To wish my husband was less of a faffer?

[LennyCrabsticks]

Like now for eg. I'm sitting down with a glass of wine and his job is to bath the littlest child.

He's been preparing for twenty minutes now. He's been to the loo. He's looked for a towel. He's asked where the clean flannels are. In a minute I expect he'll actually run the bath. Meanwhile dc3 is bouncing around the living room spoiling my relaxing wine and TV time generally being not bathed and in bed.

He's the same with everything. There is no such thing as a quick job. He cooks the evening meal everyday and it takes him so long that he doesn't get much else done in the time between the end of school and dinner time. If he ever washes up (if I've cooked) it takes him over an hour. We have a dishwasher. I asked him to check the online banking the other day and by the time he'd finally fired up the laptop, been to the loo, put some music on and made a coffee before sitting down to log in, I'd done it on my phone. And then he got all huffy.

Is there anyway of training him out of faffiness? Or is it a trait I have to live with forever?

Oh god- DP is like this, and FIL is if anything worse. This will be long but today was a perfect example. We've just moved house, and I took 4 month old out for three hours this afternoon leaving the two of them here. In this time DS had jabs, I had a doctors appointment, we went to the post office, purchased Christmas cards and bits for new kitchen and popped into my mum's to say hello. When I got back, I found DP and FIL sitting nursing tea, apparently exhausted. Apart from finding 6 (!!) half drink mugs of tea in the kitchen, there were no obvious changes. On closer questioning, it turns out that DP spent most of the time arranging the still to be unpacked boxes in DS's room so there was more floor space. Which he doesn't need because he's still sleeping in with us. FIL meanwhile decided the screws that hold our dining table together looked a bit sad, so went to b and q to buy new ones, which didn't fit. So then he put it back together with the old ones. They had also semi-unpacked the CDs so as to have good music on in the background. The living room meanwhile is still a sea of boxes and DP has no boot socks for going back to work tomorrow. They were both quite surprised that I was not impressed by their labours!

My DH is a faffer. Drives me round the bend.

Unfortunately he faffs at work too.

I know this because once his boss asked me if I found his faffiness charming or infuriating (with the implication that it annoyed the hell out of her).

He is good at at job though because it requires incredible patience, which he has in abundance (unlike me it would seem ).

Yep my DH is a faffer too. Just wondering if anyone else's faffer dh 'can't do' things? Like any kind of correspondence from school - he can't do that. Never saw it, wouldn't know how to deal with it. Or a recipe he's not used before - if I've made it once I've got some magical knowledge of the recipe and he couldn't possibly do it himself. Or if he actually attempts a task, he wants his hand holding at every step. 'We eat yellow bananas right? Can you check?' Grrr.

Yonic, he has been to the GP many times. I would be far more sympathetic if he had ever been diagnosed with anything, but it always comes back as everything fine, must be stress...

SneakretSanta that reminds me of when we moved house and fil came round to 'help' and spent a happy afternoon moving boxes around so DH could get to his phone in his office, despite the fact that DH had a weeks holiday and didn't actually need his work phone (and, in fact, I was actively trying to avoid him having access to it for as long as possible!)

It would have been so much more helpful if he'd taken my two year old to the park so I could have actually got on with some proper unpacking!

Love him though!

Mine is not like this at all, he is like me, extremely quick and impatient.

Arrive home from school 3.20pm, girls in and out of the shower (x3) with hair washed by 3.45 (as I work evenings I often do pre-tea showers).

He's just as quick.

Can non-faffers have successful relationships with faffers, or late people with early people???

My husband is a faffer combined with laziness. He's does my fucking head & it's the cause of 99% of our rows. Some days I can tolerate it better than others - today was not one of those days!!

Our tumble dryer is in the shed. At 12midday he puts his work clothes in it. It's now 1030pm & clothes are still in tumble dryer, despite me telling him to retrieve them about 20 times. Apparently he will do it in the morning & is now away to bed. I refuse to get them out myself but god I have the rage!!!

Sometimes I just do the things but some things I just totally refuse to do despite them grating on me like hoovering the stairs with the heaviest dyson known to man.

Were moving to a bungalow next yr with a utility room & it think it will solve a lot but not his untidiness unfortunately!!!

He takes half an hr everytime he goes to the toilet & has the most disgusting smelly feet, my mum actually thought our baby had a dirty nap once they were that bad. I yell at him to make a doctors app to discuss. Infact on Monday I am making him do so! Rank.

Thanks everyone, I've been feeling a bit crap about being single today, but I'm feeling slightly better after reading this! It sounds incredibly frustrating.

I have a faffer too.

He wanders around saying he has got so much to do (this being the housework while I work from home) and makes intensive to-do lists of his tasks. If he just did them it would be quicker. He'll disturb me working to ask what lunch will be (when we agreed it at breakfast) then come back 5 minutes later to ask what time I want lunch. (Not fussed, ever; just when it's ready at some time between 12-2 is good)

He's been making excuses not to have his eyes tested for over 7 years. His glasses are broken (think Jack Duckworth?)

If he spots me doing something like cooking, he'll come in and watch me and then make "suggestions" as to how it could be better done (clue: one of us has trained as a chef, the other one didn't - he didn't)

I'll come downstairs and find him happily playing a game on his puter with the vacuuming needing doing - it's the sort of thing that I would note needed doing and do while waiting for the potatoes to boil but he would watch the potatoes instead. Am I the only one in my house who can empty the dishwasher and put a load of washing on while making breakfast?

As for getting him to make a phone call - he won't do it if he can possibly fill the time until the company he's calling has closed. And boy, can he fill time.
Doing Nothing.

Drives me up the wall.

He sounds chilled, just enjoying life. dh not a faffer so have romantic view

I win. Dh is decluttering. It's mostly my stuff (of course) but also putting together ds's Lego kits. House is in chaos.

Roaring at Gelfbride :)

DH faffs like this. I'm pretty sure that he started doing it so no-onewould ever ask him to do anything, and it then became a habit he can't break. I'm like you in that I think this will lead to divorce as his supreme procrastination drives me insane. 25 minutes to make a cuppa!

I have found my people. I knew you were out there....

DH is the worst faffer. It drives me round the effing bend.

It's inherited from MIL who by all accounts frequently used to take 3 hours to make a weekday tea with the result that DH as a child did not usually eat tea until 830 pm ... I take a stash of snacks to tide over the kids now when we go and stay

I had the ultimate once with DH. I was pregnant and permanently nauseous. He'd been out with his best man and came back pissed, and went to bed. At some point he woke up feeling sick. In that situation you just get to the loo as quickly as you can, right?

Not so for DH. He got up, found his dressing gown, and faffed around trying to find his slippers. Naturally, he didn't make to the loo and threw up in the bedroom.

I now felt even more nauseous and the smell was making it worse. I ended up decamping to sleep on the sofa and told him he was totally on his own clearing it up, and he'd better make a damn good job of it. I suspect he faffed around for the rest of the night, but at least I didn't care as I had earplugs in.

Does anyone else's faffer have "must go to the loo at inconvenient times" syndrome?

We'll be getting ready to go out. I'll have showered, dried my long hair, put make up on etc, he'll be faffing about. He'll see I'm close to ready, still faffing. He'll inevitably wait until DD and I are opening the front door, with shoes and coats on, to decide he needs the loo. Every.Fucking.Time. It's just taken me 30 minutes to dry my hair etc, FFS use the loo then rather than waiting until the time we need to leave!

Packing the car for a holiday...
Him 'you'll never fit all that in '.
Notice the 'you'll '!!

My god this thread is like coming home!!
Forearms are a necessity for wiping their arses but frankly are no provider of lasting happiness .

My husband never cooks or shops, so no idea how he'd fare at that ...

He is not a faffer in general

Very decisive and....with great forearms

It's me who is faffy, and my forearms are not great either

StatisticallyChallenged - yes to the loo thing! DP waits until I'm ready, coat on, by the door. Then he goes to the loo and not for a short visit. Sometimes there's a taxi waiting which I now refuse to get in until he leaves the house with me - he HATES this.

We've also had a row in many a hotel as he likes to wait until after checkout time then go to the loo or have a shower. Leaving me to deal with the inevitable phone call or door knock. I've got tough now and wait in reception and tell him I hope they walk in on him.

If it wasn't for me we would never go on holiday. In the early days of our relationship he was invited, solo, to a wedding in Malta. Despite accepting the invite six months before, he left it until the DAY before to book his flight. El cheapo direct was full and he ended up going via Madrid for £££. He moaned like crazy about his misfortune?

I'm going to write an article for The Lancet and push for Faffer to get recognised medical status .
It's a syndrome known to have life changing effects with the whole family picking up the pieces and compensating. Children also end up caring for the Faffee ,often secretly working to aid the sufferer in their day to day activities .
Faffing threatens friendships and marriages . The problem needs greater understanding and awareness .

Is it worse having an intermittent faffer? So I know DH can do things quickly if required - he can get the kids out the door in the morning on time, he's never late for appointments so it can be done.

But the loo just before we need to leave, check. The faffing around with the lights when we're all packed and ready to leave to go away, check. And the worst one of all - the non-job. You know, the one that needs to be done but not right NOW. "Oh I was just doing this" he says when you ask why tea isn't ready or the kids are half killing each other.

The best one was when we were about to go away for the weekend. He decided to clean the phone. Not the actual phone, but an old phone.

But he does have forearms so that is handy.

Oooh, I have one, I have one!!

DH is due to go away today and tonight on his own. He has an open ticket and the trains are half hourly. He said he needed to leave the house at 7.45 so 'would just have half a game of Fifa first'.* I pointed out (at 7.50, because I am not watching clocks for him) that it was 7.50. He went 'oh shit' and said 'well, I suppose now I should leave for the next one at 8.15. I'll play the other half of the game'.

Guess what happened when he saw the clock at 8.20?

He is currently making me a cup of tea and I have returned to bed because I could actually see this going on endlessly and I wouldn't get my lovely weekend of peace and quiet

He is also the absolute worst for losing stuff.

• By the way, does anyone have a 'half a...' DH? As in, 'I'll have half a cup of tea' or 'half a cigarette' and then do it? No DH you won't have half of one. You will have a whole one. Don't try and make it sound like it's going to take any less than an hour.

Dh is a faffer extraordinaire!
Bathing 3 children and getting them to bed usually takes an hour and a half for him. I can do it in 30 mins. I usually catch him sitting on the toilet on his phone whilst the kids are sitting in a cold bath bickering!
He takes a good 20 mins to shower and 20mins to get dressed. Does anyone else's Dh do the really annoying pacing around the room thing when getting dressed? He will open the drawer which hold his pants and socks, then look in it and shut it before walking to the other side of the room, then come back, open the wardrobe door, stare inside vacantly then shut it, walk out of the room and up and down the landing, then finally return to open his pants drawer, hold up about 3 different pairs then finally select one. The whole process is repeated for each item of clothing. Why, just why??

My DH is a faffer.

He spent all of last weekend just sitting around then decided at 8pm on Sunday night (ie kids bedtime, bathtime and time for getting stuff ready for Monday!) that he had something super-urgent to do for work, and kept getting stressy with me and asking me to get him things and pass him things. He didn't like it when I reminded him that he'd had ALL WEEKEND to do this so-called urgent task but that it'd been his choice to wait until Sunday night!

He also does things such as decides to clean the buggy when we've had a long day out and are all tired and ready in the car to go home. WHY?!!

Every time I read a thread like this I deduce that I must be a man and DH must be a woman

I am totally the faffer in our house. DH is efficient, logical and decisive. It makes me feel all flustered and panicky because I don't understand how he does things so quickly, and suspect him of cutting corners to do so.

He does stuff like when we discuss needing something, I say I'll go and look in TK Maxx tomorrow, and then when I change my mind and decide that the next day would be more efficient, he orders a cheap set on amazon. It's annoying because he doesn't bother to look at the different options and we end up with cheap shit because it was the first one he saw.

Chandon, I'm glad I wasn't the first female faffer on the thread. Let us stand in togetherness! And have a cup of tea, or five