Air travel stories nice or nasty (lighthearted)

[HappyAgainOneDay]

I was on a long haul flight and a stewardess flight attendant was serving redwine out of a bottle. Someone jogged her arm and wine was spilt onto my light blue, cotton blouse. A wipe didn't help so the conscientious stewardess took the blouse away to rinse it (I was wearing a tee shirt underneath) but it made no difference. To keep me warm overnight, I was presented with a First Class cabin sleepsuit pair of pyjamas. I was so pleased.

PS the red wine stain did come out of my light blue blouse

We flew to Australia from London with DDs aged 4 and 1 at the time (had to go due to family occasion). DD 2 had a double ear infection (she was prone to them at this age, usually once a month) and I had my suspicions one was brewing when we boarded the flight. We honestly had THE WORST flight of our lives. DD 2 refused to sleep for 24 fucking hours, did a lot of crying and would only be cuddled by DH for the entire 2 legs. She had a bassinet which she could barely squeeze into and when we did manage to get her off to sleep in this we could guarantee there was turbulence about 20 minutes later in which we were forced to get her out and hold her (policy on aircraft). I really could have cried all the way there. Bloody hate flying with kids.

Our airline got caught in a snow storm flying into New York and we had to land at some godforsaken abandoned US airbase in upstate New York. The pilot opened the door for ventilation and a US police officer took it upon himself to walk up the steps.

The pilot tore out of the cabin like a demon possessed and in his very best RAF officer voice told the police officer where to go as he was on UK sovereign territory.

Brilliant!

Once I got on a flight to Luxembourg in an old Fokker. It was so small and crowded inside I started to get claustrophobic. In a strangled voice, I told the man in the seat next to me that I was getting off and asked him to let me pass. He said, in a voice both calming and authoritative, sit down. I am a doctor, if necessary I will medicate you. I sat.

He was very interesting. worked on one of those ships that anchors offshore to treat people in war-torn countries.

I have a nice one:

I asked a steward for a stick of gum because my ears were hurting. He starting being loud and obnoxious like "You're asking me for a stick of gum??". Then he asked my name and made a big song and dance of asking passengers next to me "Bulbasaur needs a stick of gum, do you have one?" It was done in a very funny and teasing way. Everyone was having fun. Someone gave me some gum, and later he invited me to the back to enjoy some chocolate cake that they had extras of from the first class meals. He also gave a piece of chocolate cake to the man who gave me some gum for being a good sport. :)

On a flight with many children with disabilities, the captain's address to the plane was stand up comedy worthy! The children and adults were roaring with laughter and it really worked to dispel any worries the children had. I still think of that address when a captain makes a joke to the plane. There are some excellent flight attendant staff safety routines I've seen over the years too. Keeps me watching in case there's a humorous aside.

Pegasus airlines have fun films for the safety routines

Worst flight was Cairns to Bali. It was the last night of an epic girls' road trip and we'd got absolutely blathered. I'm proud to say I won a table dancing competition that night! Got on the plane and got sicker as the flight progressed to the extent I was vomiting every 5 minutes and tonsillitis had set in. I finally managed to get to sleep with a glass of water in my hand and poured it into the crotch of the v nice Italian man next to me.

Best flight was St Petersburg to London on bonfire night. I'd been travelling overland from Beijing for 3 weeks for a month and was knackered. I got on the BA flight and was offered tea and cake and was delighted. As we flew over London i could see the fireworks popping below. Magical

I'm addicted to airports, aeroplanes and aviation too!

Chose to work on planes, far too many stories to choose from!!

When I was about 15 my dad and I flew to Singapore as he had some sort of work junket and mum was terrified of flying and so he took me. On the way back, we were sitting next to a Singaporean woman who was utterly completely desperately terrified of flying and was hyperventilating into a paper bag before we even were taxi-ing onto the runway.

My dad is a very kind soul and always wants to help people, but sometimes he does not really think. It was in the days when they automatically handed out newspapers, and he patted the arm of the woman, leaned over and showed her the front page and commented kindly 'It does not really help when they give us things like this does it?' -the front page was all about a massive plane crash.

He knew he had dropped a clanger straight away when the woman set up wailing. So he quickly passed her his whiskey which she took with some sort of pill and then she slept the whole way back to London, and had to be shaken awake when we landed upon which she promtply vomited into his lap.

I told him it served him right, and to his credit he agreed.

I got an upgrade to business class on Emirates once , twas luvverly! and has forever ruined further long haul travel

Oh, a flight from Bangkok to Siem Reap in a twin prop something or other was interesting when we hit severe turbulence coming out of the clouds above Bangkok, cue much screaming, wailing and gnashing of teeth

I went on a group touring holiday to Sri Lanka. Seated with two guys from the trip on the 11-hour return flight, children in front decided to spend the first four hours or so jumping around in their seats, culminating in a puppet show over the top of the seats.

Parents completely uninterested in our pleas for it to stop so we could sleep.

One of the guys lost it, grabbed the puppet off the kids and said they could have it back at the end of the flight and when they learned to behave.

Predictably, lots of crying and parental outrage then ensued, with me slinking down in my seat, all hope of sleep lost.

Another long haul lone flight, sat next to a lady who spent most of the flight filling up an empty notebook with tally marks. Only stopped for the meal and when 13 Going On 30 started on the overhead televisions.

Flying from Skiathos to Gatwick with a planned fuel stop in Thessaloniki.
This was a daytime flight. The skies went black, there was lightening and the plane plunging up and down. Seat-belts on.
It was all a bit exciting, kids chattering and whooping. Coming into land at Thessaloniki and something went a bit wrong! All of a sudden the landing was aborted and the plane felt as though it was doing a vertical take off. Silence!!
Second attempt failed with same vertical take off. Serious silence now!
Back up in the sky, plunging up and down the Senior Steward speaks and tells us we will be landing in Athens to refuel and the Captain will speak soon.
To which my DH in a load voice exclaims "After the Pilot has changed his pants!" Kids old enough to understand laugh! Parents traumatised.
I was prepared to die that day, strange feeling, I wasn't scared at all!
Thought it was the end!

Used to be married to BA worker. This had some lovely benefits, as he knew all sorts of people in foreign airports.

I have flown first no fewer then THREE TIMES. Oh yes. Tis the way to go.

Although one of those times I wasn't well and didn't want any of the fancy canapés and stuff, and asked for a boiled egg. The crew looked crestfallen. You can't boil water at thirty thousand feet, they explained! The egg was... Runny. All of it. Blech

Not a great one, we were flying from Sydney to Singapore on the way back from Aus, in the premium economy section so there were only about 12 other people. It was a night flight but no one got any sleep because there was a little girl of about 2 or 3 who spent the whole time (about 7 hours I think) screaming and crying that she wanted her daddy. Some of us tried to distract her but she just would not be comforted. She also puked lavishly over herself and mum on final approach. The poor mother looked grey. As we got off every woman gave her a sympathetic squeeze of the shoulder.

The worst thing was that the flight attendant mentioned to me and DH that Daddy was up in first class

Me and DH went to Florida before we had the kids (very selfish of us).We went in the january and flew with Virgin.The flight was about a quarter full.So we had a whole row of seats each to ourselves.Slept spread out across them most of the way!

Went to visit friends in Switzerland on DD's 6th birthday.She'd never flown before so I told her what would happen;we'd taxi for a bit but then the plane had to go really,really fast in order to take off. As the plane gathered speed along the runway,DD gripped the arms of her seat.When it took off she threw her hands in the air and screamed "Woooohooooo!!!" like she was on a roller coaster! Hilarious!

On the way back from another visit to Switzerland, we were waiting in departures to leave.As easyjet is a budjet airline (which I don't have a problem with) there are no seat number allocations. I never bothered pushing to the front as I figured that we'd all get a seat.Anyway, one guy was not going to wait-he came from nowhere,and was bloody determined to get to the front.He pushed his way through in front of everybody.Perhaps he thought the plane would leave a bit quicker....
Anyway, it gave us great delight and lots of laughter when we went through customs at Luton and the custom officers had stopped him,and had all his luggage tipped out.....

I was flying back from Boston to London on BA last month and the woman in front of me, just after the seatbelt sign was switched off, reclined her chair so far back it was pretty much under my boobs. I was knackered, worried about a lot of stuff back home and did not have the energy to argue with this woman, who was sending back her coffee for being too hot and imperiously batting away the FA who got her a replacement. I didn't want to put my seat that far back as the person behind me was in the back row and therefore couldn't recline themself. So I was sat there with my book almost leaning against this woman's head.

There was a lady I didn't know sitting beside me and, when I got up to go to the toilet, she told Mrs Arsehole that her seat was too far back, and gently pushed it forward. Mrs Arsehole was raging but I was grateful for that woman being assertive for me when I didn't have it in me.

No idea if she was a MNer, but if you were sitting near the back of a BA plane from Boston Logan to Heathrow on Saturday 8 November - thank you!

not so fun - the emergency landing at Goose Bay in Canada, no seatbelts on a flight in an old russian plane in Turkmenistan and a similar experience on a small, very poor West African country. Or Ghana airways anything.

fun - first class upgrade to Bangkok, free duty free, empty flights back from Joburg and KL - whole row all to myself. Very good food and sleep!

I also love long distance train travel. But not so much the loos. Or the Dhaka - Bamako leg of an overland I did.

I've been on two awful flights.

The first was with my grandad and step nan on a long haul. Both are frequent flyers and usually go with virgin, but on this occasion picked BA. Having pre booked their favourite seats, they were told they would have to move as another passenger needed them more. The man that sat in my grandads seat was a lot younger and fitter than he was, and we were put behind them. Que stepnan making loud comments about someone being in her seat. The entire flight was endless complaints about the food, cabin temp, poor service. The stewardess ended up in tears and refused to go near them, and my grandparents have never set foot in a BA plane since.

The second awful flight was on the way home from a funeral. Dd is an excellent flyer and has genuinely never cause a scene. On this one flight the lady in front would stick her face through the gap in the seats and tut whenever dd spoke or
moved. I was in tears by the end and waited last to get off so I didn't have to face them at baggage claim.

Estonian Air has a pilot called Yuri Gagarin. I have flown with him several times.

Long haul flight to Thailand. Guy in front of me lit up a cigarette and started to smoke after his dinner this was in 2003! I leaned over and had a go as did the rather appalled stewardess! But it took three members of crew to get him to stop.

I have friends working as cabin crew on different airlines. Apparently on flights from certain destinations, it's expected that at least some passengers will take dump in the aisle, as they have never seen a toilet before.