used to pop up and check on him too. I figured it was no different to being downstairs in a house.

paleviewofhills · 13/12/2014 14:23

Forget the rights and wrongs of mulled wine - surely it's not just me who really wants to hear more about these people who are apparently spying on my house via baby monitors?

Bowlersarm · 13/12/2014 14:36

Sounds fine OP. Glad it worked out.

Mammanat222 · 13/12/2014 14:37

I am a bit late to the party, I see the OP went ahead and left baby (despite the "majority rules" post very early on)

It's not something I'd ever personally chose to do, or would actually suggest anyone else do.

Am glad nothing untoward happened of course and yes it was only half an hour However long does it take a fire to start / an accident to happen / a toddler to get themselves into trouble

"No monsters crawled out of the woodwork or spontaneous fires started, phew!" - It does seem the OP changed her tune dramatically once she knew all was OK with child? She wasn't quite so flippant when she first posted when debating if it was actually a good idea or not?