To ask if you don't do Santa/ Elf in the shelf you don't spoil it for others?

[CatWreathkeith]

Last year Dneice was told matter of factly by a 4yo at school there is no such thing as Father Christmas and it's your parents. In reception.

This year another child has told her that you can buy an EOTS from Amazon, because her mum has shown her it.

Why? Why would you do that? Why not say there are only a few elves that get to leave the North Pole and we didn't get one?

Or if your child wants one that badly get a cheap one from the pound shop

Grrr

Stillwearin you might not have wanted to spoil their fun, but you did. My suggestion was to put off answering the question till they were out of earshot, no lie involved.
Fwiw he was probably just a spoilt pfb, but you never know.

If the average age is 7, then obviously there must be a lot of dcs still believing at 7 and beyond, given there are 4 years olds not believing.

YABU to ascribe any cruel motives to the mother who showed her child that ghastly EOTS on Aazon. Possibly she, like any people, had never heard of thing, googled it and the Amazon link appeared.
www.amazon.co.uk/The-Elf-Shelf-Girl-character-Storybook/dp/B008IC29Z6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418155615&sr=8-1&keywords=elf+on+the+shelf

that's what happened when I did the same thing at the weekend and I was stunned that people would pay £33.99 for a piece of plastic tat tiny doll and a book. And even then it didn't occur to me that people managed to convince their DC the doll was actually an elf.

RE the parents at riding - it was very cruel of that family to lie to their child and tell him he was better than all the other children, especially when the little girl overheard it. Cruel and nasty of them. You can bolster your child's confidence without running down other children in the process.

If my 4yo asked me what EOTS is I'd have to look it up on Amazon to tell them! Hardly the mother's fault that it's a toy?

The whole Father Christmas lie is getting ridiculous. It's not real! It's fine for kids to know that! Tell your own children whatever you like, FC is magic and you can choose to believe or not. Threatening children that they won't get presents if they don't believe is purely to satisfy adults.

'If the average age is 7, then obviously there must be a lot of dcs still believing at 7 and beyond, given there are 4 years olds not believing'

depends what kind of average.

I don't get how the neice believes in the elf if she no longer believes in FC anyway.
Unless she does still believe......

Tell me why it's a bad idea to use Santa/ presents as an incentive for good behaviour & to discourage bad behaviour?
My parents do a fair bit of this with my dd & I've probably said it too. Obviously I try to encourage good behaviour all year round & only talk about this in December.

Sister, I believe dsis went down the route of Santa only delivers to children who believe. Dniece seemed happy with the explanation.

Sorry for the absence btw, I've had an eventful day.

Because it's up there with 'no screens ever again until you are 18!!!' - do you really intend to spend Christmas morning reflecting on the presents that would have been given had behaviour been better?

Also, because Santa may not be able to give presents to everyone, even if they are very, very good.

I am not saying I never shout out meaningless threats - however, I can explain why they are a bad idea.

I refuse to play along with Elf on a Shelf.

I probably wouldn't tell DD that elf on a shelf is fake because then it just opens the door to ruining the illusion of Santa as well.

I still believed at 9 - it didn't make sense how FC could deliver so many pressies in just one night etc but I was too naive to think my parents would lie to me and had been assured that he had a lot of helpers who looked like him.

I was mortified when I found out I'd been lied to but am under the impression that I'm in the minority.

I agree. You are still going to give them as many presents as you can afford even if they misbehave every day!

Wow, Altinkum - you have a lot of time on your hands! I'm impressed at anyone who can muster the energy for that sort of thing.

FWIW, I had never heard of the elf tol I started reading this thread today. Bizarre. Guess its one of those things that will start being relevant in my life once DS starts school.

We don't do the Elf but we have a Scottish Brownie (invisible) who lives with us all year. He has a little door like this www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Hobbit-or-Fairy-Door-UK-Made-home-garden-ornament-FREE-UK-DELIVERY-/271616075054?pt=UK_Collectables_MythicalCreatures_RL&hash=item3f3d94652e
which allows him to pop back and forth to the netherworld. He is particularly good at finding missing objects.

"Dneice seemed happy with the explanation"
No harm done then.

Well thank goodness for that. I was having sleepless nights worrying that dneice had a ruined childhood

"EOTS has been around for years and years" - well it was written in 2004/5... so ten years tops...

GingerLemonTea One reason for not giving using incentives/threats to control behaviour is that it gets short term results and children then start to expect rewards for doing what they should be doing anyway - being empathetic, contributing to family, being helpful, being considerate etc. There is a lot of research that shows that giving rewards has unexpected results. Children become less empathetic and all about what's in it for them. Raising good people isn't like training dogs.

My dear friend is one of those parents who spends Sept-Dec threatening her kids with "no Santa if you don't do your homework/tidy room/etc" And of course it has no effect, never has, because she never follows through (kids now 13&9). It's probably the one thing about her that I really dislike but I can't tell her that it makes me so sad when I hear it.

Father Christmas comes to my kids, wherever we are in the world (we travel a lot) and delivers a stocking (chocs, tiny toys, pens, etc) on Christmas Day. And a shared one (Baileys miniatures , chocs and toiletries) for DH and me. They are 13&11 and just go along with it, I assume they don't believe but it's never mentioned, we just carry on the tradition. All proper presents are bought by parents/gp/friends/relatives .

If gifts were all marked as being "from Santa" (as in the houses of lots of my friends), then how would anyone real get thanked? I think saying thank you graciously is an important lesson in childhood and you can always spot the adults who weren't taught that by their parents. It's also important for children to see that their parents are doing all they can to make Christmas a special time for the family. My kids love to have 'dull' things like a new duvet cover and appreciate that it's DH and me who have put the thought into choosing exactly the right one for them. In lean years, they have understood the significance of the gifts we have been able to afford. Setting up the whole "Santa brings you loads of stuff if you're good" scenario can lead to a lot of upset (and financial worry) in future years.

I don't think the OP is BU but I would point out that as PP have said, you can't police the words of a primary school child in the playground!

My childhood Christmas gifts from my parents were always 'from Santa', and guess what? I didn't turn into an selfish ego maniac. And my parents even managed to turn me into a person who knew how to say thank you graciously to people.

I love when people decide that others who don't do as they do are clearly raising children who will turn into horribly rude adults.

Such a ridiculous assumption.