To ask if you don't do Santa/ Elf in the shelf you don't spoil it for others?

[CatWreathkeith]

Last year Dneice was told matter of factly by a 4yo at school there is no such thing as Father Christmas and it's your parents. In reception.

This year another child has told her that you can buy an EOTS from Amazon, because her mum has shown her it.

Why? Why would you do that? Why not say there are only a few elves that get to leave the North Pole and we didn't get one?

Or if your child wants one that badly get a cheap one from the pound shop

Grrr

I don't really understand your point pinkcheese. All my parents' presents came from Santa. Our other presents came from aunts, uncles, grandparents and neighbours and we were always made to thank them in person or over the phone or by letter.
The only people not getting 'thanked' for santa presents are the parents.

These children who get all parent gifts from Santa, don't they ever wonder why Auntie so and so and Uncle what not buy them gifts but their own parents do not?

Also Elf on the shelf??? Whatever next?

'These children who get all parent gifts from Santa, don't they ever wonder why Auntie so and so and Uncle what not buy them gifts but their own parents do not?'

No.

Not really. By the time we were old enough to start thinking that way we were at the stage where we were beginning to stop believing in Santa. I suppose, if I thought about it at all, I just assumed that my parents had spent all their money on presents for other people and didn't need to buy us stuff because Santa had our list.

DD1 had the Santa illusion shattered when her 'friend' whose parents mother is very outspoken about not 'telling lies' to children told a load of other kids at school that Santa didn't exist and then when she was pulled up on it, she blamed dd for telling her. The subsequent talking to the dd got was enough to convince her that Santa didn't exist (They spoke to her as if she already knew and was being naughty for telling the other dcs).

There is a Dad in the class (same dd) who is very vocal about it and delights in being plain nasty around Christmas but dd1 was always content with thinking he was a dickhead until the incident with the other kid.

youareallbonkers I was wondering that. In our family the main present/s come from parents (because I want the credit). Kids get a bag full of stuff to open first thing from Father C.

In DH's family relative bought presents and Father C was the glorified post man. He never thought it odd that presents purchased in Wales were sent to the North Pole to be delivered back to Wales. With our DC we do it my way as I buy and wrap all the bloody presents.

It's funny how family traditions differ but we all assume our way is the 'right' way.

I assumed that Santa was the delivery man, and that the presents had come from parents/grandparents/etc. I remember asking who got me what, even when I believed in Santa. I don't think my parents did anything to encourage that, it was just the logic of a preschooler trying to make sense of a strange man I'd never met bringing me presents.

The spying little elf is deeply rooted in Scandinavian folklore.There are very old ones around..the book is only what the author recalled from her family folklore

Everyone does not follow traditions to the letter.What happens in your own house is your business.

DH behaved so badly yesterday...this morning he was embarrassed to find his underwear displayed in the front window!He may not receive much for Christmas this year,unless...

Hoping the elf did not see me stealing a choc.fom the wrong side of an unopened box !

ginger why is it a bad idea to connect good and bad behaviour with rewards or lack thereof?

Because that isn't the way the real world works. Shit happens to good people and the less good get rewarded for their self-interest.

People already associate material wealth as a measure of how 'good' they have been in life, far far too much. Then, there are all the people who can't buy their kids stuff for christmas who get left with kids thinking it's their fault, or feeling they are intrinsically bad because they are materially poor.

It is just a shit message. The whole good=presents=love axis of capitalist evil has a hell of a lot to answer for.

This is the first I have heard of the Elf on a shelf. Granted I may have been living under a rock for the last few years but nope, it hasn't reached African shores as far as I am aware.

I am just a bit more aghast that there is an "official" elf. WTH! So the folks who wrote the book have made an official elf, my goodness they must be raking the money in....

My dc are well past the believing in Santa age, although the idea of the elf is quite sweet, it seems (like everything these days) that its been commercialised and families are doing it as its now the new "thing to do" at Christmas time.

Bit like Halloween and Valentines in my opinion. Someone had a nice idea is making money out of it due to joe public spending a lot on it....

icebeing i totally agree. Santa comes to all children, even ones who exhibit undesirable behaviour.

But then I don't use rewards or punishments to parent anyway.

I agree that the Elf on a Shelf seems to be overegging the pudding a bit. No harm in people doing it if they want, but between that, chocolate filled advent calendars, gift boxes on Christmas Eve etc etc etc Christmas seems to have become a huge palaver.

Would anyone seriously cancel Christmas over bad behaviour? Of course you wouldn't because it would be a horrible thing to do to a child who is excited and looking forward to it, no matter how badly they'd behaved.

So why threaten it if you have no intention of doing it?

It's just one of those things parents say 'If you don't behave yourself I'll ring Santa'..

My little nephew and niece were arsing around and delaying going up to bed the other night. I said 'anyone not in bed in five minutes has to go out and sleep on the pavement'. They ran up the stairs laughing and jumped into bed.
Sometimes I think we overanalyse everything we say and do around children.

there is also the "performing monkey" aspect - "Oh be a good girl you'll get a reward" - my kids were good because it is what was expected of them as a baseline, not something to be bribed into. If they did not behave as expected then we had a bit of a talking to.

But we didn't do santa anyhow so being good for the fat, jolly, imaginary man didn't come into it.

Oh no, fallingover, what is this gift box on Christmas eve one I have missed?

I think I prefer being behind the times......

I read about it on here last year high. I think it's a box left on the doorstep and includes pyjamas, but am a bit vague on the details as thankfully it doesn't seem to have caught on here in Ireland yet

Ermm ok, I know raising children isn't the same as raising dogs
I was just interested in why it's not a good idea although I did say it's not something I use a lot, more my parents.
I am new to this stuff, my oldest is 2. How do you get them to do what you want if there is no punishment or rewards. I might say if you don't get your coat on, we can't go out today or do counting to 5 or temporarily remove a toy but any ideas welcome!

The difference is that those are short term logical/natural consequences/punishments and you are prepared to follow through,

'It's just one of those things parents say 'If you don't behave yourself I'll ring Santa'

I agree, and kids seem to love it. It enhances the theatrics of the whole thing.

It is just a different mindset GingerLemonTea - I would not let it be known that there was any option in the "get your coat on" scenario.... right from when they were walking... if you introduce an "or" you introduce the idea of there being a choice...

"Get your coat on, time to go out now" (after having previously said "we will be going out in 10 minutes, finish up what you are doing", and "remember we are going out in 5 minutes")

Using no punishments becomes an easier way of life. I demand high standards of behaviour but don't use stickers or a stick.

Few people use a stick.