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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really hurt and upset regarding an unwanted gift?

334 replies

EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 18:55

My DP has been going on and on since last year about a playstation 4. He wanted one but said he was going to wait until they came down in price a bit.
Anyway, he didn't buy one so I have been saving for months to buy him one for Christmas.

He has been a bit stressed recently so I thought I'd buy it and give him it early to cheer him up a bit.

I paid £350 for it, which may not seem like a lot of money but to me it's a huge amount, I'm really struggling at the moment and I've been saving since may.

He came home from work, I had spent most of the afternoon cooking a meal (I'm hopeless in the kitchen, cooking is not my strong point) to be met with him asking me what the fuck I'd tried to cook and that he wasn't risking it he was going to get a takeaway. Fair enough, it probably wasn't that great a meal anyway but I'd spent a while preparing it so I was a bit upset.

I then gave him the playstation and straight away he started moaning that I hadn't bought the right games, that it only had one control pad and why had I not paid for the online membership you need to play with your mates online? I had no idea that you even needed to pay to go online.

I burst into tears and I've been upset for the past hour. OK he doesn't like it, i bought the wrong one but surely he could at least have said thank you? He knows how skint I am and i told him how long it took me to save for it. Sad

He has been in his bed for the past hour, we won't see him again tonight so I can package it all back up but I've called argos and they won't let me return it because I stupidly set it up for him to use straight away, thinking he would be happy and could spend the evening relaxing.

Am I being pathetic?

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 12/12/2014 19:21

Complete twat there was nothing wrong with it from what you said. He didn't need a 2nd controller (only him at home to play it), he can buy his own games and membership. He is just being a twat. I would keep the ps4 and get rid of him

Swingball · 12/12/2014 19:21
Flowers
tabulahrasa · 12/12/2014 19:22

Just to put it into perspective a bit...if I bought my DP a PS4, he would not be happy.

He'd be unhappy that I'd spent that much on him, not asking for more...and he wouldn't storm off and sulk either.

QOD · 12/12/2014 19:22

My dh would be the exact same btw ....
so i don't bother

Donkeysleighbellsringing · 12/12/2014 19:23

SnowSpot 19:08:19 Can you sell your DP on Ebay or Gumtree?Wink

Poor quality and not fit for purpose I'm afraid!

"He can be difficult at times" sorry OP he sounds like a mean spoilt brat.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 12/12/2014 19:23

Can you sell your DP on Ebay or Gumtree?

If only this was possible. I would have sold my ex for sure.

notapizzaeater · 12/12/2014 19:23

He sounds like a child. So he can afford a takeaway but not a present for the dcs

ProjectGainsborough · 12/12/2014 19:24

I do believe that you can post a slice of information about anyone and make them look like a dick when they are really a reasonable person.

But that truly is dickish.

Are you happy beyond these issues? Is he always so selfish? Have you ever thought about leaving?

drbonnieblossman · 12/12/2014 19:24

Very true ed.

So easy to plod along, taking shit because you're used to it.

The best thing you can do for yourself is end this excuse for a relationship. No-one deserves such utterly dreadful treatment. No-one should suffer it.

Pack his bags and tell him to get his nasty backside out.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 12/12/2014 19:25

Just seen your reply Ed (hadn't RTFT!)

If he has form for being a twat and he's thrown a tantrum because after saving £350 and getting him a PS4, you didn't also get him an online subscription and spare controller, get rid of him.

As PP has said, you didn't get him the wrong anything. His complaint is that you didn't get him enough. (Exactly like buying him a car he likes then having him complain that you're not insuring it). And his attitude towards to cooking a meal for him does make it sound like he's a bully and you're the punching bag.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 12/12/2014 19:26

Poor quality and not fit for purpose I'm afraid!

Grin

Seriously though OP this is quite common actually. I put up with so much shit from my ex but it's only really now that I'm realising this. I can't believe I put up with it for so long but I honestly never thought anything of it. It was just how things were to me.

Funnily enough it was actually a MN thread that inspired me to get rid of him. I had so many people tell me to do it that I just thought "enough's enough" and did it!

I hope the replies on here will encourage you to do the same.

Smudgeandpudge · 12/12/2014 19:26

He sounds like a champion bellend.

drbonnieblossman · 12/12/2014 19:26

Add to that, the man is an abusive arsehole.

Back2Two · 12/12/2014 19:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Original poster
EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 19:27

ChreseBuster - yes, he always goes to bed about 5.30/6pm and plays on his phone/laptop while I deal with dcs (5yo and 18months) because he works and I don't so I don't need to get an early night.

I had a job I loved but I was made redundant. I then got a job working evenings 3 times a week in a supermarket but he stopped coming home after work or had an excuse about being held up etc so I eventually had to leave because I had no other childcare and he was so unreliable I kept missing shifts and my colleagues thought I was a lazy twat.

I absolutely love looking after my dds but it's tiring

OP posts:
ClaudiaNaughton · 12/12/2014 19:27

LTB. You can do so much better.Flowers

Teeb · 12/12/2014 19:28

Being with an arsehole is such a waste of life. Be single, he doesn't provide you with anything and only drags you down.

MrsWembley · 12/12/2014 19:28

Oh, you poor love!Shock

No, his behaviour isn't normal. My DP can be an arse frequently, but he always apologies and we discuss whatever the problem was so as to clear the air. If one of us does sulk off (usually him but not alwaysWink) then it's pretty much always sorted before bedtime. I'm saddened by your comment that you know that that is the last you will see of him tonight, suggesting that he has form for this sort of thing.

And ditto what everyone else has said about your confidence, though I see you have admitted that you never had much. Get rid of the knob and work on that for a while, before even thinking about another relationship.

Oh, and YADNBU! Or pathetic.Sad

Delphinegreen · 12/12/2014 19:29

O god I used to have a partner like that right down to the takeaway after I'd cooked.

Dump him. Life is wonderful on the other side.

Summerbreezer · 12/12/2014 19:29

Ed, I would ask for this to be moved to "Relationships". You will get a lot of help and support there - and plenty of women who have been in your shoes. (Threads tend to fall off the first page of AIBU very quickly.) You deserve so much better.

Blu · 12/12/2014 19:30

"I've got some big choices to make."

OP, I am so pleased you started this thread, though it came from the most horrible of circumstances..

Honestly, I am sorry to say you are not in a relationship with a man who will make you happy, who will look after you, and certainly not with a man who will have the slightest qualms about exploiting your low self esteem.

Self esteem is robbed from people by others who behave badly and abusively. Low self esteem is a symptom of having been badly treated - not a symptom of being someone who is bad enough to deserve to think badly of themselves. You were saving for months to buy something badly wanted by someone who has never even given you a card?

You do sound lovely, OP. This man will damage you and make your life a misery.

Look up the Freedom Programme. Ask at your GP if they can refer you. It is a support programme for women with low self esteem in abusive and bullying relationships.

You deserve better and can have it.

GoldfishCrackers · 12/12/2014 19:30

This is about so much more than a ps4 and a meal. He behaved atrociously and everyone here agrees. The fact that you barely registered his vile response to your meal, then have to even ask about the ps4 shows that he has ground you down and your self esteem is through the floor. God know what else you're accepting in this relationship. Sad
Bloody brilliant that you're selling the ps4. I'd stick him on gumtree too.

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 12/12/2014 19:31

he's an arse. an ungrateful, selfish wanker.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

YvesJutteau · 12/12/2014 19:31

SnowSpot -- in this case, though, it's not that OP hasn't bought the right thing (except the detail of the games). He's complaining that the OP hasn't spent extra money to get him more stuff (the extra controller and the online membership) as well as the PS4.

Blu · 12/12/2014 19:32

"I then got a job working evenings 3 times a week in a supermarket but he stopped coming home after work or had an excuse about being held up etc so I eventually had to leave "

This is classic controlling abuse: sabotaging your financial independence and your life outside the home.