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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really hurt and upset regarding an unwanted gift?

334 replies

EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 18:55

My DP has been going on and on since last year about a playstation 4. He wanted one but said he was going to wait until they came down in price a bit.
Anyway, he didn't buy one so I have been saving for months to buy him one for Christmas.

He has been a bit stressed recently so I thought I'd buy it and give him it early to cheer him up a bit.

I paid £350 for it, which may not seem like a lot of money but to me it's a huge amount, I'm really struggling at the moment and I've been saving since may.

He came home from work, I had spent most of the afternoon cooking a meal (I'm hopeless in the kitchen, cooking is not my strong point) to be met with him asking me what the fuck I'd tried to cook and that he wasn't risking it he was going to get a takeaway. Fair enough, it probably wasn't that great a meal anyway but I'd spent a while preparing it so I was a bit upset.

I then gave him the playstation and straight away he started moaning that I hadn't bought the right games, that it only had one control pad and why had I not paid for the online membership you need to play with your mates online? I had no idea that you even needed to pay to go online.

I burst into tears and I've been upset for the past hour. OK he doesn't like it, i bought the wrong one but surely he could at least have said thank you? He knows how skint I am and i told him how long it took me to save for it. Sad

He has been in his bed for the past hour, we won't see him again tonight so I can package it all back up but I've called argos and they won't let me return it because I stupidly set it up for him to use straight away, thinking he would be happy and could spend the evening relaxing.

Am I being pathetic?

OP posts:
bigbluestars · 13/12/2014 07:53

No decent man would want such an expensive item while you have kids and struggling financially.

A good man would want any spare cash spent on the kids christmas.

OP you need to get rid of this guy. You will be happier without him.

odyssey2001 · 13/12/2014 08:07

If I were you, I would do the following today:

  1. Do NOT call DWP.
  2. Tell him to get out by the end of the day.

Then enjoy a Christmas free from tyranny.

youarekiddingme · 13/12/2014 08:11

Oh Sad he's not a DP at all. No darling about him and he's certainly not a partner in this relationship.

He does need to go. You are far stronger than you think you are and your DDs need to see this is no way to be treated.

As far as income is concerned I'd say the DWP are right. An income of £1200 (his wage and your IS) is not high so 1/3 of your rent (which is 1/2 your income) being paid is not excessive.

Wishing you a productive and twat free 2015.

HellKitty · 13/12/2014 08:28

Parcel the ps4 up - with the rest of his shit.

I'm sorry he's such a twat, you and the DCs deserve better.

Pipbin · 13/12/2014 08:37

You are a good person. You are being taken advantage of by this cock end because he knows that your low self opinion means he can get away with this kind of behaviour. He is a using, controlling arsehole.
It's very easy for us to all say LTB but you don't need him. You don't need any man. There are plenty single mums here who will give you support.
Get rid. He is a cunt of the highest order.

annielouisa · 13/12/2014 08:44

Get your family to come over and pack his stuff with and march him off your property. Then contact womens aid and ring 101 thenon eemergency police number for advice on what to do if he tries to regain entry. No woman deserves to be trampled on.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/12/2014 08:46

How are you Ed, this morning? You should not have to leave, it's your house, you pay the bills and support it all, he has to leave. If he you think he will cause trouble, call the Police and ask them to be there whilst he is removed. There is no darling or dear about this leech, he is like the dementors in Harry Potter, sucking the life out of you! He gives you nothing, and he takes takes takes. You know what you have to do as it ain't going to get any better.

Lilmissconcerned · 13/12/2014 08:47

I'm sorry but the things he's complaining about he could go and get himself now as you've bought him the play station 4.

I'd be so upset and hurt if my fiancé did that to me.(he never would I'm more than sure) He doesn't sound like a very nice man at all...

Fabulassie · 13/12/2014 08:48

Selling it on eBay will get you most of your money back. If I were you, I would include the story ("I am selling this because I bought it for my partner to cheer him up. I set it up for him and all he did was rant and complain and go to bed. Apparently, I bought the wrong game and only one controller. Since it had been set up for his immediate enjoyment, Argos won't take it back. It has never been played and is back in its box exactly as it arrived.") With a story like that, I would think that you'd have good credibility and could probably get someone who wants to save £30 or so and recoup most of your money.

I am so sorry that he has acted like this.

Fabulassie · 13/12/2014 08:51

Oh, and I agree with a previous poster who said to hide the PS4... once he wakes up he will want to play with it. Still bitching that you got it wrong but since he has it he will want to use it. If you want to sell it for close to what you paid you have to be able to say that it was never played. Just tell him that you've returned it.

DonnaLymansSockPuppet · 13/12/2014 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 13/12/2014 08:54

oh love :( I just want to scoop you up and hug you!

he is disgustingly vile and an utter cocklodger, I hope the playstation's sold now (it ought to be at this time of year!)

please tell him he needs to leave, today.

don't think about what you should do, just do this, you will be better off in every imaginable way the sooner he's gone.

we'll be here for you every step of the way.

go on, do the kindest thing you can for your children, don't let them grow up thinking this is what being a man/dp is about.

Glittertwins · 13/12/2014 08:55

Sorry if I have repeated anything already posted but why does he need a second controller if it is just him playing on it or is he intending inviting hordes of his mates to your house as well? I hope he has some redeeming features as this is not a healthy sounding relationship otherwise.

RandomMess · 13/12/2014 08:56

You can separate from him and even if you can't physically get him removed straightaway provided you do not do ANYTHING for him - washing/shopping/cooking/cleaning sleeping separately then you can start claiming as a single person today.

Tax credits etc. may not be happy about this. may tell you it's not possible but it's an abusive relationship. Move all your stuff out of the bedroom if possible and set up camp in the lounge/with your dds and start claiming now.

Go to council and start claim as a single person for rent and council tax, ring CMS to claim child maintenance for the little one.

This is financial and emotionally abuse.

Hissy · 13/12/2014 08:56

oh and cooking is all about confidence... when you're feeling the way you are, how on earth would you be confident enough to cook?

when he's gone, this will get better too!

RandomMess · 13/12/2014 08:57

You may be getting a higher level of tax credits at the moment due to your baby being under a year and some of your earnings being maternity pay last year - both those things would increase your entitlement calculation for the current financial year.

StripedCandycaneOss · 13/12/2014 09:01

I know its scary, and hard, but what you need to do is when he goes to work, pack his shit up, put it on the doorstep and bolt the door.

Then tell him he's gone and dont let him back in!

TrendStopper · 13/12/2014 09:03

I don't think the dwp is open at the weekend so that's a positive. At least the OP can't make the mistake of phoning & then getting her money stopped.

He earns 250 pounds a week, doesn't contribute to the household but has no money to spend on the occassional present. Where does his money go?

Chiggers · 13/12/2014 09:05

Just a few words to say OP. Don't plan your exit. Get the bin bags out, bag ALL his stuff, set them out on the doorstep and ring him straight away to collect them. Don't engage in any further conversation, but if you must, tell him you have nothing to say to him and he is to go. If he insists that you both 'talk about it' a simple "There is nothing more to discuss. This relationship is over" can be repeated ad nauseum until he gets the message. If he keeps harassing you, call the police and have him removed. Get an injunction if you have to. It seems he has ground you down considerably as you barely registered

The more you think about leaving, the more doubts may creep in and stop you from getting out of an abusive relationship. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just do it without thinking. You know you need to get out of this situation, so the only plan you really need is what stuff of his is going into the bin bags and getting them out of the house and him out of your life asap. Good luck OP, and don't give him a 2nd thought.

Hatespiders · 13/12/2014 09:05

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, so forgive me if others have said this:-
Have you been the victim of childhood ill-treatment, and made to feel utterly worthless? So that you can't see your own right to good and respectful care from a partner? If so, after you've left this evil,nasty, selfish and cruel man (and you know very well you must get rid of him) perhaps you might seek some kind of counselling about your expectations and self-worth. Because no-one should accept being treated like this.
I feel so sad for you, and just hope you find some inner grit to get him out and rebuild your life, you poor lady.

Beangarda · 13/12/2014 09:06

I'm reading this almost in tears, EdSheerans. I want to reach into the Internet and help you get rid of him and walk ahead to the better life you have awaiting you and your children just around the corner. Talk to Women's Aid and CAB as soon as you can, and act. Buying the Playstation and coming on here to talk about his awful response will turn out to be the best thing you ever did.

Keep posting for support, and very, very best wishes. You sound lovely.

FunkyBoldRibena · 13/12/2014 09:10

Please OP. Kick him out, change the locks and then make a new claim on Monday.

This man is adding nothing to your life, indeed is taking away the fun you could be having with your children.

And take the PS4 back, don't sell it on ebay or whatever, you can return it in such a short timescale. Just be glad you saw the light - but make those changes now.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/12/2014 09:19

Ed if you don't want to call the Police, please contact your friends and family to be there whilst you chuck his sorry ass out.

dirkdiggler1 · 13/12/2014 09:20

I know this may not be popular but I believe only children need toys, not grown men

Don't be silly, the toys just get more expensive. I have a £40k toy in the garage which serves no useful purpose whatsoever, just comes out in the sunshine to play. I also have a PS4. Enjoying 'toys' as part of a well rounded selection of hobbies does not make someone a child.

RJnomore · 13/12/2014 09:21

Op I don't mean to question you but are you SURE it is income support you are claiming?

I ran some figures through the entitled to benefit calculator for you, it's online and free. Obviously they were approximate but based on what you said up thread, it can out around £40 a week working tax credit and £90 child tax credit which isn't far off what you out figure wise, it's just that it wasn't income support but two different type of tax credits.

You can try it yourself with the exact figures but I don't think you do have a massive overpayment, so listen to everyone on here - DON'T PHONE

I get furious about the few cases where people are committing benefit fraud because they give genuine claimants a bad name but:

1- youve been totally honest
2- I'm pret sure you aren't getting too much even by their error
3- let's face it, you are actually living as a single parent aren't you?

Please please get the cocklodger out, you are worth so much more, if not for your sake so that you can show those two little girls that you don't let anyone treat you like this.

I'd have brained him with the dinner or throttled him ?ith the os4 cable, you are very patient