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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really hurt and upset regarding an unwanted gift?

334 replies

EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 18:55

My DP has been going on and on since last year about a playstation 4. He wanted one but said he was going to wait until they came down in price a bit.
Anyway, he didn't buy one so I have been saving for months to buy him one for Christmas.

He has been a bit stressed recently so I thought I'd buy it and give him it early to cheer him up a bit.

I paid £350 for it, which may not seem like a lot of money but to me it's a huge amount, I'm really struggling at the moment and I've been saving since may.

He came home from work, I had spent most of the afternoon cooking a meal (I'm hopeless in the kitchen, cooking is not my strong point) to be met with him asking me what the fuck I'd tried to cook and that he wasn't risking it he was going to get a takeaway. Fair enough, it probably wasn't that great a meal anyway but I'd spent a while preparing it so I was a bit upset.

I then gave him the playstation and straight away he started moaning that I hadn't bought the right games, that it only had one control pad and why had I not paid for the online membership you need to play with your mates online? I had no idea that you even needed to pay to go online.

I burst into tears and I've been upset for the past hour. OK he doesn't like it, i bought the wrong one but surely he could at least have said thank you? He knows how skint I am and i told him how long it took me to save for it. Sad

He has been in his bed for the past hour, we won't see him again tonight so I can package it all back up but I've called argos and they won't let me return it because I stupidly set it up for him to use straight away, thinking he would be happy and could spend the evening relaxing.

Am I being pathetic?

OP posts:
ohdearitshappeningtome · 14/12/2014 22:39

Hope the op is ok

Aeroflotgirl · 14/12/2014 23:12

Let's hope she's left him for her sake, and that of her DDs.

MrsWembley · 15/12/2014 00:58

Please, Ed, please come back and tell us you're ok!

anothergenericname · 15/12/2014 11:28

Just another one saying he is in the wrong, not you, and I hope you're OK x

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 15/12/2014 13:43

Ditto hope you are OK, and that he has not talked you round. You need to put your DC first - and yourself! If he cared for you could he treat you like this? It's scary to make a break, but sounds like you can't live like this any more.

HellKitty · 15/12/2014 15:12

Ed, even if you're going to brush this off and forgive him I hope that it's opened your eyes a bit to what is not normal behaviour in a relationship. It takes a hell of a lot of balls to finally call time on something which a lot of us have done, been there and got the tshirt. Be strong and start making plans for your future.

Baubelicious · 15/12/2014 15:22

If you're still reading but you don't know what to say to us just because you haven't immediately taken action, don't worry, the important thing will be if this thread has altered your perception of things. You deserve peace and you deserve to go about your daily life safely without being ranted at. Whatever spare cash you have you should spend it on treats for yourself and your children.

You're lucky you're not married to the cocklodger.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/12/2014 15:25

Exactly, your DDs deserve better than this, do it for them. If you haven't left him, I hope you are planning his departure from your life. This is not a normal loving relationship and you will not get that from him. He is treating you like the dog poo on his shoe and sucking every bit of life out of you. You should be mad at him, not vice versa.

Snatchoo · 15/12/2014 15:31

I hope you're ok OP, and that you managed to take back the PS and drop kick that arsehole to the kerb.

chubbymummy · 16/12/2014 00:07

Was hoping for an update by now.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2014 07:37

I really hope op has not apologised for getting him the play station that HE wanted, and not paying an extra £40 for online, and £20 extra for another controller. I hope that she has not apologised for supporting this leech and fully supporting their chikdren without any of his help financially or as a 'father'. I hope she has not apologised for going into bed and accidentally waking him up! And cooking the wrong food! I hope she has realised how fucked up this situation is and has done or is doing something about it! I hope she has gone on that freedom programme and not put it to one side like she did last year. I hope that she realises her dds are in the middle if this mess, and might repeat the cycle when they are older unless she acts to stop it and change the situation.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2014 07:43

Most of all, I hope she has not apologised for existing. Because to him she is nothing, he treats her like nothing!

HesterShaw · 16/12/2014 07:48

How are men like this allowed to exist? WHY do they exist?

OP I hope you're ok Flowers

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 16/12/2014 07:56

OP if you don't mind me asking- how much have you spent on the children?

bigbluestars · 16/12/2014 07:57

hester- they are "allowed to exist" because others facilitate their selfishness ( and I speak as a survivor of an abusive marriage)

Why they exist? Probably their own nurture or genetics.

BadLad · 16/12/2014 08:33

and £20 extra for another controller.

The cheapest on Amazon is £46!

JessieMcJessie · 16/12/2014 08:50

Worried about you OP. Hop your family can support you to get this man out of your life - sounds like they already have the measure of him which is good. They must hate him because they care for you so please don't be ashamed to admit to them that you're leaving him. Remember that support is here if you need it.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2014 08:53

My goodness that much. So in addition to op saving since May for this £340 play station, he wanted her to spend an extra £100 which she could not afford on this parasite!

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2014 08:54

Who will get her nothing a big fat 0 for Christmas and birthday and for the kids too, as all money he earns is for himself!

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 16/12/2014 09:04

Can you not get a full refund from the store you bought it from rather than selling on Gumtree and possibly lose out on what you paid? Lots of shops have extended return periods for the Christmas period.

As people have said above, pop something onto the relationships board too; there are lots of people ready to offer advice and support with first hand experience, as I am sure the above example is the tip of the iceberg.

Although I can't fault the words on the thread above, AIBU can be a bit blunt for this type of thing and the relationships board will dig a bit deeper and help you more fully, beyond the LTB stage. Flowers

InfinitySeven · 16/12/2014 09:38

Shakes OP has set it up, so it's unlikely (although not impossible) that the store would accept it back.

Plenty of people will want one, though, it'd be easy to shift.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2014 10:52

Just so Sad op sounds an absolute sweetheart, I have tears just reading what this parasite is putting her through and her DDs.

JessieMcJessie · 22/12/2014 06:23

OP has updated in a thread over in Chat - can't link but it's obvious which one from the title. She has thrown the cocklodger out and sold the PS4 and is being supported by her family. Said she was really grateful for all the support she got on this thread but found it too painful to come back and read again. So some nice news for Christmas.

Pipbin · 22/12/2014 07:26

Thanks for the update Jessie

Aeroflotgirl · 22/12/2014 08:10

That is fantastic Smile good on op