AIBU about this situation with the Ex-wife or is my friend?

[tinkerpigeon]

Was chatting with a friend today about my weekend, how DP and I had taken his DC out for the day on Saturday, etc. Friend asked me what his Ex-w thinks about it, I said I haven't a clue as he's not told her about me.

Friend thinks that's terrible, that she'd want to know and that it's unfair on the Ex-w that he hasn't spoken to her about it. I don't think it's a big deal and don't think she really NEEDS to know, especially as they're not exactly on great terms.

Is it not likely that your friend has not said anything about you telling your ex this sort of thing because she either knows or has a good idea that your relationship was abusive?

Given that it was telling him could place you at risk of harm or harassment.

Parents are expect to either inform or agree on stuff that is a major life thing when it is safe to do so its one of the expectations that happens when the none resident parent has PR. is presenting a child with a new parental figure who could end up with some form of legal status even PR not more major than what school they will go to?

Im amazed that the kids havent mentioned you. My daughter told me the first time she met exs then girlfriend now wife. I didnt bother mentionig it to my ex because I didnt want to give him the satisfaction. (He is horribly emotionally abusive and would have made out I was having a go or being mental).

I find it odd that none of them at all have mentioned you.

Id be upset if my partner had children and hadnt told his ex and I wouldnt feel comfortable spending time with them. I took my OH to meet my exs family when we became a couple (he had already mrt dd when we were friends however as he had been to my house with others).

Sorry I have only read the first page I didnt realise there was another 4.

I don't think it's odd that the DC wouldn't tell their mum about stuff they do / people they meet with their dad and vice versa.

DSS rarely tells us any details about his home life with his mum. Even though there is a very friendly relationship between the adults in the two households, and even though he is a huge chatterbox!

I think he just lives in the moment really. It's like a pp said, if you ask a kid what they did at school that day or try to make conversation about it you often find they seem to remember nothing or have nothing to say about it, even though school is obviously a huge part of their life. I think it's kind of the same with other households they live in, for my 9yo DSS at least!

River - maybe my dd is just a blabber mouth. She shares everything. And I mean everything. I have had to have a chat with her about privacy as she kept telling me what her dad was wearing to bed! (Nothing!) And was trying to discuss toileting habits.

I told her there are things we dont need to talk about!

It’s courtesy especially if you’re serious. However if you’re figuring it out. You can just be a friend as long as you’re not acting in an overly friendly way around them.

I’d say give her the heads up. Just be prepared for what this could do to you!

Its not about you ever wanting to meet her, its about a woman knowing who her son is spending his weekend with. As far as she is concerned its just the DD alone. Not only that, but you will probably become an important person in DS life, if suddenly one day it crops up that you've been spending weekends together for a long time she will be very pissed off YABU. You should tell her. And this isn't coming from a "happily married" person thank you. Even if they aren't amicable she still should know

Why post a question if your just going to get defensive when someone disagrees with you. Its like you just came here to get back-up against your friend

This thread is old

He should have told his ex he was introducing you. It's the mum who has to field the awkward questions

THIS THREAD IS 4 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you everyone for this thread. Anwered so many questions I have had!
What a relief! :)

I'd want to know about you. Your DP should of told her. Reverse this, how would he feel with a complete stranger having such interactions with his children?

All this 'she has a right to know who her kids are spending time with' shit makes me laugh.

They are with their parent, their dad. No she does not have a right to know what he's doing / who he's with during that time.

If he spent time with a friend would you still insist OPs dp let his ex know?

Controlling? Being 'floored' by finding out your ex is in a relationship and hadn't mentioned it to you when you don't even speak anyway. What's with the dramatics.

Her knowing won't change anything will it? She can't demand to get to know OP first and decide if she approves before her ex can continue dating her.

Do people really think they should get to meet and get to know the person your ex is in a relationship with before they can spend time with your joint children? I'd say that's controlling.

Likelihood is she already knows from the kids. It's been months and you've been hanging out with them regularly, she'll know.

Guarantee if this were a mother who hadn't mentioned her new DP to her ex everyone would be saying it's none of his business anyway when the kids are with her.

FFS zombie.