To wish my husband was less of a faffer?

[LennyCrabsticks]

Like now for eg. I'm sitting down with a glass of wine and his job is to bath the littlest child.

He's been preparing for twenty minutes now. He's been to the loo. He's looked for a towel. He's asked where the clean flannels are. In a minute I expect he'll actually run the bath. Meanwhile dc3 is bouncing around the living room spoiling my relaxing wine and TV time generally being not bathed and in bed.

He's the same with everything. There is no such thing as a quick job. He cooks the evening meal everyday and it takes him so long that he doesn't get much else done in the time between the end of school and dinner time. If he ever washes up (if I've cooked) it takes him over an hour. We have a dishwasher. I asked him to check the online banking the other day and by the time he'd finally fired up the laptop, been to the loo, put some music on and made a coffee before sitting down to log in, I'd done it on my phone. And then he got all huffy.

Is there anyway of training him out of faffiness? Or is it a trait I have to live with forever?

DH is also a pointless sub-level shopping unpacker. I asked him, in exasperation, why he was carefully arranging the groceries on the worktop instead of just putting them away.

He looked at me as though I were deranged and replied "So I can put them away." He really didn't see how it was more efficient to just, you know, put them straight into the cupboards.

It takes him 15 minutes to close down his laptop last thing at night. And again the pained expression when I point out I can do it in less than 30 seconds.

But the thing which really enrages me is the button on the car zapper. When we go out as a family there are three of us hanging around the locked car, waiting for DH to close the front door, yank up the handle, lock the door, test the handle, give the door a little push to make absolutely certain his technique has worked.

Just press the fucking button while you're coming out of the door!!

(I may have flipped and whisper-screeched this recently, which of course resulted in the pained look mentioned above)

Does anyone else get the "I'm just checking something" response - if you remind them about something they said they were about to do, and/or re: leaving the house in time for an appointment etc ?

"Checking something" does of course actually mean "I just have to piss about on my phone/tablet for at least 10 minutes because god forbid that in my 40s I might ^miss out in real time on something really 'interesting' that someone's just posted on fucking Facebook and I won't get first dibs at posting up a witty response so boo hoo all my FB 'friends' (FFS) won't then see how 'cool' I still am" .... or somesuch pointless shite.

And then when you try to chivvy them along you get the affronted "I said I was just checking something" thrown back at you in a snarky tone. So bloody what if you're making us late or avoiding something that needs doing.

Same thing here. My husband works from home and has designated today as a 'clean the workroom' day. He's currently playing his guitar which he left in there and not cleaning anything as far as I can gather. When I ask him to take DD if she's grumbling he'll say, 'Hang on while I go to the toilet.' And don't get me started in the washing up

This is a great thread

Mine isn't really a faffer, but he does this thing where once in a blue moon, he says he's going to 'deep clean' the bathroom. 3 hours later (the bathroom is tiny), he is done, and totally self-satisfied for the whole day. Never mind that I clean the bathroom twice a week, every week, my medal is sadly lacking.

And the 'do a job that doesn't need doing'.... my ex husband once made a rabbit hutch in the garden to get out of something he didn't fancy doing. And we didn't even have a rabbit.

Mine is currently 'weighing up' (his words) the best way to put the Christmas lights up as he wasn't sure last years way was best.

Faffing since 08.30am.

Still no lights, but he's had tea / breakfast, rang his dad and consulted the screwfix catalogue about hooks.

We have hooks up already

I'm refusing to do it and have taken refuge at our neighbours while her husband barracks him from the window.

Does anyone else's faffer have a coat crisis when leaving the house?
Mine has a debate about which one he should wear to each occasion and weather dependent.
He worried so much he took a coat to the desert!

I have the King of Faffers at home here. It's official.

If I've asked him to do something like for instance "would you mind unpacking the dishwasher" or "any chance you could just take that out to the wheelie bin?" it doesn't happen. So hours later I just think sod it, I'll do it meself. He then jumps up and says in a loud voice "would you believe it, I was just about to do that!!"
Always the same comment. It could be 10 minutes after I've asked him, or half a day - either way, he was always just about to do it.

And he opens the fridge door and just stares inside as if he is expecting a steaming hot roast dinner to be in there. Stares and stares at the contents. I did ask him yesterday if there was a telly in there.

If I don't get my OH to the car immediately we leave the house he'll wander off to mess with the bins (which don't need messing with) or to look at the gate which we don't use and is permanently open and walking into town is like going with a toddler as he wants to stop and look at everything and anything then halfway through whatever we're buying he'll say "are we done, can we go home now?"

Unless it's something he wants to buy, of course.

at some of these.

DH is one of those who can't put something down. It has to be handed to me. A shaken / stretched piece of laundry, can't put it on the airer, he waits until I have finished and hands it over. Cup of tea? Can't put it on the side or the coffee table if I have my hands full, just stands there arm outstretched. Why?

My DH too! I simply cannot understand why it takes him so long to do stuff! Actually, yes I can. He gets sidetracked with reading something on his phone off the Internet a lot. His task planning is also abysmal. For example, cooking dinner while I'm putting DD to bed. I'll come down 10-15 minutes later and he'll be looking at his phone, or filling the sink to wash up, or weighing out the rice/pasta that he won't need for another 20 minutes, but won't actually have started cooking . I would put the dinner on to start, THEN do those other things. Different brains work different ways I guess but it is still bloody infuriating Same for getting ready to go out. Good job I fancy him!

Putting the kettle on then wandering off!

By the time you have the cups, tea sugar and milk ready the kettle is almost boiled anyway and there is always something to wipe or clean in a kitchen.

Kettle gets forgotten until the next time. Ends up being boiled four times in succession aaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh!

Hmmm, DP is not really a faffer but he is a putter-off-er or is easily distacted by his phone. When leaving the house he has put his coat and shoes on (no faffing) then stands reading his phone, then after 5 mins he asks why am I only just putting my shoes on and what have I been doing.

Whilst he was reading I tracked down 2 year old DD's socks, wrestled to put her shoes whilst she throws herself around screaming NO, wrested her into her coat, got her bag of nappies etc ready, filled up her cup with milk, find my purse from where she has emptied it, then finally get my shoes on, then DP asking what have I been doing???

DP is doing his hobby tonight which involves being outside so needs lots of warm clothes, hats, gloves, maps, torches etc. He was leaving at 2.30, told him at 11 to start getting his warm gear and waterproof clothing together, "yes dear" he says. He starts getting everything together at 2.15, so cant find his hats. Cue lots of moaning and blaming me, then leaves the house late. Then comes back because he forgot his map.

Everything is last minute with him.

Another faffer here. It goes with "I really must do…..". What really needs doing just never gets done. I point out mildly that perhaps just getting on and doing it might be the way forward. No luck. When I lose the will to live and do it myself it's "I was just going to do that".

What I refuse to do is tidy his study. It looks like an explosion in a print works. When I suggest that putting things in a file (or at least not scattered over the floor and every horizontal surface) might actually save him effort and time he says "I know where everything is". Errr, in which case why did it take him an hour to find a missing GP prescription he was supposed to hand in? That was because it was in a waste bin behind his desk where it had fallen off the back as he balanced more and more stuff on the front and middle. Needless to say the breakfast bar and the dining room table are permanently covered with abandoned paperwork, assorted bits and pieces and other unrecognisable junk. But hey are they horizontal surfaces - that's what they are for, no?

DH is one of those who can't put something down. It has to be handed to me. A shaken / stretched piece of laundry, can't put it on the airer, he waits until I have finished and hands it over. Cup of tea? Can't put it on the side or the coffee table if I have my hands full, just stands there arm outstretched. Why?

Yes- why? DH does exactly the same thing!

Classic !I was just about to do that" moment just now:- Dh was on the loo when he pronounced that the reason his pants felt a bit tight was because I must have muddled them up with ds1's (not as bad as you might think- ds1 is 18). So he comes out of the loo, pants up, trousers half down as he gazed in puzzlement at his underwear, pulls them up and starts off down the stairs.

"Are you going to flush the loo?" I enquired.
"I was just about to do that!" was his reply, complete with injured expression.

Forgive me for being cynical, but it's my belief that most people do that before exiting the lavatory area...

how can there be so many of them? Here's DP:

Yes to the just-before-leaving coat / shoes crisis
Yes to the 20-minute poo as the rest of us are ready to walk through the door, coats on
Yes to starting cooking the rice after the rest of the food is ready (and no, we wouldn't use instant rice)
Yes to standing there, usually in the way
Yes to the non-job
Yes to the demanding day job with lots of responsibility

Uncanny. It must be a syndrome! What are we going to call it??

He (not we) wouldn't use instant rice

Stupid autocorrect

This thread is making me cringe, I'm not as bad as the worst examples here, but I definitely need to think before I do anything and take several times as long as my DH. My DH is the efficient one in our house.

I will admit I am a gaffer but hubby is too. but since I employed "expectation management" into our lives our stress levels decreased.

like if he says he will make me a cup of tea, I expect it to be !made then. however if he says he will do it in an hour then that's fine. I know it will be an hour.

if I say I'm going to do my !make up, I say "I'll be thirty minutes" or ten or 90. then we know where we stand and we aren't both having doifferent mind sets. we both have the same goal. we do this with everything. can see m quite .... banal I guess but it works for us!

Ooh the handing me stuff too. We plate the takeaway up, he faffs, I sit down and start eating, he brings in a napkin then stands there holding it out so I take it from him. I don't really need a napkin.

He also calls them serviettes. I should probably LTB

Dh is the opposite. He rushes everything, including us out of the house, resulting in the forgetting of important things. He has delicious forearms though....

oooh also. yes yes yes to the standing in random places. and to forearms. I do like them!

He did it again earlier with the post. I was washing up. It's a pizza leaflet not a subpoena, put it down!

My XH was an awful faffer. I regularly used to get so enraged, I would fantasise about stabbing forks through his eyeballs .

Sadly, 12 year old DS seems to have followed in his footsteps .

Dp has a demanding Job and does really well, he is a faffer at home though. For example he will start several jobs at once and then doesn't complete half of them.

The amount of times he starts making cups of tea and then forgets leaving the bag in for 1/2 hour etc

However he does do things I hate, like unpacking the dosh washer and takes the bins out and clears up with the dc have sick bugs and he gets up with the kids I the night so I don't ever comment on the stuff he forgets to do. We are all human.

He has nice arms too.