Air travel stories nice or nasty (lighthearted)

[HappyAgainOneDay]

I was on a long haul flight and a stewardess flight attendant was serving redwine out of a bottle. Someone jogged her arm and wine was spilt onto my light blue, cotton blouse. A wipe didn't help so the conscientious stewardess took the blouse away to rinse it (I was wearing a tee shirt underneath) but it made no difference. To keep me warm overnight, I was presented with a First Class cabin sleepsuit pair of pyjamas. I was so pleased.

PS the red wine stain did come out of my light blue blouse

I am finding this hilarious as so many of these are Canada related.

Wonder what that says about my DBro who is a trolley dolly flight attendant for Air Canada

Boy he has some stories let me tell you.

When a passenger dies in flight, apparently the body is covered with a blanket and strapped into a window seat, with an ABP (Able Bodied Passenger, and presumably one who doesn't mind) next to it. But no-one ever officially dies in the air. Time and place of death are always on the ground once landed.

Had to fly to Australia via Malaysia once and the flight to Malaysia was awful. Hardly any leg room, packed plane, airplane turkey dinner (it was christmas) and I was sat next to the galley which felt claustrophobic and was noisy. By contrast, the KL to Australia flight was luxurious and I had five seats to stretch out on!

Flying back to London from New York once and the woman sat next to me had some sort of fit and collapsed on me! She spent the rest of the flight laid on the floor near the toilets (was a bit shocked they didn't take her to lie down in First tbh) and I had two seats to myself!

Most recent flight by myself to Australia with 7 month old DS was fine but I never understand why people who choose the bulkhead seat get annoyed that there are babies sat there. If you don't like crying babies then don't ask to sit in a bass isn't seat!

Best flight: Flying home from Malaysia with dd who was 13 months old, we managed to get a bassinet and off we went. You can always see the faces of surrounding passengers fall when you sit down with your small child, can't you? But dd spent the whole flight sitting bolt upright on her bassinet waving regally to Malay grandmothers, who all adored her. She was cuddled and poked and kissed for the whole 12 hour day flight (except when napping) and when we got off the plane pretty much everyone said what a joy she had been. She was like a tiny ambassador.

Worst flight: Made good time to Hong Kong, and then sat in a holding pattern over mainland China for what felt like years. There was a typhoon, and we had to land in it. Eventually the pilot came on and told us that one plane had managed to get down and we were going in. One attempt, he said, and then we're off to a different airport coz we're running out of fuel. Hold on tight, he said, it will be bumpy.
It was the only time I've ever heard an FA scream. Holy crap it was scary. The plane creaked and shuddered, felt like the fucking wings were coming off. When we got down there was a long silence and then half the cabin cheered and the other half burst into tears. We went straight to a bar for a stiff drink.

We were on the last flight ever of a plane back from NY once. The pilot hadn't told us and came on the tannoy at the end. He gave us a run down of how well the plane had flown the trip, how perfectly thre autopilot had worked etc etc, then asked us to give the plane a round of applause as it was its final passenger journey. We all clapped and the attendents were in tears

Coming back from Amsterdam at the beginning of November flying over London around 7-8pm on a clear night we caught glimpses of firework displays from above. It was beautiful.

Flying out to Switzerland on "Air Cheap and Cheerful". Plane delayed, then we were called too early and were queuing done the steps-we were just at the top. Lots of families with small kids just patiently waiting. Woman behind us had a toddler and a (approx) 5 yr old, LOADS of shopping, buggy etc. But nothing to amuse the kids who she just let run around. She started a regular trek to the desk to abuse ask the poor young girl there what was going on. Each time she got louder and more abusive, swearing and name calling, then also laid in to a dispatcher as he came up the stairs.
Cue the arrival of the armed police! Suddenly she became all sweetness and light, crying and sobbing about being lied to and having to wait for an hour (30 mins at the most!!), no she hadn't sworn or threatened anyone, her kids were ill (bollocks!)..... She was eventually allowed on the flight-which by now had missed its slot so we were delayed even further!!! Lucky us she was 2 rows in front...
Still apparently had nothing to amuse the toddler who spent the flight trying to run up and down, screamed blue murder if he had to sit and all she did was her best to ignore him!! Finally we approached landing and she wouldn't belt the child in-he screamed to be allowed to stand up and look backwards down the plane so she let him! She was completely passive when then stewards tried to belt the child in on her lap while he screamed and kicked! Eventually one of then told "Madam, we will not be able to land unless you help us strap your child in" through gritted teeth-which did the trick! Got she was a complete (I don't like using this phrase but it so fits....) entitled cow!
I was so incensed by her that I contact the air company to commend their staff and tell the true side of the story-as I bet the poor desk girl was ready to quit!

Sorry, been out and about. Happyagain the back firing toilet was when DH had used it to poo and the plane hit just a little unexpected turbulence just as he pressed the flush...not enough for the pilot to hit the seatbelt sign...but enough for the shit to hit DH! I nearly wet myself laughing when he came out of the loo. Luckily he had a spare t shirt in his bag and the air stewardesses were very quick to help him get cleaned up - which was just as well as I was really not much help!

An amusing one.

I used to fly a lot, and once (might have been twice but can't remember) with Virgin Atlantic, flying back from the States, the pilot introduced himself over the tannoy in a fake/cheesy American accent as "Otis Spunkmeyer".

I spat my drink out and looked around, but no one else appeared to have noticed.

(Otis Spunkmeyer is the name of a brand of American cookies.)

I've consulted Google, but no one else appears to have come across this rather amusing pilot.

And surely such horseplay isn't permitted anymore in the world of aviation? This was post-9/11.

It's great fun on a long flight. We used to get the flight crew to slip a certain word in Pa's....and have a right chuckle behind the curtain.

One my my most memorable was a lovely stewardess on an evening flight from Brisbane to Melbourne. The plane was half empty which was great, I was enjoying the wonderful views and the sunset, and the stewardess was most upset that I didn't want anything to eat (it was curry which I hate) so went and got her own packed lunch (dinner?) to share with me as she hated the airplane food as well. Such a lovely woman (and when I refused her sandwiches as well she just brought me loads of booze instead - god, I love Qantas!).

Oh, and the lovely EasyJet flight crew last year who let DS (2) visit the cockpit when we landed after his first ever flight, they made his holiday, and he still wants to be a pilot thanks to them!

oh loads.

1. On a work flight after very little sleep, there was an issue with the plane and we ended up sitting on the tarmac for over two hours. A troupe of 40 kids on their way to an audition for some big stage show spent the entire time practising their songs, and to an extent, their dance moves, in their seats. I felt for them as we ended up offloading and I think they missed their audition but oh my god it was awful. 40 children singing at top volume, in a plane. For two hours. With STOMPING.

1. Long haul, me being terrible this time. I'd scored an exit row and was delighted. The woman next to me was seated by a steward who was apologising profusely to her - turns out she'd been booted from first class due to some cock up and she seemed pretty grouchy about it. We took off, and then I, as I always do, remembered all the things I wanted from my bag in the overhead. So I got out (she was aisle) and opened the overhead. Unfortunately, my bag had, as they warn you about, shifted, and so it fell out. And it was open. And my cascade of knitting - wool, needles, the lot, went ALL over her. I apologised profusely, delicately picked bits of junk out of her hair. She didn't seem very happy.

Some hours later, I wanted to return stuff to the overhead. Up I jumped over grumpy woman, opened the overhead. And my bag fell on her again. Except this time it was some books and a jumper. She shouted 'FOR GODS SAKE', summoned the steward and made him swear there'd be a seat in first for her on the next leg.

1. And last one which makes me almost cry at the loveliness of it even now. I eloped, but my parents knew about it. A fake elope. Anyway, DH and I didn't fly out together (long story) so I was alone on a plane going to get married. Midway through the flight a steward appeared with a glass of champagne and a little cake for me - my dear, dear DM had called the airline (god knows how long she had to spend on hold to make this happen, I can't even imagine) and asked them if they could bring me a little wedding present on the way.

This was just last week - booked a flight to Sicily with Meridiana out of Gatwick which is very convenient for me. Two weeks before flying, it is cancelled & I have to take Alitalia via London City which involves a 5 a.m. Start & 3 trains, but is cheaper. I arrive to giant queues & no plane. We are handed meal vouchers but cannot leave queue to get food/drink, so pretty useless. After about 2 hrs we are told to get in a cab, which drives us across London to Heathrow which is not a fun experience. Arrive to no evident Alitalia staff & no idea if I will get to Sicily that night. I do get another food voucher & have my first & only meal of the day at 1:30. Fly out with many delays at nearly 5, arrive in Rome & it is past the time of my connecting flight. Go thru security and there is Alitalia woman holding a sign saying "Catania"(Sicily) about a dozen of us literally run the length of the airport & get on our flight, which takes off at 9:45. I have not seen a toilet since mid-afternoon, and my fluid has consisted of 1 cup of tea on the Rome flight, (Italia's in flight "snack" is a pack of dry crackers & a plastic glass of water, tea/coffee, juice/cola.) Arrive at 11:30 pm. Oh, the joy & glamour of international travel! Far more stressful than any London commute.

I work for a regional airport. I'm known amongst the staff so every time I fly I get stitched up with a pa announcement or my bag gets decorated after I've checked it in. So far I've got engaged twice, been traveling to my honeymoon 4 times and had my bag decorated almost every time. It starts to wear thin after a while

I flew aer lingus with my 9 week old son a few weeks ago. Used to flying ryan air, and this being the first time I flew with a baby I was dreading it. Nothing particularly special happened, but the air lingus staff were so friendly, and helpful, and understanding of a parent flying with their child for the first time that it made me feel so relaxed, and therefore my son was relaxed too. Gotta love good airline staff

Well. Lufthansa gives you free newspapers and tea and coffee in the airport. Got a bit of an irrational thrill from that little corner last weekend.

Also there was an absolutely lovely lady at the check in desk when I was heading off to France in June for my year abroad- I was about eight kg over the limit with my hold luggage and they were telling me I'd have to pay £90 extra to get it on the plane! I was lucky enough to have an extra £90 but I mean ffs........obviously all my fault though. Anyway, the lady at the desk took stock of me looking aghast and my half empty cabin bag and helped me redistribute the weight between two bags and then wrote 20kg on the label for my still 5kg overweight bag so I didn't have to pay anything at all. How nice is that?

Also I have fab memories of my first flight alone when I was about 14. My dad had planned it all with me, was going to visit family in France, and I'd made a mixtape for my charity shop walkman so I was listening to cheerful ELO with the sunshine streaming through the windows and it was perfect :)

Oh yes and the ash cloud which forced us to stay in Paris for a few extra days no better place to be stuck in

ahhh I love flying

1. Flight to the USA many, many years ago. I was in the very back row, and by the time they got to me, the only meal left was fish with some disgusting white sauce on it (everyone else chose the chicken, naturally!). I decided not to bother and said not to worry, but she kept trying to give me the meal. I eventually said 'sorry, I'm allergic to fish' just to get her to leave me alone. So she disappears, and I assume that is the end of that. About twenty minutes later, she comes down the aisle with a big tray. 'I told the pilot you were allergic to fish, so he said you could have his meal.' I was so embarrassed I sat and ate the whole thing (which was actually delicious), but I still feel bad about the pilot not getting his dinner.

2. A few years ago I was on a flight and I was the only passenger sitting in the exit row on one side, and there was a couple in the exit row on the other side. It didn't take me long to determine that they were watching a sex video on their laptop, and without headphones. Then they decided to start their application for the mile high club. Flight attendant eventually caught on and read them the riot act. They said that they should be allowed to, because it was a quiet flight, they were going on honeymoon and the only person that could see them was me and that didn't matter because 'she's young enough not to care'.

3. I was waiting to fly out of Melbourne airport, and a massive storm came through as only it can in Melbourne. You couldn't even see the plane sitting at the gate the visibility was that bad. Anyone with half a brain could see that there was just no way to take off or land. And it was about 5pm on a Friday night, which meant the airport was packed. Nothing you can do about the weather, so I headed to the bar to wait it out and ordered a glass of wine. As I'm waiting for my wine, a pilot came and stood near me, waiting for his coffee order. A woman comes over and starts absolutely berating him because the flight is delayed. He politely tried to explain that the weather did not permit flights to take off until it cleared. 'Well, what are you going to do about it?' she says. 'Well I tried calling God, but he's apparently too busy to do anything about Melbourne weather right now' he says. 'I have a family, you know. I've been on holidays, and you're keeping me away from my family.' He looked at her and said 'Madam, I also have a family who I haven't seen for a week because I've been working flying people to their holidays. Seeing as I haven't seen my family for a week, don't you think that if I could get the damned plane in the sky and get home to them I would, rather than stand here and talk to you?' and walked off. Brilliant.

I have loads but the most recent 'story' was flying witn Flybe to a regional airport, landing was very bumpy and windy and it was raining horizontally and the wind was foul. You had to walk over the tarmac to the terminal. The first officer stood at the steps they were the ones that folded into the plane so, narrow. DH took The hand luggage and the FO carried dd1 down the steps as you couldn't see due to the rain. The cabin crew then handed DD2 to him and he walked down the steps. I carried Dd2 to the terminal as honestly she couldn't stay vertical. The FO sheilded dd1 as best as he could and walked her to the terminal. He was drenched . As this was the last leg of our full day travelling we still had to drive . the dds had a change of trousers DH had M&S stormwear and his legs were dry. I sat on a towel! On our return flight it was the same cabin crew and I learnt that the FO flew back completley drenched to LGW..... i wrote and said thanks as they really did help.
Before 9/11 I was in the cockpit for landing into Orlando with a rather old passenger aircraft . The captain turned to me and asked a if I would hold a napkin up to the window to the left of his head for the last few thousand feet. AS the captian is in charge I did. Reason being is that the condensation coming down used to drip and often it went down his neck ..as he put it 'bloody annoying when you are trying to land a 747).

I flew to Thailand on my own some years ago, via Paris. The Air France attendants were really lovely to me, very very attentive and almost a bit too careful. I thought they were just concerned about a young girl travelling on her own. It wasn't until the flight was nearly over that one stewardess came over to me and asked in very gentle tones just how blind I was that I twigged. Something had gone wrong on my booking-in and I'd been labelled blind for the entirety of the journey. I have to thank the flight attendants for their kindness but god knows what my neighbours thought when they saw me enjoying the inflight entertainment and reading my book!

A nasty one . flying for work on BA european route some American Airlines crew /staff ( not in uniform but on concession staff travel) in the row in front of me chatting to the cabin crew, I needed to work and also wanted breakfast it was a 7 am flight. Guy in front wanted to sleep so had reclined his seat. as the row behind was empty I say to the flight crew 'can I move so this bloke can sleep '. They had said on boarding if seats could not be reclined until after meal service . ( I said it perfectly nicely and never gave it a thought). I ate, worked and managed 3 chapters of a Dick Francis ......shows how long ago it was.)
On walking down the arrivals area towards passport control. These staff started shouting saying Rude Brit, stuck up British lady - completly took my by surprise. I was completley and also bloody cross afterwards and wished I had said more back. However revenge is sweet as I consequently had to fly to the US and the company had several airline agreements and after explaining they avoided American and continued to do so ( not just for me but with other staff members) I then worked in the US for a year with shed loads of travel and never used American once....

Not on a flight but before a flight. First time I flew as a 16 year old with my sister parents and nan. Arrived at the airport, checked in sat up stairs when the fire alarms start going out. I was on crutches at the time and couldn't use the lift so two security guards carried me down the stairs!

After an hour of waiting outside (thankfully my mum and Nan grabbed everyone's bacon butties on the way out!) we discovered it was a "suspicious package on the runway") ... After four hours and a visit from he bnib squad we finally got back in the airport.

Oh and an angina attack my nan had a couple of hours in led to her realising her spray was at home... So my poor uncle had to get the spray and bring it (she lived close thankfully!) and then persuade a nice policeman to bring it to us as he wasn't allowed through the cordone!

No wonder I hate airports and flying really.

ChristmasJumperWearer. Pre-DP I had a boyfriend who is a pilot, given his sense of humour I wouldn't be surprised if he was your "Otis Spunkmeyer" (I have no idea which airline he works for these days).

Not long after the Mount St Helens eruption I flew from Kefalonia to Athens on a small Olympic plane (80 passengers?). The weather in Europe had been seriously affected by the eruption. As the inbound flight landed it came in virtually sideways and as we were looking out of the terminal windows you could see it sitting on the tarmac shaking. It didn't seem possible that the pilot would want to fly out again, but off we went. Once we'd got to altitude everything was lovely and calm and sunny, but halfway through the flight the pilot warned of turbulence and the seat belt signs went on. I was in the back row with two FAs behind me. Oh boy, I've never experienced turbulence like it. Like a PP, that was the only time I've heard a FA scream - although the other one just sat there reading a book.

There were only 6 of us Brits on the plane, the rest being Greek, so the announcements were in Greek first then English. When we landed, the pilot made his final announcement in Greek, then said to us "thank you for flying Olympic, we hope you enjoyed your flight and will fly with Olympic again ... "

20+ years ago on an internal flight in India. The plane took off and, as it was going up, the (internal)door to the pilot's cabin and several of the over head locker doors all flew open. Stuff was spilling everywhere & the doors kept banging.
No one but us was the least alarmed.

What's type 6 poo?