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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish my husband was less of a faffer?

194 replies

LennyCrabsticks · 05/12/2014 19:29

Like now for eg. I'm sitting down with a glass of wine and his job is to bath the littlest child.

He's been preparing for twenty minutes now. He's been to the loo. He's looked for a towel. He's asked where the clean flannels are. In a minute I expect he'll actually run the bath. Meanwhile dc3 is bouncing around the living room spoiling my relaxing wine and TV time generally being not bathed and in bed.

He's the same with everything. There is no such thing as a quick job. He cooks the evening meal everyday and it takes him so long that he doesn't get much else done in the time between the end of school and dinner time. If he ever washes up (if I've cooked) it takes him over an hour. We have a dishwasher. I asked him to check the online banking the other day and by the time he'd finally fired up the laptop, been to the loo, put some music on and made a coffee before sitting down to log in, I'd done it on my phone. And then he got all huffy.

Is there anyway of training him out of faffiness? Or is it a trait I have to live with forever?

OP posts:
cookiemonster100 · 07/12/2014 22:28

My fellow faff wags! We exist! This is such good group therapy!

FIL is a major faffer taking MIL with him. He faffs around so much that he quickly has to nip to the shower before we head out at precisely the time we need to leave. MIL, gets ready super early but always is the last one ready?!
My SIL is going the same way. However DH is a faffer but no way to the same extreme as all of them. However everything is "I'll do it tomorrow it will only take 5 mins" AARRGGHH!!! Xmas Shock

HadleyHemingway · 07/12/2014 22:41

DP (who has mild faffing tendencies which are mostly kept in check), after going to the supermarket today, actually tried out the sub-level unpacking method because I told him about this thread.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 07/12/2014 22:51

Be warned. I am friends with a pair of married faffers. I remember going out for dinner with them when they decided to buy a flat. They needed to settle on the area first. And then the number of bedrooms. And then .. oh well, you get the gist. In any case that was eight years ago, I have bought and sold two flats in that time while their faffing has now priced them out of London. They are currently talking about when they will start to talk about moving out of the city. And they are also talking about when they will talk about getting pregnant.

They turn my hair grey.

mrsminiverscharlady · 07/12/2014 23:03

I work with several world class faffers. Sometimes I want to kill them with frustration at their ability to make a 30 minute task last the whole morning.

They're usually the ones staying late or coming in early which makes it appear that they are incredibly dedicated, when actually they have to do it to keep on top of the things that the rest of us can get done easily within the normal working day.

I close my door and try to pretend I can't see them pottering up and down the corridor.

debbriana · 07/12/2014 23:31

I thought I didn't have the problem until I remembered how many excuses he gives for having not done something yet. Either do it by yourself or ignore him.

TheWindowDonkey · 07/12/2014 23:36

Me too, Married to Faffy McFaff. Who turns into Huffy McHuff if I in any way allude to his Faffiness.

Bifflepants · 08/12/2014 04:26

Cycling appears to be a theme here. Is there a link between faffing and being obsessed with bikes? My partner has spectacular forearms and a pretty buff body all over thanks to the cycling, but not to the faffing.

storynanny2 · 08/12/2014 08:35

Baffle, yes to the cycling theme! Although there is another lot of faffing involved in the preparation for a long bike ride.
And if the bike rack needs attaching to the car,well, what with triple checking all the straps etc, I could have ridden to the starting point whilst that was taking place.

storynanny2 · 08/12/2014 08:36

Biffle, sorry, not Baffle

mrsmilkymoo · 08/12/2014 09:46

Oh yes mamadoc, I had forgotten about the toilet trips at the airport! And what is worse with my dh is his frequent desire to go to the loo on the plane while people are still boarding. He then has to walk back from the bathroom against the flow of people finding their seats. Aggghh. Once on a small plane when he did this, I thought the plane was actually going to take off with him still in the loo!

MummyPig24 · 08/12/2014 10:03

Dh is a faffer. And he always has to cut his nails. Always, it seems like every day. Wherever we go or whatever we do we have to wait for him to cut his nails.

And in the mornings he does the wandering around the bedroom in his pants thing. This morning he missed his train so it serves him right.

Phoenixfrights · 08/12/2014 10:13

Mummypig I am slightly freaked out because DH does exactly what you describe with the nails... Grin

KnittingChristmasJumpers · 08/12/2014 13:50

DP has mild faffing tendencies but I work with a faffer who is far more infuriating. She is in at 7.00 each morning and, it seems, spends the hour before I get there reading her emails. She then tells me about all of her emails and discusses what she thinks she ought to do about them. Then she prints off all the emails and writes a list of all the emails she needs to respond to with the actions that she's going to take and the tone she's going to adopt. She does this in short hand because it's quicker. Then, at about 9.00, she starts writing her first email which invariably takes about half an hour because she has to read it out, changes her mind on the tone, tries twenty different ways of writing it before eventually sending a four line email. She is constantly asking me for my opinion the entire time this is going on.

She gets waylaid by a number of conference calls where she makes copious notes for her reference, also in shorthand, but contributes little to the calls except reiterating the point someone has already made. She then returns to writing her emails to find that she can't quite remember what she meant by a certain bit of shorthand so has to reread the original email again and then write out more notes. Throughout the day, as she responds to emails she will put the printed version in the done pile which she has a specific tray for. She also has a tray for emails she gets throughout the day that she hasn't deciphered yet - the idea of just responding to emails when they come in hasn't occurred to her. If something comes in that is urgent she phones the person who sent her the email, discusses exactly what they think should happen for a long time, starts chatting about something completely unrelated whilst they try to get off the phone, and then eventually takes half an hour to respond in email form as well. She also saves every sent email to her desktop.

When I leave at 5.30pm she still hasn't replied to all her emails for the day and invariably mentions how put-upon she is, and how much harder she works than all of us. I honestly don't think she leaves the office before 8pm.

tl;dr my colleague has turned faffing with emails into a day long art form

Mammanat222 · 08/12/2014 16:18

This thread had me laughing out loud earlier, and I was in a busy maternity waiting room Shock

I can so identify with all you poor ladies who have ended up with a faffer.

The endless cups of coffee / need for playlist to get jobs done / the fact I can get myself and DS ready much faster than he can get himself ready. Took an hour to do the washing up yesterday because he does a few things, gets distracted and wonders off then goes back to it. I can have the washing up done in about 10 minutes flat.

Everything just takes so long, drives me bonkers to be honest.

Although the upside is that he is patient and laid back. I can always have the first shower / the biggest slice of cake / choice of film..

Johnogroats · 08/12/2014 16:48

I am married to the arch Anti-Faffer. To be honest, I think I have a pretty good deal, but he does border on the OCD. No sod that, he has full on OCD for some things.

He works away, and when he comes back at weekend, he looks at the pile of (usually sorted) mail, and goes through it...why is this here, why hasn't that gone to x, this is rubbish....and out goes the baby with the bathwater.

He is pretty efficient, but when I am sitting down relaxing with the paper, he has ants in his pants, and is fixing things, and I am made to feel a bit lazy...

If he was married to my SIL (who beats ALL of the above DH's by some margin), he would have killed her. Can't blame him - so would I!!

TorchesTorches · 08/12/2014 17:03

Mine is a huge faffer. He takes 3 times longer than me to do anything. Have a shower, cook tea, do a shopping, everything is 3 times longer. His mum is the same. Drives me mad...but i can use it to my advantage...like send him to the shops with the kids knowing he won't be back for a long while!

cookiemonster100 · 08/12/2014 21:31

One faff thing my hubby does that drives me Xmas Angry is when he runs a bath, he runs it too hot & has to faff around for 20 mind until it cools. Err we do have cold water too.

storynanny2 · 08/12/2014 21:50

It is getting more and more uncanny.
My OAP faffer has caused me much stress needing a poo at the airport just as we are about to board.
So, the common traits are

  1. Cycling
  2. Last minute poos
  3. Lengthy shopping
  4. Wandering around in pants.
  5. Dishwasher avoidance
6 (a positive) laid back and patient.
  1. Lovely forearms (another positive but I could happily swap for 1-5)
storynanny2 · 08/12/2014 21:52

And going to the gym for an hour work out takes 31/2 hours including pre faffing and post faffing.

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