To wish my husband was less of a faffer?

[LennyCrabsticks]

Like now for eg. I'm sitting down with a glass of wine and his job is to bath the littlest child.

He's been preparing for twenty minutes now. He's been to the loo. He's looked for a towel. He's asked where the clean flannels are. In a minute I expect he'll actually run the bath. Meanwhile dc3 is bouncing around the living room spoiling my relaxing wine and TV time generally being not bathed and in bed.

He's the same with everything. There is no such thing as a quick job. He cooks the evening meal everyday and it takes him so long that he doesn't get much else done in the time between the end of school and dinner time. If he ever washes up (if I've cooked) it takes him over an hour. We have a dishwasher. I asked him to check the online banking the other day and by the time he'd finally fired up the laptop, been to the loo, put some music on and made a coffee before sitting down to log in, I'd done it on my phone. And then he got all huffy.

Is there anyway of training him out of faffiness? Or is it a trait I have to live with forever?

You're way off the mark TheAwfulDaughter and incredibly judgy too.

My DH is great in so many ways, but his faffing even annoys him at times but it is ingrained. If he could he would faff about everything and be very happy taking hours to do the simplest task with lots of checking things and having exactly the right soundtrack. For him the most important thing is having the most enjoyable environment to do the task in the most relaxed way. I prefer to do it in the quickest way.

He genuinely struggles when this desire to do things, in his mind, properly, clashes with the fact that time is a limited entity.

The hasty isn't a much better alternative. Shooping unpacked in 5 minutes but a tin of tomartoes in each cupboard, pots done in a flash but still have muck in the groves.

'I've done the kitchen darling you chill out' 'thank you' through gritted teeth now pissed off out so I can do it properly.

And he's a binner. Thank god I love him!

Faffing stories - love them

DS is a FIT (Faffer In Training). He's nearly 18. I will be ready, keys in hand, standing at the door, to take him to rugby. He will be faffing. In and out of every room for no particular reason, picking things up, putting stuff down. I will go and sit in the car. It will take him a further 10 minutes to join me, for reasons that i have been unable to fathom.

i am shovelling him off to university next year so that i no longer have to grind my teeth in frustration at watching the faffing unfold.

Y,y I have a faffer, needs-a-20-minute-pooer whilst we're all sat out in the car, waiting...and freezing, when it's winter.

Also, when we need to go somewhere, I watch him go into every room as if he's looking for something..."what are you looking for?" I ask. "Erm......I dunno!" he says humorously.

He's another one that has to set up a music playlist on Spotify for any house task, as well. "I'm gonna go clean the kitchen." Great, I think. 30 minutes later I go upstairs as I've finished the lounge or wherever I've tidied, and he's still sat there, dragging songs along to his playlist.

RAGERAGERAGE.

DH is a faffer extraordinaire. He's an academic though! This morning, for example, he took 21 minutes to change DD's nappy. Before he changes a nappy, he always has to 'set up the changing station'. No idea what he really means by this as everything is on the changing table ready.

He also is very very slow when he cooks - because he gets everything ready first, putting things into separate bowls etc. Eg instead of just tipping a can of tomatoes into a pan, he'll put it in a bowl first. I think he's watched too many cookery tv shows! He can't manage to do one task while another is taking place - e.g. peeling some veg while another part of the meal is cooking. No, it all has to be done at the start (and yesterday I discovered he'd used 7 knives in the process!)

In the morning, he also has a very slow and thorough wash. Which is fine, I like cleanliness in a partner. But then he'll go and shower straight after- isn't the point of the shower to get clean??? (or is this pre-wash something everyone does, and I'm the dirty one?!)

And don't get me started on the time it takes him to do a poo...actually I think I've had a little rant about this on a thread in the past.

Mines a stander. Everywhere. Sometimes I think he predicts my route of rushing round and deliberately stands in the way faffing with his phone. I never ever stand around taking the air. Ever. I used to gently move him,now I just shove him and tell him to shift

dh's quote of the morning; after we received a message ds is needed for his football team in an hour and a half an hours drive away. Me : ok boys time to get dressed dh: no what we need to do is research it. Research what exactly ? How to get dressed ??? He then proceeds to faff on his phone for 10 mins then take a 20 minute shower then get dressed for a Sunday morning football game FFS.

at faffee

On the plus side faffers all appear to have really good forearms and are very patient.

DH is a faffer, I honestly can't understand how it can possibly take him so long to do simple tasks.

DSS is a faffer in training, they are no longer allowed to go to the shop together because it takes a good 2 hours, even when they are going for a single item.

I irritate the hell out of DH because I don't "complete" tasks and he doesn't think I'm through enough.

Well we have had a minor miracle here. For weeks I've been asking dh to do a job. He has been promising to do it for ages. I count that as procrastinating, not faffing. This morning, in a burst of activity, he did it in 30 mins, no faffing at all!

He has left me to clear up the mess, but you cant win 'em all.

My ~Ds is an amazing faffer. Once he said he was getting his shoes, so we stood outside in the snow for over 15 minutes. We called him a few times, when we finally went back in the door to find him he was playing a game, and hadn't even looked for his shoes!

Yesterday he was doing me a favour, first he couldn't get up, then he needed various food items, then he had to play with his animals, then he needed a particular coat, then particular shoes (which I have to find each time) then he had an unspecified play, then he had to brush his teeth, then comb his hair etc etc etc It went on for a long long long time!

He did do the favour though so he is now my hero

Coumarin, my faffer has OK forearms, but is very very impatient.

My DH is a terrible faffer. Most weekends he gets little done as there is always a delay of several hours while he sits on the loo with his phone/tablet/laptop.

There is then a mad rush to clean the car / go shopping / ride his bike or whatever it was he had planned, resulting in his being late for dinner, the time of which I have agreed with him earlier.

It is then my fault for nagging about dinner-time

He is currently watching a DVD before we go out to eat, except he hasn't started watching yet as he's become distracted by some crap car programme he likes. That will be my fault too, as I'd said I'd prefer him to watch the DVD later, so I could watch as well - I'm doing other jobs ATM including mumsnet

The worst faffer in the house though has to be one of our two cats.

In, out, up, down, food, no food, wet food, dry food, on knee, off knee, & worst of all asking to go out then sitting just inside the open back door, rushing back in if pushed out but crying for the door to be opened again if it's then closed Dreamies in a small heap on the patio work well for this

Jux I'll have to do a separate chart.

Captain Faffass has out faffed himself .
This year I refused to write his christmas cards . 'They are your family fgs husband '.
Well he writes the cards, he then writes the envelopes . He then has two mixed up piles- one of cards , one of envelopes . Now he plays pair em up .
Why would you do this ?
Why not write card , write the envelope ,and put the two together?

oh god the music! Not only do we need a playlist for everything, but he has to slow down and start fiddling with the car radio when we are literally, and I mean literally 30 seconds from home. Why?

And when we're about to leave (late thanks to faffing), DH has to stand and list everything we are not supposed to forget. Is the back door locked? Now, I have my phone, my wallet…changing bag? Etc etc. Takes ages. Never, not once have we discovered during this that we have indeed forgotten something (we always remember it half an hour from home).

My DH chops vegetables and gets that side of things ready before he even puts the bloody kettle on. It drives me INSANE. You do that FIRST.

There are lots of things like this. I'll ask him to tidy the childrens' room and 10 mins later I'll hear him pick up the guitar, having picked up 2 toys and then remembered a song he wants to learn. There are no words.

Proud owner of a faffing DH here too

Mistimed loo trips especially in airports- check
Takes hours to bath DC- check
Almost never actually finishes a task (unpacks all shopping except one bag of spuds, loads dishwasher but doesn't switch it on, puts washing in doesn't take it out again). Usual explanation of this 'I got sidetracked'. This makes me stabby.

Yesterday we had a prime example of the non-job: I took DS to a soft play party. I suggested this would be an ideal opportunity to put up the Christmas tree with DD whilst toddler DS is out of the way. We were out for 3h and when I got back no tree just boxes of Christmas decorations all over the floor.
DH thought it was more crucial to put stabilisers on DS bike (despite said bike being far too big yet and December probably not ideal for learning) and do some pruning in the garden.
He was upset that I did not give him any credit for doing these tasks.
Then he got more upset that he was having to look for the tree stand in the shed in the dark and that DD and DS were fighting over the baubles.

I don't think it is deliberate on his part.
He is very calm, kind, laid back, never shouts, patient but he's just no good at organising, prioritising etc
He does do 50% of practical parenting in our house (both work pretty much FT so he has to).
He is willing to do household tasks but he doesn't pro-actively figure out what needs doing and when and he is inefficient.
I'm fairly sure he is an equal opportunities faffer and does it at work too.
I try not to pick up after him or take over because it's patronising but it does wind me up.

Oh yes and he thinks that listening to the radio is a separate activity not something you do whilst washing up or cooking. I regularly find him staring into space leaning on a kitchen counter and when asked what he's doing 'listening to the radio'.
FFS

His forearms are nothing to write home about but he makes my breakfast every day

Oh and if we (I) say we've got to sort the spare room out as it's become a dumping ground he'll agree. Then I grab the bin bags, and am up in the spare room.

He's in the kitchen making a coffee before making a list of what to do.

But he does have lovely legs. and I do luffs him but he is a FAFFER!

His Dad is the same.

I once cooked a meal in his Dad's house. With him and his Dad faffing, advising, contradicting each other, wandering off with the prawns I wanted to cook, bringing the prawns back as I might need them, putting music on (is it too loud?), taking the new tablecloth off that I had put on the table 5 minutes earlier (as it's nice to have a new one for a special meal), putting the serving spoons away in the drawer I had just got them out of... I came home that night and hit the gin.

Today my DH went to get milk while we played in a playground and waited for him. I was about 10% convinced he had actually decided to leave me, he was that long coming back.

DH doesn't have the forearms but my - his legs are divine from cycling...