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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really hurt and upset regarding an unwanted gift?

334 replies

EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 18:55

My DP has been going on and on since last year about a playstation 4. He wanted one but said he was going to wait until they came down in price a bit.
Anyway, he didn't buy one so I have been saving for months to buy him one for Christmas.

He has been a bit stressed recently so I thought I'd buy it and give him it early to cheer him up a bit.

I paid £350 for it, which may not seem like a lot of money but to me it's a huge amount, I'm really struggling at the moment and I've been saving since may.

He came home from work, I had spent most of the afternoon cooking a meal (I'm hopeless in the kitchen, cooking is not my strong point) to be met with him asking me what the fuck I'd tried to cook and that he wasn't risking it he was going to get a takeaway. Fair enough, it probably wasn't that great a meal anyway but I'd spent a while preparing it so I was a bit upset.

I then gave him the playstation and straight away he started moaning that I hadn't bought the right games, that it only had one control pad and why had I not paid for the online membership you need to play with your mates online? I had no idea that you even needed to pay to go online.

I burst into tears and I've been upset for the past hour. OK he doesn't like it, i bought the wrong one but surely he could at least have said thank you? He knows how skint I am and i told him how long it took me to save for it. Sad

He has been in his bed for the past hour, we won't see him again tonight so I can package it all back up but I've called argos and they won't let me return it because I stupidly set it up for him to use straight away, thinking he would be happy and could spend the evening relaxing.

Am I being pathetic?

OP posts:
chanie44 · 12/12/2014 19:32

OP sending you a big hug. My OH would have been over the moon with a playstation 4. He got his for his birthday , but it coincided with Black Friday so it was near impossible to get the bundle he wanted. The membership and controller would add at least £80 onto the £350 you have already spent.

You are an amazingly thoughtful person. It's a shame your partner doesn't appreciate it. You deserve better.

GoldfishCrackers · 12/12/2014 19:32

Screwing up your work like that is the oldest trick in the book for pathetic twats who are scared of their partners getting enough independence to leave their sorry arses.

pudcat · 12/12/2014 19:32

I would sell it and buy him a suitcase to pack his things in.

MrsWembley · 12/12/2014 19:33

Just seen your last post.

Can I just confirm, your DCs are his?

Back2Two · 12/12/2014 19:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

formerbabe · 12/12/2014 19:34

You poor thing. What a horrible time you have been having. I feel really sad for you Flowers

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/12/2014 19:36

He sounds awful. I don't know the whole story but making you give up your job with his behaviour nudges this into abusive. He doesn't look after his children or do anything around the house, presumably. How does the money work in your house? I have a feeling this shit-head has other unredeeming qualities.

BikketBikketBikket · 12/12/2014 19:36

I have never ever said this before - but here goes, have my first ever LTB...

You are worth so, so much more than this awful person - you're right that you have some big decisions to make.

Have some Flowers from me - I am upset just reading about what you've put up with from this ungrateful twat AngrySad

UnMNetty (((hugs))) OP

Lomega · 12/12/2014 19:37

I am sitting here shaking my head mouth-open at this thread. Please LTB? What a callous ingrate. Had you had any previous issues before this?

CrispyFern · 12/12/2014 19:37

He sounds awful, absolutely worthless, he's bringing you down.

You will be happier without him, he is a waste of space.

Sell the ps4 to buy firewood (save £30) then burn all his shit in the garden and use the £30 to buy some paint and a canvas and make a big sign saying "Fuck Off You Utter Wanker".

Morloth · 12/12/2014 19:39

Your children are learning this is what a relationship looks like.

splodgeses · 12/12/2014 19:39

I won't say 'leave him' because you will wake up one day and do just that. I was with ex dp

CupidStuntSurvivor · 12/12/2014 19:42

Ed, I left an abusive relationship in May. I am 10000x happier as a single parent. My self esteem and confidence has grown enormously. The thing about people who abuse in this way is they always want more from you, even if you have nothing left in you to give.

ExP didn't help out with DD at all and expected to be run around after. He was emotionally abusive and I was the punching bag/slave etc. On top of looking after him and DD, doing all cooking and cleaning, looking after the dog, he also fully expected me to maintain a well paid full time job after my maternity leave and continue handing my wage over to him. I literally could give no more of myself. We are better off without these partners, but I understand it's frightening to think about the actual process of leaving when you're in the thick of it. Thanks

Gawjushun · 12/12/2014 19:42

Wow, what a horrible experience. Hopefully, this will have a positive outcome, making you realise what a horrible abusive partner you are with. I really hope you get the strength together to kick this lazy ass out of your life.

LadyLuck10 · 12/12/2014 19:43

Ed I haven't read the thread but just from your first post I can tell you any person would be lucky to have such a kind, thoughtful partner like you. Your dp does not deserve you at all. Please make a promise to yourself that this will be the last Xmas you and the dc will spend with him.
My DH would be so appreciative of a simple cup of tea, this man has totally taken for granted. Sad

splodgeses · 12/12/2014 19:46

posted too early ^^
I was with ex dp for 10 years. He made my life miserable, and for some reason it just seemed to make me try harder to please him. Things came to a head and I stopped buying him things after he sold the car I bought him. I agree with a pp who said that he doesn't want you to have any pleasure/self worth, even to the point that he will deliberately snub anything kind you do. He will continue doing it, because you will try harder next time. And you will, like I did, until you realise the prat just isn't worth it. People pointed this out to me for years, only I could decide when it was right for me.
I hope you and your dc have a lovely xmas, you sound like a wonderfully kind person.
And just so you know... there is light at the end of the tunnel; I am now happily engaged to an amazingly generous and selfless man I was shocked that they really do exist and have two beautiful dc.
Good luck OP

PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker · 12/12/2014 19:47

LTB. Seriously. You're too good for the wanker.

thenightsky · 12/12/2014 19:50

What apotatoprintinapeartree says and add that sulking should be a child-only habit.

SassyPasty · 12/12/2014 19:51

I say get it boxed up and on a Facebook selling site right now - it'll be gone tonight at this time of year. Otherwise you can bet your backside that he'll make a big show of huffing and puffing and say that he 'might as well play it now it's here, even if you didn't get the right thing'.

Next job, rid yourself of this nasty, selfish dick asap.

YonicSleighdriver · 12/12/2014 19:51

Ltb. What a wanker

Original poster
EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 20:01

I am going to start planning my exit shortly. I was referred for the freedom programme a year or so ago but I backed out. I won't this time.

Dd1 isn't his, her dad fucked off as soon as he seen the positive pregnancy test and I got together with current dp when dd1 was 6/7 months old. We moved in together when she was 2. He was not too bad at the start, he has never been caring or thoughtful and I suppose I just thought I was lucky someone was interested in a massively overweight single mum and ever since then I've been doing whatever I can to try and make up for it.

He is older than me, I'm 26, he is 38.

He earns his money and that's his money. He pays absolutely nothing towards house/dds/food etc. He says it's because it's my house not his (it's rented in my name thankfully) and he works hard for his cash why should he give it to me? I suppose he has a point there.

I claim income support (£42 a week due to his earnings) and I get £85 a week in tax credits, £33 in child benefit. We also get £260 a month towards our £650 rent so as you can see after ive put money away to cover the rent im not left with much else which is why I am struggling and it took me so long to save the £350 in the first place.

I will buy dds Xmas presents with the money and put some of it towards the rent.

I'm sick of being stressed and worried about cash all the time.

I really need a job and in the new year I'm hoping to get one.

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/12/2014 20:01

I feel really sad that you're putting up with this shit. This is so far from what you deserve. You only get one life, don't waste it with this prick.

Original poster
EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 20:02

This sounds so bad written down.

I need to add that I'm not proud of claiming benefits, I hate it and this is the first time I have ever claimed in my life.

I have worked for the past 10 years in any job I could find to pay my way.

OP posts:
bouncingbelle · 12/12/2014 20:03

I have never said this before but seriously, you need to throw him out. Who the hell does he think he is? You and your children deserve so much more - do you want your children growing up thinking this is what they should expect in a relationship?

I feel so sorry for you.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/12/2014 20:03

I x posted with you there. Don't plan your exit if the flat is in your name, kick him out