to need to talk about sex

[batmanandrobin]

my DH and i have always had a great sex life- very active and very give and take.

tonight however i pulled my feeding bra down, he did his thing with my tits and then we rolled over onto our separate parts of the bed and he's now snoring.

what?! what has just happened.. is unsexy sex normal? we're only just knocking on 30s door so i don't feel old and tired yet.

reassurance? or a big fat cyber slap? TIA

I think there is a titwank with the knob facing down. But, the girl's going to have lots of different kinds of worries with that position, unless it's planned that way. Most people's idea is probably man astride, protruding up cleavage, (hence accidental sperm in some eyes.)

I always thought you would kneel to give a titwank? I'm so confused about the angles. So they would straddle your stomach and go back and forth rubbing their bum on your belly?

Where would I look?! I would be too scared to look down after what someone mentioned above.....I fell I may try this tonight.

I suppose it depends on how much work you want to do! Also, if you kneel, it makes value added services easier!

Dh's birthday tomorrow. Been wondering what I could give him...

I've always found kneeling easiest with it pointing upwards. Tried astride - didn't work

ahh the things you discuss on MN

'Value added services? I'm puzzled and that I have never done a 'titwank' and do not know what value added means. Anyone would think I'm young and without child!

Solid, It doesn't often go up nose but when it gets on my face DP has recently taken to dipping his thumb in it. Placing his thumb on my forehead and whispering "simba"

I haven't been able to watch the lion king since.

MY DP is very vanilla bless him and i have tried the titwank and he just looked puzzled. I slowly worked my way down his stomach and put my boobs around his small fella and he just giggled. Was disappointed

The googley eyes and moustache have ended me, I'm in hospital with DS and I've just had a consultant walk into the room to find me snorting and howling, unable to gain breath on the corner while DS looks on like this

Howling at this thread .

Fwiw I have only been able to give a tit wank since BF as my boobs were not big enough pre BFing .

Not that I've given them regularly obvs .

DP is a boob man though - he always used to try and they just weren't big enough so he couldn't wait when they were all of a sudden a G cup! Bless him!

Been looking for a nice alternative to sex, think this may fit the bill?

I'm 34 weeks pregnant so I'd have to kneel though. Otherwise OH is in for a bumpy ride

(seriously I think I'll just stick to blowies!!)

Oh God I'm in work and doing the silent massive laugh thing my body is just shaking like a paint mixer at my desk, hoping my boss doesn't hear/see me.

Mumsnet please put this in classics...

Ha Ha!! This has brightened my dull afternoon. Especially the bagpipes with the cup of tea one

I once gave DP head and got it all up my nose.
he nearly pissed himself laughing at me i was going "ITS SO STICKY AND ITS BURNING ME"

I hate that when it comes out of your nose and you feel like you're drowning in spunk. Better than Vicks for clearing the sinuses though

Simba?

Feeling flu-ey, runs off to shove spunk up nose. Christmas tip (no pun)

My friend told me he did the "Simba"... I wouldn't dare try it ... I hope pp is not his DP...
Raffiki "baptises" Simba as prince with red dust on his forehead.

Replace the dust for jizz...

Isn't baptism supposed to be purifying, though? Isn't that the whole point. I don't want my guy rubbing his jobby on my face and then leading me into the light.

I'd rather have spunk up my nose or get a Simba than have it in my hair. That's got to be the biggest PITA because you then you either have to sleep with spunky hair, or go for a shower when you just want to sleep. Probably good for your hair though.

You can sleep with spunky hair?

Busty woman here and frankly the list of things sexier than a tit wank is endless. Pools of vomit for example, though disgusting, are still sexier than a tit wank.

Poor you OP it sounds like life is a bit rubbish, so sorry about your brother.
Sex can be a bit crap and non romantic after you have babies Im afraid. Just because both of you are exhausted etc.

I am absolutely cackling at this thread, have woken the baby due to the laughter I have just emitted

Oh the boobs I had when pregnant/feeding, could have given gloriously cushioned titwanks. At least one of you got off though eh? And how marvelous that your probably overworked boobs now have yet another use. If they get worn out after an anniversary, you could always come back and amuse us with the results of the armpit suggested upthread-that's one I've never tried, at any stage of menses, lactation, etc.