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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really hurt and upset regarding an unwanted gift?

334 replies

EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 18:55

My DP has been going on and on since last year about a playstation 4. He wanted one but said he was going to wait until they came down in price a bit.
Anyway, he didn't buy one so I have been saving for months to buy him one for Christmas.

He has been a bit stressed recently so I thought I'd buy it and give him it early to cheer him up a bit.

I paid £350 for it, which may not seem like a lot of money but to me it's a huge amount, I'm really struggling at the moment and I've been saving since may.

He came home from work, I had spent most of the afternoon cooking a meal (I'm hopeless in the kitchen, cooking is not my strong point) to be met with him asking me what the fuck I'd tried to cook and that he wasn't risking it he was going to get a takeaway. Fair enough, it probably wasn't that great a meal anyway but I'd spent a while preparing it so I was a bit upset.

I then gave him the playstation and straight away he started moaning that I hadn't bought the right games, that it only had one control pad and why had I not paid for the online membership you need to play with your mates online? I had no idea that you even needed to pay to go online.

I burst into tears and I've been upset for the past hour. OK he doesn't like it, i bought the wrong one but surely he could at least have said thank you? He knows how skint I am and i told him how long it took me to save for it. Sad

He has been in his bed for the past hour, we won't see him again tonight so I can package it all back up but I've called argos and they won't let me return it because I stupidly set it up for him to use straight away, thinking he would be happy and could spend the evening relaxing.

Am I being pathetic?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/12/2014 19:09

He sounds horrible. For what it's worth, I'm a high earner and would only spend that much on a big birthday. Even if I hadn't got things quite right, my DH would never say so. He'd be grateful because he's not an arsehole.

SirChenjin · 12/12/2014 19:09

No, you are not being pathetic. Under absolutely no circumstances are you being pathetic, and as has already been said, the fact that you are asking this suggests that he's worn you down to the point that you don't know what's acceptable any more.

You've done lovely things for him - you've saved money for months, you've cooked him a meal and you set up the present for him to unwind with. Normal, well mannered, considerate, caring adults would recognise this and say a huge "thank you". He does not sound like a nice person/friend/partner at all - unless he comes to you with a grovelling apology and never behaves like that again you might want to sell the PS and leave him.

WookieCookiee · 12/12/2014 19:10

He sounds really unpleasant. Hard to hear about the man you love but the ungrateful, spoilt response to your gift (he can easily get online membership; you pay per month or annually so he can't possibly expect you'd pay forever - but who knows?) and his response to you making dinner is really uncalled for.
Ebay it now.

Hope you're OK.

LooksLikeRainDear · 12/12/2014 19:10

Bring it back.
End it. He sounds horrible.

Pipbin · 12/12/2014 19:10

He sounds like a cunt and you can tell him I said that.

Mousefinkle · 12/12/2014 19:10

Glad you're going to sell it, hope you get a similar price back. I don't think you can buy the 'wrong' console, he's only complained because you didn't buy him the extras that he wanted. You couldn't have known that, he's free to get the extras himself as and when he can- they aren't necessary and at least he has the actual console which is the biggest cost!

You sound so lovely, what a generous thing to do. He's an ungrateful twat and doesn't deserve you. The cooking thing as well Angry, rude rude rude! LTB.

upthedamnwotsit · 12/12/2014 19:11

Also, as someone else rightfully pointed out, he wanted more things on top of what you had already brought. A PS4 controller and online membership would have set you back about £60 at least, going on £100 if you'd got him a 12-month online subscription. How bloody rude is that?

formerbabe · 12/12/2014 19:11

How long have you been together op? What is he like generally? £350 is a massive amount to spend...I don't think I've ever got my dh anything that costs so much and he wouldn't want me to spend that amount anyway.

LooksLikeRainDear · 12/12/2014 19:12

Ps i thought u were talking about a 12 year old son at first. R u serious that he will stay in his room all evening?! What a boring ungrateful immature nob.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/12/2014 19:13

It's not the wrong present though is it? It's just that the OP hadn't shelled out for specific games, another controller and online gaming, coming to what? At least another £100. Basically you hadn't spent enough on the taunt. Seriously OP, if you are skint, keep the money for a rainy day and lose the loser. You come across as lovely, but desperate to please, taunts latch on to that.

drbonnieblossman · 12/12/2014 19:13

Get rid. Him first then the console. Thank god you gave it to him early because he'd have ruined Christmas day for you if you'd waited until then.

Seriously, you live with a total cunt.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/12/2014 19:14

Ah, cross posted with Mouse and Up.

SomethingOnce · 12/12/2014 19:15

You can tell him from me he's an asshole.

You sound lovely, OP. Sorry he's upset you.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 12/12/2014 19:16

Honestly? He sounds a right cunt. It beggars belief that an adult would behave like that. Is this out of character for him?

lavenderhoney · 12/12/2014 19:16

Gosh he sounds horrible, the gift, the food, the storming off to bed..
Give yourself an early Christmas present and ask him to leave. There are no excuses for that kind of behaviour.

Has he been saving since May to buy a gift for you? And cooked you a lovely dinner ( doesn't matter if it's not michelin* standard) and would he put up with you flouncing off to bed? Blimey, how bad does it have to get?

curiousgeorgie · 12/12/2014 19:17

I've bought my DH a ps4 for Christmas and it comes with one game.

I haven't bought any extra controllers, games or online subscriptions.

You did a lovely thing, he's an arse, you know that right??

Fairylea · 12/12/2014 19:17

Wow. He sounds truly awful.

I am speechless. Doesn't happen often.

Blu · 12/12/2014 19:18

EdSheerans: so sorry, that's a horrible way for you to be treated.

This isn't an AIBU, it is a 'relationships' issue.

Why was he so rude about the dinner/ Why do you feel 'fair enough' about that? Why do you feel the need to 'cheer him up' and make things OK when he just walks all over you?

His behaviour is outrageous. Bullying and probably abusive.

£350 is a lot of money by anyone's standards. Your kindness and generosity are kind and generous by anyone's standards. And he is a prat. he wanted this PS4 so why is he throwing it back in your face? To be a bully, to not allow you to get any pleasure form 'treating' him , to avoid havng to thank or praise you (much like the dinner) and to leave you in an upset state while he takes himself off to bed.

Serious relationship issues.

Unless he wakes up, breaks down in tears and begs for your forgiveness and understanding, with a full explanation for his behaviour, I would be asking why you are in a relationship with him.

magpieginglebells · 12/12/2014 19:18

OP- he is an utter dick. A partner should not treat you like this. It is not normal to treat a loved one like that.

You did get the right gift, he just wanted you to spend more money on him.

Bulbasaur · 12/12/2014 19:19

I've gotten DH the wrong stuff before. He just graciously thanked me and appreciated the thought anyway. He still has the shorts I got him in the wrong size 7 years ago in case he slims down enough to wear them one day.

Your DP is a dick. Can you give the PS4 to your DC's as a group gift for all of them to share? There's some cute kids games for PS4 like Little Big Planet.

EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 19:19

To answer a lot of questions - yes he is like this quite a fair bit. We have been together 5 years and he has never ever bought me a gift at Xmas/birthdays I've never even had a card. He says he has no money to spend on presents, he hasn't even bought the dcs anything this year I'm having to do it myself and it's a fucking nightmare. I will sell the console as soon as I can.

I have absolutely no self esteem, never have done and to be honest I can't ever see myself being happy and content.

I'm crying reading the comments about how your dh/DP would never behave this way, be so ungrateful, be an arse etc and I would give anything to just be spoken to nicely and treated like I matter.

It's amazing how much you put up with until you wake up and realise it's not normal.

I've got some big choices to make.

OP posts:
CheeseBuster · 12/12/2014 19:20

That sounds like it should be about your DS not your DP.

What a ridiculous man.

Swingball · 12/12/2014 19:20

You are trying way too hard for this cunt for some reason known only to yourself. Don't. He's clearly not worth an ounce of your care. Am Angry for you.

TakeawayInAManger · 12/12/2014 19:20

Absolutely shocking behaviour from him.

Please, please leave him - he is never, ever going to bring you happiness. He is a prick and you deserve so, so much more.

Flowers
CheeseBuster · 12/12/2014 19:20

So he's gone to bed and left you to deal with the DCs?

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